Where do I go from here?

[Guru Pitka]

Last August I split up with my girlfriend and went through a few months of crap. Towards the end of August I met a girl who was in a relationship but regardless I became really attracted to her. She was the only one to get my mind off my ex. We had a fun night and she told me I should let her know when I'm near her uni and we could go for drinks there. I added her on Facebook and that was that. My family urged me to message her and go for drinks but I felt uncomfortable doing that as she has a bf.

 

Fast forward to January I saw an instagram post of hers saying that she and her partner had split up. I still didn't message her because I felt it wouldn't be right to suddenly message her now that she is single, so I just left it at that again.

In April my friend asked if I wanted to go for drinks and said that this girl would potentially be going so I agreed. She got in contact and I gave her my number and we arranged the evening. When we met I was making sure I held eye contact and it felt like our eyes locked and we'd then both look away. She said that she remembered the first time we met and said again about going to visit and I said I definitely would. She even offered me to stay at hers when there. When we got to the final location for drinks the others we were with left and it was just the girl and I remaining. We danced all evening and I noticed she was taking pictures of us for snapchat and sending them to friends. She put her arm around me a few times as well. We went outside for a bit and I bumped into one of my old scout leaders who is around 28. He asked if we were a couple and she said no, we're friends. He then told her that I went to scouts when I was younger and she said Ooh I've never dated a scout before. One guy pushed in front of her at the bar and i'm far from confrontational but I tapped him on the shoulder and told him he cut in. Turns out his Nan lives down my road! She thanked me for sticking up for her at the bar. When we were leaving, the club wouldn't give her jacket back because she lost her ticket I offered her my jacket and a friend gave us a lift to our houses. I've been told the friend told her I like her and she had no idea.

 

The next day I text her about going with her to get her jacket and she called me to discuss it. I didn't go with her in the end but she text me that she got it. I tried to make conversation but blew it and she wasn't replying much. I gave it a week and text her again and we had a much better conversation. I found it odd that she was taking around an hour to reply each time but gave lengthy replies with questions. I went on holiday for a week but when I got back I text her about potentially being near her uni on Friday and asked her out for drinks. A few hours later she replied with 'Hey, I would've done but I'm actually going home Friday for the weekend sorry!x' I replied asking to meet up another time and she replied with 'Yeah sure thing I'll let you know when i'm back X'

 

I've not replied but I've heard in these situations the girl is being polite and probably won't reply with a date. My gut says she doesn't have feelings for me and that she isn't fully recovered from her previous breakup. The signs on the night out could of been influenced by alcohol so I don't put much weight to them.

 

I really like her so is it viable to develop a relationship over time? if so how is the best way to approach it? Should I become friends first or will that friendzone me? I think what i'm trying to ask is how can I best avoid screwing this up?

 

Thanks in advance and sorry for such a long post I just wanted to get all the details in!

[DoF]

Fact that she offered to go out with you "to get drinks" WHILE in a relationship should tell you EVERYTHING you need to know about this girl. Do you really think she won't do this to you when you are with her?

 

She will.

 

Find a girl that is single and honest/trustworthy. If you peruse this girl you will simply set yourself up for failure.

 

And even if she broke up, a decent/smart person will take time off to heal/recover after relationship (which can be quite lengthy 3-6 months + depending on the length of the relationship). So the fact that she is running to you right after break up = red flag #2.

 

Both of these are HUGE red flags. If you don't stay away from this girl you might want to start questioning yourself.

 

PS. taking snapchats with you = red flag #3 (she is trying to make her ex feel bad).

 

Using snapchat = red flag #4 (to me anyways)

[Guru Pitka]

I think you maybe misinterpreted it. She definitely isn't running to me. Getting drinks doesn't always have to be a romantic gesture, when she said about drinks the first time she mentioned that she loved making friends. Also when we first met she said how against cheating she was. Maybe you're right about snapchatting her ex but I don't think it is characteristic of her.

Thanks for the advice anyway i'll take it on board!

[DoF]

Red Flag #5 - she is so naive she thinks males can be friends with her. 99.99% of men will never be friends with a girl unless they find them attractive or want them. And the second there is attraction from either side, that is NOT friendship.

 

 

 

Regardless what she likes, while in a relationship, it's her responsibility to not get into situations/environments that posses risk to relationship.

 

And what she says about cheating and her actions are CLEARLY on a completely different galaxy (which seems to be a common human trait to be honest). What people say and do are completely different. Somewhat ignore the words, but pay attention to them/take note....and WATCH actions.

 

Her actions did NOT reflect her words, sorry.

 

Getting drinks and hanging out with opposite sex is simply inappropriate and disrespectful towards her current relationship.

 

I go by and believe in this:

/

[Wiseman2]

Don't worry about text times and don't barrage with texts...lay back a bit. If she is on holiday ask her out one-on-one when she returns. Suggest something interesting besides hang-out or drinks. Be clear that it's dating, not friends hanging out.

I added her on Facebook and that was that..January I saw an instagram post of hers saying that she and her partner had split up.She got in contact and I gave her my number and we arranged the evening. I replied asking to meet up another time and she replied with 'Yeah sure thing I'll let you know when i'm back X' The signs on the night out could of been influenced by alcohol so I don't put much weight to them. Should I become friends first or will that friendzone me?

[bulletproof]

I agree that you should step back. See if she lets you know when she gets back to school. Right now it sounds like she just wants to be friends, but I think you should make it clear, as suggested, that the next outing you propose is more like a date. Then you'll have your answer.

 

I wouldn't place too much emphasis on how long it takes her to text back, either. Some people are just not that quick at responding when they don't know someone very well.

[tracyis300]

At the moment all you can really do is to wait if she responds back!

But the weekly messaging and hour intervals? Are somewhat of showing some disinterest, for the both of you! But I'm not saying it is, in your case? The eye contact, lengthy messages and being around each other are good signs. But who's tagging along who after the meet ups?

I feel that you shouldn't rush into things? Just for the fact of not knowing what kind of relations the two of you have for each other! Is it friends, just hanging out, is it "this guy/girl i talk to at times?", what signs of attraction (all we know is eye contact) is their. All though i know your motives, but you haven't really showed her if your interested like that. All you have done was being polite to her.

Go out this weekend to get things off your mind. If she hits you up? Then great! Set something up. If not? Don't get too negative about it and hit her up before the weekend to meet up/take out. The two of you are already acquainted, so eventually your bound to see each other again.