20 yrs since I graduated from HS and still no gf

[iwishiknew]

I can't believe it has been 20 yrs since I graduated from HS and still today, I never had a gf and I never kissed a girl yet. I never thought this would happen to me at all It doesn't seem normal or right at all for a human being like me who is really nice, caring, athletic and outgoing not to have at least one gf during those 20 yrs after hs. I kind of feel like my time is up and time is just passing by so fast and I'm getting to dam old. I wish time would not go by so dam fast.

[thejigsup]

Go up to a lady you are interested in and start talking to her. We are not, repeat, not, monsters. We are people just like you.

[nuttybuddy]

seriously. as a male, the balls in your court. most guys have to make their destiny. so it's rare that a guy has trouble finding a girl who will like him back. maybe your standards are too high? maybe you need to work on your pick up lines?

[Clarisse]

It looks like you've had quite a few posts on this issue and have sort of a complicated problem, due to your health and the fact that it impacts your appearance. That must be difficult for you in the age of online dating where looks are "everything" (maybe not really, but it seems that way sometimes).

 

Can you tell us what tactics you've tried so far based on the advise you've received either on ENA or in real life? Have any been more successful than others?

 

Are you leading a full life other than dating?

[musicman777]

OP, I also went through your forum history. I'm turning 26 this week so you got a few years on me. However, I think I can see a few problems here with your dating game. Number one... you seem to CONSTANTLY complain about your height (as well as other physical abnormalities). I'm sorry about this. But it's not a deal breaker. It sounds like you hold too much concern over this. News flash; not all women care about dating some 6'7 freak. Quit letting height fool you. There are women (I know some) that are tall and have openly said they would definitely give a guy shorter than them a shot if he really proved himself. Let me say I have dated someone taller than me once and it's not a bad thing being eye-level with their boobs. Quit thinking of it as a negative thing. I even know a really short guy that is a world champion martial artist. When you see how awesome the guy is at karate, you totally look past his height. You need to let your other attributes/qualities shine through to people.

You know, some women are even attracted to things you may not even realize. I work out a lot but never considered myself all that buff but I get hit on by an actress once in public. I also used to think I had a skimpy voice. I play video games and people think I'm some kind of 12 year old punk. But recently in a bar, a very attractive girl was totally digging my voice, she said she liked my accent and everything. So you know, there's probably someone out there that likes something about you, doesn't mind your height and likes your other qualities.

 

Number two - I seen a post by you even complaining about your penis size. REALLY? How can you possibly even complain about that when you haven't even had sex with a woman before, let alone kissed one?!? Again, news flash; not all women care about the size of your junk. I'm willing to bet your penis is average sized. Not all men out there are 'well hung'. And a small penis doesn't mean women won't like you or want to be with you. It's not about size. It's about 1) how you use it and 2) the person it's attached to. Women like an intimate connection with a man and have sex because they care for and have feelings for that person. You are placing too much emphasis on something VERY stupid.

Number three - I seen your post about the 200lb fat girl, I actually laughed reading it but at the same time, it was kind of cruel/judgmental towards that woman. It sounds to me like you place too much emphasis on not only your physical appearance but others. And you're not really getting to know people that well like that. And who cares if she turned you away? Women reject men for all kinds of stupid reasons. Maybe she was insecure and thought you were HOT, or maybe she's a closet lesbian! Quit thinking of yourself as the loser all the time.

 

Last but not least; I seen you mention you have been on POF for over 12 years with no luck. I feel your pain because I also faced a lot of rejection with the online dating. However, in my first three months on match.com, I actually did land a date with a cute girl. However, she basically used me for a nice meal and never went on a second date. She also gave me (no joke) the some crazy mono-type virus and I got bedridden sick for months from kissing her. The online game is awful. You need to quit it because it's not working for you and in general, online dating is garbage. I can't begin to tell you the things I have found wrong with online dating.

Let me ask what others have asked, what have you actually tried to do to meet someone nice besides that crappy website Plenty of ****? Do you have friends that have tried to set you up? Do you have any hobbies/activities you have tried to meet people? So this past year myself, I joined a co-ed volleyball group to try to meet women. Let me tell you; there are definitely attractive women that play. I have not really gotten to know any personally or flirt (yet). But the point is I am trying. And I am putting myself in situations where something could happen. And also, it has help me become more social. I made a long post about it months ago. But when I first joined, I didn't realize how not-social I was. I had a hard time talking to anyone there, let alone the women. There were middle-aged/old married people on my team and I was uncomfortable even talking to them. I could be wrong, but maybe you face similar social anxieties and things.

 

I really think you gotta start making some changes. It sounds to me like you have insecurities and you aren't really all that proactive with dating. You mope and you go on dating sites. At one point, if somethings not working, you gotta change the strategy up a bit. I agree with the jigsup as well. You need to start talking to women everywhere. Grocery stores, gas stations, malls, anywhere. If there is a woman out and a bout, just go up and talk to her. And try something new, hobbies, activities, sports leagues, ANYTHING. There's women out there, just look! I'm not trying to be a jerk with anything in this post, I'm just trying to help you. I think I speak for everyone here to say we would love to see you actually find someone not only so you can be happy but so so you can see how silly/dumb all of your worries are.

