Beccy Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Hello all! Maybe you've seen my last threads on this guy, most notably /showthread.php?t=508815 Anyway, I won't repeat the information from my last thread...but I will add on something new. He's been hinting that we should go to the movies sometime since, like, forever. He's very timid, though, so only once before was he very insistent when "asking me out"...I dropped by his workplace to say hi and he begged me to stay for coffee. I wanted to, but I pretty much freaked and ran because it sounded too much like a date...I've never dated, have always been told it's "bad" and I "shouldn't ruin my life"...and my own reaction frightened me...I wanted SO badly to stay with him, I wanted him to hold me and never let go... He's always been very respectful of me, even though everyone we know says he likes me. He is very, VERY careful about the way he touches me, if at all. It's almost like sometimes he wants to hug me but he'll do it sideways and not squeeze me against him, and at other times he is hesitant even to place a friendly hand on my shoulder. When my father set all those stupid rules that stipulated we couldn't be together after 10PM and couldn't be together without my little sisters present, he agreed very anxiously and readily, as he was always eager to please, very meek and obedient and didn't want my father to forbid him to see me altogether... And when my mother messaged him at 7PM asking where I was and whether I was with him (I was outside talking to the neighbor, ahaha) he replied that he would never encourage me to be out at that hour with any man, even himself...said he hadn't even asked me what time I got off work because it "wouldn't be correct". When my parents kicked me out, I contacted him and we spoke a little bit. He was very anxious for my well-being and said he wasn't in my town but would come back to see me, as he had to return for work anyway. I lent him money for the bus ticket so he wouldn't have to hitch a ride, which is extremely dangerous here. At first he refused, but then he agreed "On the condition that I would let him pay me back and take me out to the movies or to dinner". I had been mentally kicking myself for not accepting his first invitation, so I said "Okay and left it at that so as not to seem overeager. He then DID ask what time I got off school, said it didn't matter that it was really late, he'd come, pick me up, take me to the movies and then drop me off at my house. He insisted that he really missed me, that he wanted to see me, that I'm the most important person in his life and have left an ineffaceable mark on his heart, etc. and asked me to go see him at his workplace the next day. I would have gone had I not had to work all day long. He's also been a lot flirtier through text after my parents abandoned me. Not that he didn't call me these things before, but now I am "princess" or "beautiful" or "my precious little girl" FAR more often than before. He refers to me as "beautiful Tinúviel" and has also begun tentatively teasing me...not in a mean way but in a charming, playful manner. Our date (surely that is what this is!) was set for yesterday; however at midnight the day before he texted me saying because he'd been away they'd changed his rest day and he wouldn't be able to make it. I was bitterly disappointed at not seeing him then, but didn't show it as I knew it wasn't his fault. I said, "Oh well, there's always another time," to which he replied, "Tuesday. They changed it to Tuesday!" And he thanked me for "caring for this ugly and crazy friend of yours", to which I replied "you're not ugly, stop saying that or you'll believe it." And he came back with "Naaaah, I don't believe it. I'm just saying it so you'll say the opposite! I teased him about it and he got all poetic. "Our friendship is like a beautiful flame, I keep feeding it so that it will never die out, but I feel I am messing it all up instead." And I pretended to get all pouty and annoyed, to which he quickly responded with "It was just a joke! Don't get angry!" And I said I'd just been annoying him and sent him a virtual text hug. I am waiting for him today to have our, ahem, outing. He hasn't yet confirmed the time, but I'll be waiting for him after school. I'm just freaked out, and since posting about this and reading all the advice helps me get my emotional whirlpool under control...I am doing that. Please tell me--what can I expect? Is it likely he might try to kiss me, or more, given how he's turned a lot bolder lately as far as I'm concerned? What could be the reason behind this change? Subtle though it is, I've seen it, and I definitely like it! But do you think he'll try to kiss me/hold hands/etc. while we're watching the movie? If so, how should I respond? Is it wrong if I don't stop him, if he does? I think I do want him to kiss me, but I've never kissed before and don't know how...And I don't want to do anything wrong and seem easy or desperate...he does know I've never had a bf before, it took me a while to fall for him and I wouldn't want anyone else... I guess you could say this is a "first date" but as we have hung out together in many different settings (park, bench at the mall, work, loafing around the city, etc.) we know each other pretty well already so there's not that "first date" feeling, except well this would be the FIRST TIME I go anywhere alone with a guy where it's actually planned beforehand to be just the two of us. He's had a gf before but she dumped him for someone else when his family lost all their money. I'm considered very pretty around here, for God knows what reason as I don't consider myself to be particularly physically attractive. But lately I've been getting lots of unwelcome male attention, mostly from older (25+) guys or from random Facebook strangers...and sometimes when I'm out walking on the street or in a store I'll get random comments like "oh you're so pretty!" or "I love your eyes!" It's uncomfortable because I like to stand out for my intelectual c, and I feel they are being insincere as I'm not really