PLEASE HELP me !!!

[gem2]

Hello!

 

I'm gonna try and make this story as short as possible, because I know a long read is a boring read:

 

I broke up with my ex of 5 years, 6 weeks ago already.

We broke up cuz I found him on Tinder and it wasn't the first time he had "online cheated".

Ever since the breakup, we've hung out as friends like four times.

I still love him because you can't just stop loving a person like that, and he still loves me too, but even though I forgave him and was willing to give him a second chance, he now wants "time to himself," but still hang out as friends and to not discard the idea of getting back one day.

I was okay with that until a new guy came along.

This new guy is friends with one of my gfs and ever since he saw me for the first time like 3 weeks ago, he's been trying super hard to get my attention and take me out on a date. I kept saying no, but finally said yes.

New guy and I have gone out like 4 times already and i'm starting to like him, but then there's my ex in the background.

I have no idea what to do about this!!!!

I want to really give the new guy a chance because he definitely deserves it: he's such a gentleman, superrrrr respectful, hasn't tried anything funny and he says he's okay with me still having some feelings for my ex. He says he wants to take the risk of getting to know me even if my ex is in the background.

I also don't want to hurt my exes feelings by giving new guy a chance and my ex finding out and thinking that I moved on too soon" and never cared about him the way I said I did.

I want to give new guy a chance, but my ex and I can't seem to really let go of each other.

What do you do when you're stuck between two guys? The new and exciting and the comfortable and familiar that you still love?

And do I need to tell my ex I'm kinda seeing someone? Do I need to tell my ex my situation and ask him one last time if he wants to get back and if he says no thennn give new guy a chance?

Any advice is really appreciated cuz I'm going crazy

[mhowe]

Your ez has already said he isn't interested.

[gem2]

Your ez has already said he isn't interested.

 

He told me he still loves me, but that right now he needs time for himself.

He told me to not discard the idea of getting back together...

 

[mhowe]

If you want to believe that...go ahead.

 

Personally, when someone breaks up with me I take it as a sign that my social life is no longer their concern. I certainly wouldn't sit around while he is taking time to "be free," and on Tinder.

[marley123]

Why bother with the ex when you have said you have caught him on tinder.He obviously is not the faithful type.But I wouldn't start seeing someone new if you have feelings for your ex that's not really fair on the new guy You need to cut all ties with your ex including being friends be on your own,then when your over him completely then start dating again.

[Dashottcalla]

Yea, your ex isn't interested. I'd say let whatever's happening with the new guy progress. As far as letting your ex know, that totally up to you. In your situation I do feel it's the right thing to do.

[DoF]

You need to take time off and just heal/recover after your last relationship. Seriously.

 

You shouldn't be dating right now. Cut off your ex, he doesn't love you....if he did, he wouldn't dump you or cheat on you.

 

And the new guy, date him once you are ready. Long term relationship can take anywhere from 3-6 months or even longer to heal.

 

You are setting yourself up for complete failure right now.....stop

[fitgirl]

The reason you broke up with him is because he was trying to meet girls in your city while you were still together. Why you would still want this guy, is beyond me. He had intentions to cheat and it was not some drunken accident or something. Aside from that, he wants space, presumably so he can see other women while keeping you at arm's length.

 

If you want to give the new guy a chance, you've got to cut the ex off. The ex realized that he could lose you and that's his problem now. Even if you don't want to see the new guy, I would cut the ex off. He's out doing anything he wants to, without regard to you. You can't be friends this early on because there's too many emotions still involved.

 

This whole situation is just a cluster. Honestly, you should take some time to yourself and figure out why you would want someone who is a liar and a cheat, and hopefully do that without bringing a new guy into the picture and, most likely, hurting him.

[redswim30]

He told me he still loves me, but that right now he needs time for himself.

He told me to not discard the idea of getting back together...

 

 

Which is code for, " I want to break up but let you down easy so you don't hate me. I'm going to dangle the possibility of getting back together just in case these Tinder hookups don't work out or I want a booty call sometime"

 

It's over. You need to move on. You don't owe him an explanation. He certainly didn't ask permission to cheat on you.

 

You're broken up. Take the hint. Move on. Let him go.

[HeartGoesOn]

He wants "time to himself" is just a fancy way of saying he wants to place you on the back burner while he shops around for a better deal. I would refuse that offer, as well as jumping the gun with this new guy. In short, your head/heart is nowhere near ready to go forward without taking the time to heal, and spending time with yourself as single woman.