[nuttybuddy]

i agree with musicman's post. he's actually doing a great thing by being in a volleyball club that has middle aged people and couples. if he strikes up friendship with any of them, they may consider him to be a great catch and will consider introducing him to someone they know. the possibilities are endless.

 

you should find a hobby that you like and start to socialize. many singles i know who are good looking and have great jobs were also in YOUR SAME BOAT. they were so lonely that they didn't have someone to love. but ya know what? they put themselves out there. one guy met his girl while playing his favorite game online. another guy met his girl on a car forum. they're both now married. another guy i know recently met his girl through the introduction from a friend. and HOW did his friend know to introduce him? because he put himself out there! he was socializing and genuinely making friends in the process.

 

think about how many friends you have. how often do you hang out with them? if you don't have enough friends, you need to go out there and make more friends. how? find what you like to do--hobby, activity, church. that is the best way.

[bulletproof]

 

Can you tell us what tactics you've tried so far based on the advise you've received either on ENA or in real life? Have any been more successful than others?

 

Are you leading a full life other than dating?

 

Those are great questions. So what's the answer?

[H8Reality217]

doesn't seem uncommon

[ClarenceRutherford]

I kind of feel like my time is up and time is just passing by so fast and I'm getting to dam old. I wish time would not go by so dam fast.

You'll find that as you get older, time whizzes by quickly.

In high school, sitting in study hall the last hour with nothing to do seemed to drag on forever.

Today, in my 50s, 15 minutes on the timer reheating food in the oven goes very fast.

 

 

I can't believe it has been 20 yrs since I graduated from HS and still today, I never had a gf and I never kissed a girl yet. I never thought this would happen to me at all It doesn't seem normal or right at all for a human being like me who is really nice, caring, athletic and outgoing not to have at least one gf during those 20 yrs after hs.

 

If you're a Christian, or used to be more of one (Believe me, I know what that's like !!!), I'd suggest looking in churches, church singles groups, Christian singles groups, etc.

Look for the larger churches as those usually have more singles compared to the smaller churches.

 

You don't have to believe everything a particular denomination believes, but there are quality, eligible single women there.

Many of them haven't dated much either, or haven't had much sexual experience, so it may make for a good match.

 

I had been away from church a couple of years my first several years out of college.

I found a church with a large singles group and met a woman (I was 26, she was 30) who became my first real adult (non-sexual) relationship.

Unfortunately, she dumped me after 6 mos.

 

Though I had dated in the past, I wasn't good at it and made many other mistakes which in hindsight, seem so clear.

She also was very judgemental and was tolerant of many other things & believes but not me.

She couldn't get past our political differences (I never made a big deal about my political views), which was a shame because as she was a 30 y.o. Christian virgin, I treated her like a gentleman, something I doubt many other men she may have dated would do.

I wasn't like her, a virgin, but that doesn't mean I was promiscuous or had lots of "experience." Quite the contrary and something I wish I'd "explained" better when she nearly came to tears when I told her I wasn't. That was another thing at the end that she wasn't reluctant to tell me she didn't like about me

 

I never thought this would happen to me at all

 

It doesn't seem normal or right at all for a human being like me who is really nice, caring, athletic and outgoing not to have at least one gf during those 20 yrs after hs.

 

Well, it's up to you to make the changes you need to meet women.

 

I see how you've lived in campgrounds or have been homeless.

If you meet a woman at a campground, or anywhere for that matter, it isn't that difficult to strike-up a conversation with them.

 

The other day at a bicycle shop where I was waiting to pick-up my 24-speed which was in for repair, I chatted with this younger lady bicyclist.

 

It was easy talking with her and if I wasn't married, I could see how I could easily talked more about her bicycling, where she works, added in questions about her other interests, her schooling, etc.

"That's interesting. I'd like to hear more about (this hobby). I'd like to talk about that over dinner or lunch. Would you be available this weekend to talk about it at XYZ restaurant?"

 

She could've said yes or politely declined, but see how "easy" it was to work-in a date?

The restaurant date would be "neutral" and non-threatening to her.

If either of us found the meeting wasn't going well or wasn't interesting, either of us could politely leave at will.

 

It takes some courage but so did climbing up the high-dive that first time !!!

 

If I was you, I would try to get into casual conversations with women you meet.

 

Take that bicycle shop.

You could've pointed out her bicycle.

 

"I see you ride a XYZ model. How do you like it?"

"I'm considering getting another bicycle. What's your experience like?"

"How long do you usually ride? An hour? Half a day?"

"What are your favorite routes?"

 

Or if she was wearing a Beatles or Beach Boys shirt, you could ask her about her musical preferences. (Yes, that's a bit dated, but believe it or not, I did see a young 20-something women wearing a Beatles shirt on a trolley once).

 

People love to talk about themselves. I always find it easy to ask questions focusing on the other.

 

I hope this advice from someone who was a "dating loser" for most of his 20s, helps.