Scaring guys off NON Intentionally

[peacegirl]

Never did this before but here we go... I am a 30 yr.. old Female.. who has never had a relationship.. (all my fault) I am outgoing, attractive(not being conceited) and 99% of the time in the spotlight.. because of my Career Choices (not gonna explain now) I had many opportunities to date guys but I freeze like a freaking Zombie.. have no emotion.. and sooo scared... to the point that my personality doesn't fit the girl they met at work or in situations when i'm drinking (FYI.. Bartender).. I end up pissing guys off or just losing them and then I hate myself ( if you get that?).. i'm not gonna go on... just want to see if there are any responses or if anyone even understands what i'm saying... Thanks for the time and Website

[Caldus]

It sounds like you might be too worried about what other guys think of you. I'm not sure what else to say except that overused phrase: love will come when you least expect it.

[peanut15]

I used to have the same problem as you but I was never in the spotlight. On dates I became this completely different person because I was trying too hard to impress the guy or just was flat out nervous. But I have had a handful of relationship though and that's because most of the guys were able to see beyond that first date. I guess they did see that I was truly nervous.

 

My suggestion is to just relax and not try to hard. Maybe think of them as a friend you are just going out with w/o expectations. I think that since you have not had a relationship you are expecting too much during the first date and maybe that is why it ends up not so good.

[sonjam]

I had a similar problem, I would get sarcastic, and say stupid hurtfull things, because my mind would freeze up, and I would not think what is coming out of my mouth.

 

Anyway, eventually I learned to relax by rather than boyfriends, I got male friends, just friends, and practiced on them to talk to males. I got over the initial fear and confusion. I still don't have a clue how to flirt, and such, but sometimes you don't have to, you get introduced to guys, you don't have to flirt to get them. I went on to have several successfull relationships. I know you can do it too. Do a google search on body language and practice "NON VERBAL" communication a bit. Im sure it will help....

[annie24]

I like what Sonjam said - practice on male friends. Ask them to go out with you on a "mock date." They may be able to give you some feedback. You probably won't be as nervous with your friends on the "date" but maybe they can tell you what you are doing right... Good luck!

[couragous]

Well,I also have the same problem .The guy I like probably thinks I am nut case ,I actually think he is scared of me now.I end up saying things that I don't mean and I say stuff that is hurtful and rude.I can't help myself ,I usually beat myself up about it later.I am nice one time ,rude the next .I even say dumb things that he looks at me like I am crazy.

[Day_Walker]

Well I think you need to look at your situation and ask yourself if you are really driving guys off nonintentionally. It would seem to me that it is possible to make bad choices and scare off some potential guys but to not have any relationships at this point seems like you are making an unconscious decision to do so.

[tanned_production]

Maybe you're trying too hard to impress someone. Just be yourself... act natural. Either the guy will like you, or they won't. Its better than putting on an act.