Waiting on her???

[Madman1373]

Two months ago my girlfriend had left me...it definitely was easy either. I spent the first month and a half trying to truly figure out why she left me...I found out finally and spent the remainder of that time trying to get her back, but of course I did make mistakes that I regret. My anger and despair coming out and me saying awful things. It seemed the last straw was when I had seen her again in almost two months. I didn't talk to her at the facility and I later saw her talking to abother guy. This guy I know because it was the guy she was interested before me. Me and this man had talked many times that day and he is a good person and he gave me some good tips and advice, while being supportive. I went to them and shook the man's hand and told him thanks for the pleasant conversation, while ignoring my ex, which I did because once again, I was mad and distraught. It was rude, I know that and before leaving I went back to her and told her I was sorry.

Conveniently that day I had finally finished my car, a 1982 corvette. It was one of the things we were both waiting on while we were dating but I guess took to long to happen. When it was later the same night I took the car up to her place and showed it to her and her family. The parents were happy to see me and hugged me, and the went to go check out the car. Whole that was happening, me and my ex had a talk....I apologized to her, knowing that I made yet another mistake. She told it that I had stressed her out and told me that my actions speak more than my words and that she'll not let me convince her to come back to me. She said i have lost her trust and integrity and that she does not love me anymore. At that moment I left saying that I love her still.

The proceeding days I had tried not to talk to her which had failed miserably until her grandpa had gotten into a wreck. I texted her to check up on him and later it lead to a personal conversation about our relationship. She called and she told me that she's tried to be nice, mean, convincing, and to ignore me but I told her I guess I was just as stubborn as her. She told me I lost her trust because of the mistakes that I made trying to get her back and she would not come back to me due to that. She last asked me what I really want and I told her I just want what we had back...the relationship, the love that we both had. She told me that he doesn't want what we had but I told her I just wish she'd realize. Realize that I don't want what we had but something new, a clean slate...new moments, memories, a new future, and a new love. She told me no and that she had to go.

It's only been a few days and I have not talked to her except that when she came into my town I told her that she should watch out for the icy roads. I honestly don't know what to expect and it keeps on messing with my head. I've isolated myself, I dream of her every night of us getting back together and it's the same everytime. I seem to have anxiety attacks when I see something of her.

I'm trying NC and I can only wonder if I should really wait on her. I swear she still cares for me, I can see it even if she denies it. I only wonder if I should wait or break loose and try to find someone else...but don't get me wrong, I still love her as much as I did when it was perfect.

[AutumnBorn]

In my opinion, finding someone else isn't the answer. Neither is waiting for her to come to her senses.

 

I suggest, instead, you focus on living your best life and becoming the best version of yourself. Learn something new, preferably something you can really throw yourself into (martial arts, learning to play an instrument or a new language). Take up a new hobby. Become involved in your community. Workout. Always look your best. Practice kindness and compassion.

 

Give her plenty of room to breath - create space where you used to be. Don't chase her. Don't contact her. Just let her live her life. It takes patience, but every time you reach out to her, you push her further away and add a foot to the wall she's been building. By not contacting her, she'll become more relaxed. As time passes, her memories will soften.

 

That doesn't mean ignoring her when you see her. Just smile, say 'hello', and be casual, pleasant, as you would with any other person with whom you don't have a history. Never, ever talk about the relationship or getting back together. And don't compliment her, which she may take as flirting and don't ask anything personal.

 

In time, she may reach out to you. By then, however, you may wonder what you ever saw in her because you'll have grown as a human being and have moved on. If you haven't, same rules apply - no talking about the past as the old relationship is over.

 

I hope this helps.

[jay33]

I'm in the same boat she still loves me and misses me but doesn't want to be with me she said she needs time. I know how hard it is I've had girls talking to me I couldn't do it you need time first to heal before you go for a new girl or you could end up diving into a relationship that you will really regret.

[kbbcoop77]

This concept of your exes still loving you and missing you but don't want to be with you is terribly misguided. If they loved and missed you they WOULD be with you...! The reality is they don't love you anymore that's why they left. They're done. The sooner you accept it the sooner you can work on getting them out of your head. Believe me I know as I went through the same thing but after 2 years im in a much much better place, and we were together 24 years. It takes a long time but NO CONTACT and filling your time with other tasks will do the trick. Once I realized this it got so much better. She shot me a text a couple months ago for my bday and I immediately deleted without responding and it felt great. She's in the past. You need that mindset