some happy thoughts :)

[lovehearts123]

As youve seen in my previous threads, I was really really played emotionally by my ex. But Im not here to victimise myself. I accept now that I didn't see the red flags, and didn't leave when I should have

He always told me he was lucky to have me. After the breakup, he told my friends I was ugly and emotional mess. That decreased my confidence a bit but now, 4 months later I have regained it.

Whilst the future still scares me and whether I will find someone who is on the same wavelength and me and be able to trust them, I am fairly content. I am very early in healing and would say I have a year to be my perfect happy self.

 

What I did realise is that I am worthy of being loved. I am worthy of someone who doesn't fluctuate with me. Ultimately that's the sign of a real 'husband material' man - his feelings will stay the same and when he wants something ie. a good relationship, he will get it no matter what. I am worth more than being put down by insults about my quirks or my humour or my personality (which I went through). I deserve better than to see pictures of my partner with other girls late at night whilst I sit not knowing where he's at. I deserve better than to be treated like a doormat that can be used for emotional support and replaced when a new girl comes on the scene. I know my worth and how GREAT of a girlfriend i was, and one day I will be a great wife too - sobeit not with him. I deserve to be supported and have someone who helps me become a better version of myself - my ex used to call me arrogant and over confident when I told him about any of my achievements, as if he was in competition with me to do well. I was loyal beyond belief, and didn't talk to boys on more than a work basis so that i stayed away from temptation, whilst he was cultivating relationships. Ultimately, his loss and I am only realising it now.

 

The one thing I regret is asking for him back after I left him (he forced me to leave him essentially), and trying to be friends - which he declined. My emotions were too high and I wasn't able to restrain myself. He now thinks he's so much better than me and even said he could have me back whenever he wants, which of course he can't!!

 

My goal is to really set some tight personal boundaries in the future. I am enjoying single life and will continue to do so and not settle for anyone unless I know that they will treat me right. I suppose people have to earn your trust rather than getting it on a silver plate

 

I do have sad days, I do still cry sometimes merely because of the false promises he gave me. But I know, if i believe in myself and how special I am (without getting arrogant of course), I will find someone so much better and be happy in myself, without hiding my true personality for anyone else.

[lovehearts123]

I kind of wanted to vent today...

 

i felt so alone with him. he kept me with him by promising me what I wanted but otherwise it was all lies. We both have demanding jobs (the same job actually) and he always used to say he was under so much pressure that he had no time for me. In reality, he was out partying with girls whilst i waited for him until the early hours of the morning everyday. he never did any of that for me. i HATE how he thinks hes a better catch than me and how he feels like he did well by treating me so bad that we had to break up. I hate that he thinks his new girl who he cheated on me with is better than me.