Venny2900 Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 I know I posted about how my boyfriend came out as a bisexual after three years of dating right before he wanted to propose. And if some of you don't know, we started seeing a councillor to clear up some issues. Problem is, in order for me to be more... appreciated* by my parents, my boyfriend decided to tell them he was going to propose on our anniversary which was a few days ago. And of course since he told them they have been talking to me more. But, I decided that due to our circumstances marriage is off the table at least for the following year... if we are still together. The day before our anniversary I was blessed with bronchitis so if my mother asked I was sick and we couldn't go out so he couldn't propose. But now she called him in the morning and told him it would he a wonderful idea to propose on valentine's day. They have no idea what's going because their extreme traditional people and wouldn't understand. So we have no idea what to do... so far I can only see a few options : - we pretend were engaged and get invited to familly reunions and we get peace but we're pretending and that's horrible enough -we say we have issues and tell them were seeing a councillor, which my father will disprove and my mom would constantly harass us and complain and get her nose invited as much as possible to find out why - I tell them the whole story : I get disowned without any guarantee I'm staying with my bf... so basically disowned for nothing - Or he tells them were not ready and we get nagged and harassed and ignored and he'll most likely get the worse end of it I have no idea how I'm going to handle this... Link to comment
j.man Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 "We're gonna wait a bit longer." Link to comment
alc16 Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 We're waiting and that is the end of the discussion. Its your choice, and anybody with any respect for you shouldn't be trying to influence your decision. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 uhhhmmmm. . again with the timing. Is it intentional? He waits years to tell you his orientation and at the same time tells your family to anticipate a proposal. Puts you in a bit of a bind doesn't it? Is this all a coincidence. . or another way to secure things on his end? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 We have decided to wait a bit and I ask that you respect our decision and stop asking. Link to comment
Venny2900 Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 uhhhmmmm. . again with the timing. Is it intentional? He waits years to tell you his orientation and at the same time tells your family to anticipate a proposal. Puts you in a bit of a bind doesn't it? Is this all a coincidence. . or another way to secure things? According to the whole discussion with the councillor, he's more *afraid* of my familly then I am and him telling my parents this, made them talk to me after we had an argument. As if ohhh she's engaged now we can forgive her for being not religious ( the fight was about that) There is no goo way out of this. Literally were both screwed. Link to comment
Venny2900 Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 "We're gonna wait a bit longer." We're gonna end having the : your getting old and you won't be able to have kids later. The I'm the only one left in my familly who isn't married. Going against gods will ... and a dozen other speeches Link to comment
Venny2900 Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 Ohh and the best one so far before they even knew he was going to propose : your not getting married because you don't want to have kids just to spite us and make us the only ones in our familly who don't have grand children Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 My own mother gave me great advise years ago. `You know. . you don't owe people explanations sometimes' It's a powerful tool when you learn to use it. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 You aren't screwed. YOU need to establish boundaries with your.parents regardless of whom or when or if you marry. Link to comment
Venny2900 Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 I was just thinking about throwing them out of my lives. Basically until I'm engage to whomever which then they'll want back in like last time. But it bothers me they tell the rest of my familly not to speak to me. And they actually don't. They don't even pick up the phone. So I have basically just lost all my cousins and aunts and uncles. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 If a word from your parents can cause this to happen, you never "had" them to begin with. Link to comment
Venny2900 Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 If a word from your parents can cause this to happen, you never "had" them to begin with. Probably true Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 You said you dismissed them before. I question what it is that they add to your life besides judgement and criticism. Link to comment
Venny2900 Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 You said you dismissed them before. I question what it is that they add to your life besides judgement and criticism. Honestly not much.... except memories from a good childhood up until I had a different opinion then theirs then it all went bad. They do invite us in familly dinners and I enjoy having a familly.... but I wonder what's the point if their willing to listen to what only my parents say about me. Always siding with them. I'll have no choice but to be alienated, it had to come to that eventually. I just want to be alienated peacefully haha Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 Sometimes you have to walk away from your family of origin for awhile. Doesn't have to be for the rest of your life. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 I was involved with a guy for 8 yes. Some of his friends, all of my family said "walk away". But no one walked away from me. When I finally left...no one said "I told you so", they embraced me. Listen. Link to comment
Venny2900 Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 I was involved with a guy for 8 yes. Some of his friends, all of my family said "walk away". But no one walked away from me. When I finally left...no one said "I told you so", they embraced me. Listen. Well I admitted to them we had a problem and it might take time. She then told me not to call her until I grow up and get ready to settle down. So I called her back to answer her back and she never picked up. She then texted to my bf : I'm sorry your stuck with her. Yeah. I heard that Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 My first sign of maturity was when I could listen to the 'advice' of my mother and laugh. Really, it doesn't 'need' to be any skin off your back to just thank the nice people for caring and ask them to pass the bread. Link to comment
Venny2900 Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 My first sign of maturity was when I could listen to the 'advice' of my mother and laugh. Really, it doesn't 'need' to be any skin off your back to just thank the nice people for caring and ask them to pass the bread. I highly doubt they would pass thay bread until I obeyed their will. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 I highly doubt they would pass thay bread until I obeyed their will. Then be kind to them anyway, and buy your own bread. Link to comment
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