UPDATE on what's been happening since previous post...

[theREALdusman]

Sooo it's about 6 months since the worst day of my life...it's amazing how quickly time goes...and you certainly learn a few things in that time.

 

Although I'm in a much better and healthier head space emotionally, it certainly hasn't been easy, and those who have had the unfortunate experience of healing from a breakup know what I mean. It's true when they say that when you experience something as painful as a breakup, that you get the rare opportunity to look at the relationship from the outside in & see people's true colors.

To this day, it still breaks my heart knowing how my ex girlfriend seemed to just be able to move on so quickly with a new partner whom she virtually moved in with straight away...(rebound), and just left me high and dry to try and pick up the pieces & try put myself back together.

 

I'm only just now starting to embrace the positive aspects of being single again, though i'm still kinda uncomfortable with; but it's given me the opportunity to focus on myself for once and where I really want MY life to go, and if anyone else is going through the same, take it from me, some doors you have to just walk through alone, which is not as bad as you might think.

 

I'm actually proud that since my ex girlfriend left me that I haven't done what she has, and what most people do, which is jump straight into another relationship. Instead, I've been allowing myself to go through the healing process which really sucks, but is sooo vital in moving on and forward. And people may have their opinions about the whole thing, but I can tell you that the best thing you can do for yourself if you're going through the same crap is to give yourself time to go through the healing process first & don;t just jump into a relationship before you've allowed yourself to heal first, otherwise you'll be taking whatever baggage from your breakup into your new relationship. Don't be like most dumpers who just jump into a new relationship to try and block out the emotions and pain of the breakup because eventually it WILL catch up and when it does, it'll be worse because you'll have to deal with things like regret...and I know for a fact that at least I will never have to deal with regret.

 

Granted, I've been meeting new people and making new friends...I may even ask a couple of girls out for a nice coffee soon, no pressure, just playing it calm and cool now..I've literally decided that my life will be stress free no matter what, and that has taken so much pressure off myself so I've got nothing but time and peace.

 

So yeah, I'm pursuing my dreams and goals for the year ahead and very focused about it, which is really exciting for me...I guess the best advice I can give to anyone who's going through this phase, or is trying to avoid it, is to just embrace the healing process & go through whatever you have to go through, because eventually you're head will be much clearer, your emotions will settle, you'll be able to center yourself again and have focus & you'll gradually put the pieces of yourself back together, which I'm still in the process of doing, and every piece will make you happier again...true happiness starts with YOURSELF and not your partner, your friends, family or anyone else.

 

So anyway, I'd love to hear how you guys have been dealing with your situation, it's always encouraging to know how well other people are doing.

 

I'll leave you this quote: "When you're willing to climb over enough crap, you can be king of the hill."

[Starseed98]

Nicely done.

 

My one year in update is here. Similar in the way tney moved on.

 

 

[SooSad33]

Yes.. am very aware of the pains of break up. Can be very devastating.. and is quite the experience.. but we have to learn to accept and move on... takes time for sure!

So- good for you on taking that down time to work on YOU and accepting everything.

 

Never feel rushed or that you have to start dating again. As you mentioned you need to work on accepting the break up & heal from that experience, etc.

Some go over 2 years on their own.. some more. All depends and it's all good!

 

Even though it's been about 6 months, you say? If it was long term.. you may find you will need more time than that, when you do start asking gals out for coffee etc. You might find you don't quite have it all together, yet.

 

I do not agree on rebounds.. it is all crappy. Same with fwb. Someone always gets hurt there.

Best to move on & date again when you ARE actually 'ready' for that. No reason to rush.

 

One day at a time... good luck!

[thejigsup]

Two of the longest and best relationships I have had in my life were started within a month of me ending a previous one. They were healthy, happy, relationships that lasted "until death do us part". Sometimes your previous relationship was dead for you for a long time before the breakup and you are very ready to start another one quickly. Now, sometimes it's just someone not being able to deal with being alone, and that is the wrong reason to start any relationship, I agree. But this is not a blanket situation. Sometimes you are ready and sometimes you are not. It's not always one way or the other. But for you, being on your own was good for you and the right thing to do. That doesn't mean your ex was wrong for what she did. You each did what was right for you.