Need advice please!!!

[EJ22]

My ex-boyfriend and I dated for 2 years throughout uni. He was in the year above and graduated last year before moving to a different city for a job. Throughout last fall he was also applying for graduate degrees abroad. We had a very loving and happy relationship and always talked about the future together. He honestly used to worship the ground I walked on. Although I should point out that I was his first serious girlfriend (as well as the first person he'd ever been with sexually).

He broke up with me about four months ago now, stating that he couldn't be sure 'I was the one', and blaming the fact that we would most likely be in diffrent places for the forseeable future. Whilst saying all of this he cried A LOT (practically hysterically) and also said that he still loved me.

 

After we broke up we didn't talk for a month and i blocked him on all social media. During that time he sent me a text asking how I was and that he was sorry but I didn't reply (too upset and thought NC was for the best). After that month however I asked to meet up as I was driving myself crazy thinking of all the possible reasons he had ended it (it was very confusing and unclear at the time and he gave A LOT of mixed messages-e.g. he told my friend that in an ideal world he'd still be with me in five years time and couldn't imagine his life without me).

 

When we met up we both cried and he said that he often imagined coming to find me in the future/ that he couldn't ever imagine feeling that emotionally different about me, and had written me a letter explaining his feelings, but said his thoughts hadn't changed re: being together at the moment. He wanted to continue meeting up but i said no. In the letter he said that he got scared at the prospect of something lasting forever and though a LDR would be too difficult unless we were going to be together forever (something he had severe doubts about). He also said I was the right person at the wrong time and that what we had was so real. Those seem to be contradictory points to me.

 

Following that we didn't talk for two months until I initiated contact about 2 weeks ago. I was offended and didn't understand why he didn't reach out, but assumed that it was a way of dealing with his feelings. When I spoke to him last we went over everything again, he told me that he carries a photo of us round in his wallet (!!!!) and thinks of me every day. On the other hand, he said i couldn't get a sense of clarity as to what he was thinking even if i could reach inside his head read them all. He also said that it's 'very possible' that we could get back together but not in the near future. He claimed that he had been devastated for the past three months and couldn't understand why it all happened even though he was the one that did it, but that he 'still didn't want a relationship'. he also said that he wasn't ready to let go of the idea of us but that also 'these things can taken a long time to settle out'. When i tried to end the conversation he sent me some meaningful songs that reminded him of me and us. When i replied with something like 'It's funny how I thought you were the one', he responded saying 'I guess I'm yet to make you think that', but then an hour later said 'Btw I didn't mean anything in particular by that reply'. (?!?!?) We talked on and off for about a week until i stopped replying. He has made no further initiative to get in contact, although he is away travelling at the moment.

 

Basically, I still love him. I feel like we're really right together, in spite of the selfish way he's treated me. Sometimes i think maybe this was supposed to happen and we are supposed to do our own thing for a bit and then come back together stronger. What do people think? Should I wait for him? Is there a chance he will come back and change his mind? Surely three months after breaking up with someone you shouldn't still be pining after them. I just feel so confused by the whole thing ever day and i know people think he's been really horrible and doesn't deserve me but I know deep down he is a good person-he was such a loving and caring boyfriend for two years and we got on so well.

 

I just can't understand: if he still imagines a future with me then why risk the idea that I might meet someone else in the mean time?

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this, grateful for any advice

[Manonajourney]

"if you love something, let it go, if it comes back, it's yours to keep, and if it doesn't, it wasn't meant to be"

 

My girlfriend and I broke up for similar reasons. She was a year above me and was graduating and had career path in mind. I still didnt know what I was going to do with my life. We were in love but we were just at different places in our lives. Relationships in your 20s hardly last because it's your 20s where you are constantly changing as a person and forming your identity. If you try to make it work now, I can almost guarantee you that it's going to end again. You're both young, what you think you want right now can be completely different from what you want in a year. Trust me I know from experience. It's once people have experienced the world, been with different people, focused on their lives that they settle down, because they finally know what they want. I know it seems counterintuitive, but you have to let him go. You both need to build your own lives independent of eachother and see other people. If it's meant to be, once you are both at a stable point in your lives, you could reconnect with eachother. Or you could find love somewhere else. In either situation you'll end up happy. Trying to hold on now won't. My ex, we had dated for almost 2 years, during that time she was an amazing girlfriend. She was gorgeous, kind, trustworthy. You're afraid to let that go because you think you won't find something better. Well after our time apart I realize it was for the best, she became a different person who didn't align with my ideals anymore. Whats not to say that our lives and goals may cross again in the future, but for now, I have to live my life.

[DJ12]

some of the best advice Ive read on this Manonajourney round of applause for you man..That top line makes so much sense.

[EJ22]

"if you love something, let it go, if it comes back, it's yours to keep, and if it doesn't, it wasn't meant to be"

 

My girlfriend and I broke up for similar reasons. She was a year above me and was graduating and had career path in mind. I still didnt know what I was going to do with my life. We were in love but we were just at different places in our lives. Relationships in your 20s hardly last because it's your 20s where you are constantly changing as a person and forming your identity. If you try to make it work now, I can almost guarantee you that it's going to end again. You're both young, what you think you want right now can be completely different from what you want in a year. Trust me I know from experience. It's once people have experienced the world, been with different people, focused on their lives that they settle down, because they finally know what they want. I know it seems counterintuitive, but you have to let him go. You both need to build your own lives independent of eachother and see other people. If it's meant to be, once you are both at a stable point in your lives, you could reconnect with eachother. Or you could find love somewhere else. In either situation you'll end up happy. Trying to hold on now won't. My ex, we had dated for almost 2 years, during that time she was an amazing girlfriend. She was gorgeous, kind, trustworthy. You're afraid to let that go because you think you won't find something better. Well after our time apart I realize it was for the best, she became a different person who didn't align with my ideals anymore. Whats not to say that our lives and goals may cross again in the future, but for now, I have to live my life.

 

Thank you so much for this-it's really good advice just hard to carry out in practice 3