Should I leave now?

[BrightFuture25]

So here is the backstory. My boyfriend and I are quite a few years apart. I'm 25 he is 40. Our families and environments are generally opposites. I come from a small town conservative family with both biological parents still together my whole life. He comes from a very different background including the lack of his father, being a former marine and having been divorced several times before plus having a young child with a girl similar to my age but never married. He is somewhat emotionally volatile and has never hit me but i dont particularly enjoy the screaming yelling and jabs trying to hurt my feelings when he is upset or angry. I think we have moved past this somewhat abusive rift but some issues remain.

 

I don't have kids I've never been married and although I want kids I question if I want them with him. I know my family disapproves and the two of us have fairly good communication about our wants and needs of eachother. But it is hard for me to accept the times he cancels things with me to be there for his child when i really feel like he is accomodating his ex at my expense. He asks me to pay for dinners when i know he pays his ex $100 a week.

 

I do not have any ill feelings toward him having kids although i guess it does kindof make me sad i would never be able to be the first and only woman to be a parent with him. Really it is more how he handles the situation though. Whenever he has his child i never hear from him. When i call he may answer but he never contacts me. Maybe i just dont get it because i dont have kids of my own. But i am fairly easy to get along with and dont ask much i just want my man to love and give me the attention as much as i give him. Clearly that isnt happening.

 

I guess only time will tell if I want to stay but right now i feel like i can do better. I need someone more compatable and i know it will hurt so much to lose him as a best friend but it could cost me an even better relationship. I just hope I'm being fair and not too demanding. But if I am not happy perpetually feeling like i can do better it must be true.

 

I just wondered if anyone actually had a success story to share about dating someone with kids or feeling unappreciated and it actually worked out for them. So many times i think people just break up or divorce when it may have been salvagable but all too many times i know of situations people held out for a miracle that never happened.

 

So hard to meet people without doing the online dating thing which scares the crap outta me. I am a good person and pretty and confident and im going to have such a good future with my job. I just wish i had a man i could share my life with. Im ok being alone. I dont mind being single but im frustrated im not finding the right guy. All my exes have hurt me and abused me one way or another. Why? Do i just attract that kind of person? What about me makes them think it's okay to treat me like that?

 

Anyone feel the same?

[Ms Darcy]

My biggest advice to you is to realize that the break up of a marriage is far different from a break up of a relationship. You date to see if you are compatible for marriage. I would see no shame in ending this relationship. There are a lot of red flags that would likely make you both very likely for divorce, which would be a shame to ignore.

[Hazyillusions]

He's 40 and divorced several times? So at least 3...?

That's a red flag.

His anger issues is another big problem. You're young and can do much better than that.

[Clio]

having been divorced several times

 

He is somewhat emotionally volatile and has never hit me but i dont particularly enjoy the screaming yelling and jabs trying to hurt my feelings when he is upset or angry.

 

I question if I want kids with him.

 

I need someone more compatable

 

it could cost me an even better relationship.

 

All my exes have hurt me and abused me one way or another. Why? Do i just attract that kind of person? What about me makes them think it's okay to treat me like that?

 

This guy is not the right one. He is abusive and neglectful. You cannot control who you attract BUT you CAN control how long you stay with them. Once you spot abuse and neglect, staying becomes an informed choice. Past that point, they abuse you because YOU let them by staying.

 

This guy sounds like an unsuitable match for you and an unsuitable candidate for a family. Imo staying with him would be a waste of time and prolonging the inevitable end or ending up with an unsuitable father for your children. This is a dead end relationship and based on what you have written it sounds like you realize it yourself.