Day of days yesterday

[adviceplease2]

Started after I got to work. Ex wife's family member pops up...I get told to come see him...he says he has christmas presents for the kids and wants to meet up, says hes cut her off that she lost her mind, I give him my business card with my direct line. we talk just briefly. Was completely out of the blue.

 

Pregnant ex girlfriend that dumped me over christmas that I havent talked to in two weeks text me to remind me that the next ultrasound is in a couple of weeks. I thanked her. Was completely out of the blue.

 

Had a phone number show up on my phone from someone I had a falling out with some time ago...it rang once...must have realized what number had been called and hung up quickly. Was completely out of the blue.

 

Then I get in a small text conversation last night with the exgirlfriend who dumped me over Christmas about my cousin who had just been caught in a lie to both of us.

 

Then I find out the ex-wife wont actually sign the papers we'd talked about and had drawn up with specifications we'd agreed on finally.

 

Please tell me peace is coming my way soon. Really wish I could get away for a few days but thats not possible. Would probably just remind me of my last out of town travel with my ex girlfriend anyway so whatever.

 

Have to keep everything internalized so the kids dont see how much pain I feel emotionally and psychologically and its exhausting.

[Clinton]

It gets better. I t just takes time. Hang in there. Eventually you won't feel so crappy. Stay busy and try and be there for the kids.

[adviceplease2]

Thanks Clinton. I sure hope it gets better. Ever since the middle of December and really a few weeks before that, its felt like everything is just swirling around me. I do my best to take care of the kids, do my best with whats going on at work (been a lot of uncertainties on that front as well), do my best with relationships in my life....but my goodness sometimes, like now, just feels like so much is out of my control.

 

Think thats why I started posting here, as a release so to speak. Been holding things in, not talking to anyone, just going about my duties, doing what I'm supposed to do....then crumbling after the kids are asleep and I'm alone....just to start over again the next day. I'm not one to say I need a break, I usually just trudge through and deal with whatever....but I can feel something different these days, I need a break. Need something to give, need some good things to come my way, some good news, something....

 

Been very hard dealing with my ex girlfriend, knowing I basically can't be there and watch her belly grow and just be there for her....its amazing how hard that is still. I'm trying to get those papers signed to finally close out the everything with the kids mom, and I really don't want to have to fight another battle, but if I have to I just have to.

 

One problem I've noticed, in myself, I tend to be too quiet and let things happen instead of just saying.....whoa, wait a minute, this is the way it is and this is what I'm going to do, if you like it fine, if you don't, tough. I let what I think people think about me really get to many too much and I'm tired. Just need to anchor myself and be me....and if you don't like it, well, tough. And that goes for dealing with some family members too....the ones that like to stir things up...its exhausting, just shut the hell up.

[BlarneyStone]

Read The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson. It'll give you some important exercises to do to help you move on and it gives lots of examples.

[adviceplease2]

And now....with an event at the school today that my pregnant ex and I attended...separately of course......she's sending me pictures she took of my kids and me.

[skern]

You will get through, just keep moving one foot in front of the other. Focus on your kids, on healing yourself on keeping yourself centered and you'll get through the pain quicker.