Am I a gay recovered?

[lam123]

I hope this is the most appropriate forum to post it.

I’m going to tell you something that never told anyone in my whole life. I think I can do it because English is not my first language.

I fell in love for first time before the age of 6.

That would not be so bad, if not for the recipient of my love was another boy. Although I realized that was not totally normal, I was not too concerned. Time was passing by and I kept falling in love. At my teens I fell in love with a girl too. But most of my platonic loves were for boys.

When I got 25, a girl was set at me. I agreed with it because I wanted to be socially accepted and therefore wanted to have a girlfriend. At the beginning the make out sessions were for me from pointless to unpleasant. But one night, during one of these sessions, I introduced for the first time in sex play into it. Then it changed the things a lot. With it I found out the taste to make out. It was as I discovered sex linked to love. Up to then I had fallen in love with many boys but I never linked these crushes with sex.

This girl broke up with me about one year later; but from there, I was interested only for women. I had other girlfriends, I got married, and today I’m father of two boys.

I'd like to know if there are other cases like mine or if I'm a freak. Also if you should think that I am a gay recovered, or a nearly deflected straight or what else.

Thank you for reading.

[agent1607307371]

Most childrens most intense friendships are with other children of the same gender. You're just a regular straight person.

[DoF]

You are not a freak, don't even say that.....EVER. By saying, you become it.

 

Look, trust me when I say this, you were NOT the only child/boy that had desires for boys. I think it's a lot more common and normal than people thing.

 

If you don't feel good about it....learn to not think about it or forget it.

 

Seems like you discovered who you truly are, so just go with it. Sounds like you have a wife/family/kids and are doing well.

 

Don't go looking for problems when there is NONE.

 

 

[BrianH46]

You are normal. Congratulations on your children btw.

[faraday]

When I was young, I had many crushes on different gfs. I wasn't thinking sexual thoughts about them, I just really liked them and adored them. I still get that now sometimes with women that I really admire.

 

But I love sex with men. I don't want to have sex with women. And that's what I think determines sexuality. Who you want to have sex with, who you are attracted to.

[lam123]

No, I’m not looking for problems of course. It is just I have this “dark side” of myself inside. I never dared to tell it before. Keep in mind it was years ago, when to be gay was so much stigmatized than nowadays. So I was kind of terrified. I’ve got this way far beyond childhood(till 25). So it was more than a child crush.

[lam123]

You are normal. Congratulations on your children btw.

Thank you

I have been at least a late boy I guess: I just discovered sex at 25

[DoF]

No, I’m not looking for problems of course. It is just I have this “dark side” of myself inside. I never dared to tell it before. Keep in mind it was years ago, when to be gay was so much stigmatized than nowadays. So I was kind of terrified. I’ve got this way far beyond childhood(till 25). So it was more than a child crush.

 

Everyone does

 

Don't worry about it and just forget it. Right now, you are doing a bad job at that....... : D

[DancingFool]

Sorry but you don't have a dark side.

 

Love comes in many forms - love for your friends, love for your children, love for your parents, love for your brothers or sisters, love for your girlfriend or wife. Except for girlfriend or wife, love is not sexual and feeling love for all those different people in your life doesn't make you gay. The bottom line is that you are sexually attracted to women and have always been. It just sounds like you are a person who feels deep emotions and attachments to people you like, aka love, and that you are confusing that for something bad, but it's not. It's just normal.

[lam123]

Everyone does

 

Don't worry about it and just forget it. Right now, you are doing a bad job at that....... : D

I don't worry. It is just I now have the oportunity to tell it. Internet is a great tool for that. Besides you keep anonimous

[lam123]

Thank you Dancing and other folks. It was more than just love; it was strong crushes. Anyway it’s good knowing I’m not alone with it.

[lukeb]

It kind of depends on what you are talking about, what makes a person's sexuality? I would think what makes a person's sexuality is about thoughts and attractions, and it may have an effect on your actions. Some people strictly see sexuality only in the things that you do and the relationships that they are involved in. I disagree. What you do, who you decide to have sex with are all governed by choice. I don't think you can really choose your sexuality, it has to do with your being, attractions, thoughts, emotions and feelings.

