I'm was weak and became a crazy gf, but is this cheating?

[kdot33]

This is a bit hard to explain in text but I'll try my best. So I had a moment of craziness that started out as completely innocent. My boyfriend was sending some work emails on my computer on the weekend and he ended up taking about 2hrs, not that I was worried about him taking that long, I didn't think he was doing anything suspicious. But yesterday when I was using my computer a work file was on my computer and I was just curious about what he was working on. The file then opened to his email. So again I was curious as to his work emails, which was pretty much all he had for most of his inbox. I was mostly just looking at the email headings, I didn't feel good about looking through his emails and I really didn't want to open them. I did open about 3 and a really nice one about him being introduced to a new role within his work. Then I saw one from a year ago (he doesn't have a lot of emails) but it was from Craigslist and he must of responded to someone looking for a wingman. At first I got a bit worried and angry, but then I thought maybe he just wants to help out this guy. Then I was just about to close out but then for some stupid reason I searched 'craigslist'. And about 10 or so emails came up and these were sent from him. He was replying to these ads I guess, like people wanting to meet up to hookup and have sex. Now here's where it gets a little tricky. This was from back in September - October 2014. Our first date was in June 2014 but I would say that we were only 'seeing' each other during that time, but we never talked about having an open relationship. I guess I should add that at that time we hadn't been fully intimate, because of past issues and I was having anxiety issues. We ended up stopping seeing each other around the start of November 2014 and stared talking again in January 2015 and properly started going out middle of February 2015. And I also have to admit that I went full blown crazy and went through his sent emails. Again saw the craigslist emails but also saw he gave feedback for tinder. I'm not so concerned about the tinder email, as we were broken up but we had started talking and seeing each other, although it was dated for the start of Feb. So I'm really not sure what I should do? I mean I have to admit it has really made me feel terrible and to be honest I feel sick. I'm just torn because i know I am completely in the wrong for looking at his emails. I shouldn't have done that, I honestly didn't think I'd see anything other than work emails. And I know our relationship wasn't as serious at that time, but it is now. And this might be a bit silly but we kinda do count those months as us dating. It just really sucks because our relationship is in a really good place at the moment. What do I do

 

Thanks

[limichelle]

Hi!

 

I think anytime you announce boyfriend girlfriend status regardless of how serious it is, you are only committed to that person. What sticks out at me is the tinder dated this month. I would confront him about this. You need to know now. The last thing you want is to get more attached with the wool pulled over your eyes if he is being unfaithful or has been.

 

If he gets mad and accuses you of snooping explain what you told us how it happened.

 

Best of luck,

Lisa

[Reflections11]

I think you are being ridiculous. The tinder thing was at the start of february and you were going out again in the middle of february. He had craigslist emails while you were "seeing each other" but were you just dating? People often date several people at once until something is committed. It doesn't sound like he's done anything, and you are just flipipng out about nothing. What, should he have just sat there and pined for you every day until you guys were official, and especially considering you had anxiety issues and you guys didnt see each other for a while?

[Reflections11]

now, its possible i've misinterpreted, and you guys were commited to each other during that summer... but it sounds like just dating to me from what you wrote, and a lot of people date several people at once.

[kdot33]

Yeah as I said we weren't "official" but at the same time it was basically a relationship, we were seeing each other a lot and never talked about having an open relationship. The tinder thing doesn't really bother me, I think that could of been when we were on a break. But the craigslist thing does a bit, by that time we had seeing each other for 4+ months. I dunno, I get that maybe even if it wasn't "official" yet, it still seems kind of sneaky, I mean at least be open about wanting to see other people. But then I guess maybe he knew I would've just left.

 

Thanks

[j.man]

1. You weren't exclusive during the October 2014 emails.

2. His Tinder stuff was the beginning of Feb and you two weren't "properly dating" until mid-Feb. Additionally, you two had already given it a go before and it didn't work. It's very natural for him not to put all his eggs in one basket right away.

 

So no, he didn't cheat on you. However, you have betrayed his trust by going through his emails. Stop digging through two years of his ****. There's no reason to confront him. Try to figure out why you're being so insecure.

[j.man]

Yeah as I said we weren't "official" but at the same time it was basically a relationship

It either is or isn't. "Basically" doesn't count. If you two didn't agree to one at the time, then it simply didn't exist at that point.

[kdot33]

It either is or isn't. "Basically" doesn't count. If you two didn't agree to one at the time, then it simply didn't exist at that point.

 

Then yeah I would say it was official, I was just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt because we hadn't been fully intimate.

 

I know it's kind of stupid but that's why I wanted to get other peoples opinions.

 

I know I shouldn't have looked at his emails, I really regret that, it's not in my nature to be one of those insecure girlfriends, but I really thought I'd only see his work emails. But that's still no excuse I shouldn't looked.

 

I did joke around with him a few months back that while we were on that break that he probably went on tinder and stuff, he said he didn't. But yeah as I said, I don't mind about the tinder stuff, he can obviously do what he wants if we weren't together.

 

Thanks for your help

[bulletproof]

I know you're saying your relationship is in a good place at the moment, but if it were, why would you be in his emails?

 

I don't think it's cheating. I think if you try to tell him it's cheating, you're on shaky ground, because nothing sounds like it was really defined for a very long time. Also, to me, cheating involves actually following through with something physical, which you don't even know he has.

[Iggy5129]

DONT SNOOP. it only leads to you finding things that you will misinterpret. This is a great example of why you shouldn't snoop. I'm sure if he went through your emails he would find a few that would be suspicious.

[SoulTaker]

I know I shouldn't have looked at his emails, I really regret that, it's not in my nature to be one of those insecure girlfriends, but I really thought I'd only see his work emails. But that's still no excuse I shouldn't looked.

 

Talk about opening the Pandora's box. No, you shouldn't go looking at his emails. It shows "trust issues" on your part, and you can't be in a healthy relationship if one of the partners has a trust problem.

 

But as we all know, if someone gives their partner a "crack in the door" (unattended cellphone, or laptop,...), many of them will take advantage of it.

 

Anything that happened before the two of you became "exclusive" is off limits. Anything problematic that happened after becoming "exclusive" is fair play as far as evaluating his character. Confronting him about it would mean that you will have to explain your deceitful behavior in addition to his actions. Both of you are at fault.