Comparing myself to the new girlfriend

[Soul_Seeker]

It's a down day

 

For those who didn't read my previous post: ( link removed ) I'm dealing with a break up of a relationship that lasted for 6 years. My ex started dating a girl seven years his junior about a week after he broke up with me.

 

On Friday night, I was at cell group where the participants were mostly 23, 24 year olds. Though I'm only a couple of years older, it made me feel ancient because I kept thinking about how my ex's new girlfriend is not yet 21!

 

On Saturday night, I went to church and dinner with a group of new friends. They were even younger than the cell group! So, if I felt ancient before - does that make me dead with this group?

 

Everywhere I look, when a see a young girl around 20, I think of his new girlfriend. I think how he must be swooning over her naivete, sweetness and coyness. I think how she must have a better bod, more energy and greater mind. Worst of all, I think what they could be doing right now... The imagination has no limits does it?

 

I know these are not rational thoughts. In all honesty, I know next to nothing about her, have never met her and have only seen one photo of her taken 6 months ago. But your imagination loves it that you have no concrete facts because it can be as liberal as it pleases!

 

However, the one fact I do have, which I have the MOST difficulty understanding and accepting is that he IS with her. It does feel like he chose her over me. I feel ugly from the inside out...

 

I would like to read people's stories about how they coped when their exes moved on with someone else straight away. This may be a naive question, but is the approach much different from moving on from a break up in general?

[Mun]

Oh this brings back memories.

Someone I dated in the past confessed that he was very interested in this girl who was ten years younger than me( He was my same age) She had never been married( I'm divorced with children) and I think he felt that she was a much better choice than me because of the "no baggage" thing. He was really excited about her, he went out of his way for her--something he didn't do for me. It killed me inside. My self-esteem was shot. Until I found out she was jealous and insecure of me . Strange... She ended up dropping him when she figured he had too much baggage for her ( he has 3 kids) and she never saw him again. He was broken hearted for awhile...

 

That's my story.

[DN]

I can imagine that it is hard not to compare - but you would probably have done that whenever he found someone if you had not, so at least you get the process over with early!!

 

And as Muneca says happened with her, it may not be easy for her to compete with a wiser, more mature, more experienced woman. She will probably have her own issues - wondering if she is as good in bed as you are, or as witty, or as understanding of him. She will be wondering if she is the rebound girl.

 

And he will probably be wondering if he can keep up with her and how juvenile she seems compared to you, and how her friends do dumb things he has grown out of.

 

So it all evens out.

 

And when you find the real man of your life, you won't care any more about them anyway.

 

Good luck

[peanut15]

I have two stories.

 

First one...my husband cheated on me with someone his age, although only a year older than me. When I found out about it (my birthday), I searched and searched for information about her on the internet and surprisingly found her picture. My husband confirmed it was her. I couldn't get her face out of my head. My husband and I were (are) trying to make our marriage work so when he'd try to kiss me, I'd think of her, when he tried to have sex with me, I'd picture him having sex with her instead, when he would just be next to me, I'd picture him with her. It got so bad that when we went out, I glared at these other women who had any likeness no matter how small. It has been 8 months since I have found out and a year since his affair and I'm much better but of course not 100%. It just takes time but I can tell you what helped me was that I pictured throwing throwing darts at her picture I didn't do it but thinking about it helped.

 

Second story....

I was engaged to the guy I dated in college. It was almost perfect, he proposed on the Christmas before we graduated from school. He gave me a ring and we had our engagement party and we made some plans for the wedding. Six months later, he dumped me on my birthday (geez, I'm not having luck with my birthday am I?) I found out that she was this girl who just graduated from high school that he met a week prior. Me, the ex and the new girl all worked at the same place ...unfortunately the Happiest Place on Earth but proudly enough, I had a desk job and they didn't. Anyway, he was set up with her by his coworkers whom he neglected to tell that he was engaged. I didn't know that he left me for him until I attempted to get my stuff at his apartment and found love letter she would give to him. She was 5 years younger and was going off to college in another state...nevermind we just graduated and were moving on with our lives. Now the age difference isn't a big deal but back then she wasn't even of legal age to drink.

 

I had the most difficult time with the break up because he seemed embarrassed by me as he didn't tell anyone that we were engaged yet my coworkers all knew. When I would run into him at work, I'd see he was happy but as soon as I tried to go up to him and say hello, he would turn cold. Later I realized that she was standing next to him. I thought the same thing you did...did she have a better body, was she prettier, blah blah blah. Actually, I began to think that since I did know how she looked but this is what helped me through it...now I know this is wrong but it helped. I went to his apartment to get my things and I still had a key and he knew I was coming over. As I was getting my things, I found this paper on the table..well it was an essay she was writing about herself as an assignment before she went to college. In it she wrote about how much cheerleading has changed her life and how much life is like cheerleading. Now I have nothing against it BUT remember he and I just graduated from college and were finally out in the real world and had to get real jobs since mommy and daddy were no longer supporting us. I just thought..OMG he's going backwards and trying to relive his youth and in all honesty he's not mature. I was still angry with him and her because she did know that he was engaged. And well truthfully, I did call her parents and let them know that she was a homewrecker and that she knew that she broke an engagement. LOL...very soon after that I found out that they broke up!!!!! Guess her daddy wasn't too thrilled to find out the truth.