 

I think chances are you are gay if you constantly develop crushes on other boys. Some people who are gay can have functional sexual relationships with the opposite sex. Having a family may simply be more important to you than your sexuality, and from what I can tell you seem to be happy in the relationship that you are in. You wouldn't be the first gay guy to have a family married to a woman with kids. My late husband was married to a woman for 36 years, but even after it came out that he was gay, he still wanted to stay married and keep the family going. It was his ex wife who wanted the divorce.

[lam123]

It kind of depends on what you are talking about, what makes a person's sexuality?

I think chances are you are gay if you constantly develop crushes on other boys. Some people who are gay can have functional sexual relationships with the opposite sex. Having a family may simply be more important to you than your sexuality, and from what I can tell you seem to be happy in the relationship that you are in. You wouldn't be the first gay guy to have a family married to a woman with kids. My late husband was married to a woman for 36 years, but even after it came out that he was gay, he still wanted to stay married and keep the family going. It was his ex wife who wanted the divorce.

I agree with you. Although in my case unlike your ex, I centralized only in women after my experience with my first girlfriend, and never ever had the slightest interest in the sexual part with men, so far.

[lukeb]

Then I don't understand what you mean by crushing on other men. To me a crush is an intense feeling of adoration for someone, usually the object of that affection is unaware of the person crushing having those feelings. They are sexual in nature but in your case its possible you don't want to think of them in that way because in some ways it would somehow makes them seem less worthy. It is very common for closeted gay guys to crush on straight guys for that reason. The idea that they are straight makes them more worthy of that affection.

[lam123]

To me a crush is an intense feeling of adoration for someone

 

No sure I totally understand you (at some point the language barrier take place). If you mean what I think, maybe you are right. Maybe I’m at the bottom a kind of repressed gay. I don’t really know.

I never went to a psychologist. But I know I didn’t wish other boys in a sexual sense.

What you describe as a crush is exactly what I describe for it too. So I think there’s not misunderstanding here. It’s just the sexual part was not there for me. It was a kind of wish to be friends but no more.

[agent1607307371]

If you don't want to have sex with a man, if you've never wanted to have sex with a man, you're not gay.

[lukeb]

If you don't want to have sex with a man, if you've never wanted to have sex with a man, you're not gay.

 

I would say that it is a gross over generalization and oversimplification. You can be gay and not want to be gay, or not realize you're gay. Some of it depends on someone's definition of gay I suppose.... but if you're a guy and crushing on other guys that is not something I would normally ascribe to straight guys. For some not crossing a line is enough for them to not self identify as gay and that is fine. You shouldn't let anyone define you. The OP asked the question if being gay is something you can recover from. I would say doubtful, but if he is happy being in the relationship that he is in I guess that is fine, but then don't pose the question.

[simon76ni]

This is a topic I feel very passionate about, because it has been my experience-by that I mean feeling attractions for my people of my own gender. I have to say that I have learnt so much about this issue over the last while for myself and I can tell you that society has often really got the wrong end of the stick with it. I had no attractions to other guys until I was about 19! But the real reason people develop attractions is really what dancing fool said; they were spot on. When we're growing up we absolutely need close connections with our own gender in order to develop emotionally. If that is not satasfied or if we have problems feeling ' part of the guys ' for whatever reason or if there's a problem with our connection with a male mentor like our dad the craving for this intensifies and as we develop sexually that craving for connection then becomes sexualised. The problem is nowadays society is determined to attach an ' identity ' to this which is just not true. We are not born 'gay'. We are born with a real need to connect in a meaningful and affectionate way without our dad's and our buddies. Also, we can develop sexual interests in our own gender by getting involved in certain behaviours, like gay porn. Again, that doesn't mean you are ' gay '. I learnt in my own life that as I began to develop loving and closer friendships with other guys that I began to ' heal' and attractions began to lessen. Friendships and connection with other guys are now so much more important to me now, because I'm not looking at them and thinking what I can ' get ' from them, but I respect and admire them as the valuable people they are and I learn to receive their affirmation and acceptance as people rather than objects. I really hope this makes sense to you!