EJ22 Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 My boyfriend of two years broke up with me about 2 months ago fairly out of the blue. He said that i was the right person and it was just the wrong time in his life-we were doing long distance (about an hour away) and seeing each other every two weeks or so. He has a temporary job which is coming to and end soon after which he is hoping to go travelling for a bit and then go to grad school overseas. We had been arguing a bit in the build up towards the break up as I wanted him to commit more if he was going away to grad school for a year or so. He said that as much as he loved me and despite the fact he can imagine a future with me he felt like at this point in his life he couldn't commit to anyone for the rest of his life. I should also point out that I was his first serious relationship and he doesn't exactly have great relationship role models in his life-his family situation is complicated to say the least! Since the BU in the few interactions that we have had (I went NC for about a month then asked him to meet up) he has said that he can picture 'coming to find me in a couple of years' and 'being more sure about us in the future'. But he also told me since then that the last time he had come to visit me he felt different but 'didn't fully know why'. The last time he came to visit was three weeks before we broke up and in that time we didn't see each other face to face. He said that he's still in love with me and will never truly understand what happened between us. I'm just so confused as he was always telling me that he felt our relationship was going from strength to strength and he had 'never been happier'. He also said recently that he can't comprehend never seeing or speaking to me again and that he has felt regretful and guilty since the BU, that his 'overwhelming emotion was one of sadness'. During the BU he basically spent 24 hours crying his eyes out-surprising as in the whole time I've known him he never cried once. The last time we spoke I got really angry with him and called him a weak person for doing all of this as it didn't make sense-he replied saying that as much as he loves me deep down towards the end he was hoping i was going to break up with him and he didn't feel as excited about coming to see me and stuff. He said he wanted space after that as our conversations 'kept escalating'. Since then (about 3 weeks ago) we have had no communication and I'm really struggling. When we were together everyone always commented on what a great couple we were and we were truly so happy. Of course we had some issues during the relationship but he always said that there was nothing we couldn't overcome. We constantly talked about the future and he said he had imagined 'marrying me so many times'. I just keep thinking that he has to come back as this is so out of character for him; he always said that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and was so loving and a pretty much perfect boyfriend. I know I should try and move on and forget about him but I just can't-I feel depressed and can't concentrate on work and stuff-I'm constantly worrying about who he's with and whether he's seeing anyone else-I know he was talking to someone from work just before we broke up but I'm not sure if anything is going on. Do you think there is a chance he might come back or is it over for good? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 I think he realized between the long distance and his future plans that a committed relationship was not a priority. Calling him weak was very mean spirited. He is making decisions for his life...time for you to do the same. Link to comment
LovelyDani87 Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 He could very well come back around but there's no point in waiting around with your fingers crossed, right now the only things that is true is that you two are no longer together. I know it's so very hard to do but try not to worry about about who he could or could not be seeing, it'll only drive you crazy. I know it hurts, trust me. I recently stopped communicating with my ex and it's difficult but time is the ultimate healer. If your ex is unsure about things then the only thing you can do is allow space and continue on with your life. Hang in there! Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 He's smart enough to realize that he enjoyed his time with you while it lasted but he's not willing/able or perhaps capable of remaining practically celibate while away so he's ending it now so he won't have to break your heart in other ways. Don't wait around for him to come back to you. If he was afraid of losing you, he would have sewed you up before he left so that YOU wouldn't find someone else. My advice for your best emotional health going forward: Consider your affair a fling that has now ended and get on with your next adventure in dating. Sorry you're hurting. Link to comment
jobelle Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 he felt like at this point in his life he couldn't commit to anyone for the rest of his life You need to listen to him. Often people will tell us exactly where we have them and not only do we not listen but we also make excuses for them (complicated family situation etc). He told you that he doesn't want a committed relationship, so you need to listen and try to accept. It's okay to feel sad and depressed. You are going through a tough time. You will get through this, but healing can only commence when you start NC. And if he cares about you he will not continue giving you mixed signs, he will leave you alone so you can heal. Link to comment
EJ22 Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 Thank you for all your replies, they've been really useful!! Just wondering whether people think it's just a timing issue? I also want to know whether or not people think that he's just saying 'I can imagine finding you again in the future' and that he can 'picture being more sure' to make me feel better or whether he actually means it? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 He said it to soften the blow. No one k ows what the future holds, so best to embark on your own journey. Link to comment
EJ22 Posted February 22, 2016 Author Share Posted February 22, 2016 I'm trying really hard to move on but i keep thinking all the things that he said about a week before we broke up like 'i do imagine a future with you' and 'I'm not about to break up with you', 'I want to be with you, bottom line', 'I don't want to lose you'. I literally just cannot comprehend why someone would say these things and then a week later suddenly decide that it's over?! What goes through someone's mind to result in such a rapid turnaround? It's been five weeks now since we last had contact.... Link to comment
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