that pretty. I just have especially thick (and unruly) hair and light greenish-gray eyes, which is quite unusual here in Mexico, but not so much here in my town as I live in a heavily frequented tourist area. Coming from men... my mom says that what they're really after is...well, I have big..erm...parts But I'm not sure why women also compliment me. Anyway, I do know Beren gets jealous of all the guys who say things like that to me, though he won't say anything to them he'll later gripe to me about how "promiscuous", "dirty" and "disgusting" those guys are and asking me to block them and never speak to them again. (Mind, for strangers; when it's a friend of mine he says nothing though I can tell he's not happy about it). Just the day before, he said "My girl, I know you have new friends and that makes me happy, but I hope you will never replace me!" I was like, what dude? LOL we said we'd be friends forever. Any tips/advice/insight on what is going on and why? I love him so, so much and was planning on telling him before he asked me out...but now he did and I think it would be best for now if I waited to see if HE says it...am I right? Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 You dont seem to have calmed down at all. You are so worried about will he hold your hand, will he want to kiss you. Why not just go with whatever happens? Quit over thinking and over analyzing possibilities Hold his hand. Let him kiss you if he tries and it feels right to you. You really need to calm down. Link to comment
tallydoo Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Breathe. Go for a run or something productive to get your mind off the date: you're in a spiral of nerves right now. Link to comment
Beccy Posted January 20, 2016 Author Share Posted January 20, 2016 Breathe. Go for a run or something productive to get your mind off the date: you're in a spiral of nerves right now. I'd rather be in a spiral of nerves over something I'm actually looking forward to than the fact that my friend I'm currently staying with keeps pushing back our move date even though we've already overstayed our welcome in the house we're renting. Ugh. xD Yes, I'm nervous, but I also want to know...hence my questions! Beren said he might be able to get me a room to rent that would be close to where he lives I think I shall take him up on that...if they allow me to keep my puppy and fish tank, that is. Also, I'm asking what you guys think will happen/I should do/etc., not whether I should calm down. Is that too much to ask? Link to comment
Iggy5129 Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 So did this "date" actually happen or what? Because I have a feeling this guy is all talk and no action. Link to comment
Beccy Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 So did this "date" actually happen or what? Because I have a feeling this guy is all talk and no action. We had to put it off till Monday. But... my friend just randomly decided to move away and leave me on my own. And Beren is helping me find a room to rent! He's such a sweetheart!!! He works all day, every day, yet is now getting up earlier so that he can go look. He says he won't tell me where he's looking because he knows a few places but doesn't want to risk me ending up somewhere unsafe. Tell me...what kind of person will actually do that even for a friend!? Link to comment
FlashEng1 Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 I agree with you overthinking and putting so much into it. I understand how you may feel you want to be in that spiral of nerves, rather than getting a quick grip and coming into reality, but do know the sooner you do do that, the better things will be not just for him, but certainly you as well. Any tips/advice/insight on what is going on and why? I love him so, so much and was planning on telling him before he asked me out...but now he did and I think it would be best for now if I waited to see if HE says it...am I right? Reading through your messages; if I were to couple looks with the personality that stands out from your posts, I'd pin you as a very attractive (Whether you believed it or not holds little value here) woman who grew up very traditional and strict. Who perhaps has been "sheltered" from different experiences other women your age have had. Hopefully you're not being set up to be controlled or manipulated. You're smitten and caught up so heavily by his words, by the idea of, by fantasies. It's nice you're asking for advice other than being told to calm down; but that's the most sound, and feasible advice that can and should be given. The major red flag here is with much of what you have said in this thread and the previous. It's great having butterflies and all, but (for example!) to rack your brain so heavily over holding hands, kissing, and being seen as easy.. from a date at the movies?? After the history you two have already had??? If you don't see the cause for concern in that example alone, than any other example seems moot. You seem like a very sweet and innocent young woman. Just be safe, and NEVER worry or fear what will happen next if you flat out say "NO" at any point in time with this guy. That's perhaps the best advice I can give you.. Link to comment
Beccy Posted January 24, 2016 Author Share Posted January 24, 2016 Sooooo yesterday he asked if I could go see him at his job. He helped me find a place to live...was late to work just to look for a room for me. (I was also looking, of course, but I'd had no luck; and having bounced from room to room not too long ago, he knows his way around). When I was on my way he made an effort to speak in English (which was adorable as he only knows a few words), sent me a message asking about my favorite color, then asking whether I liked Bugs Bunny, and then what type of phone I had. I thought it was unusual and asked him why and he said "oh I can't tell you," so I was like, "Oh, then you're going to be all mysterious, eh?" and he replied "Yes 8D "...when I got there he gave me a case for my phone, that I'd been looking for (how he knew I needed one, I'll never know!)...it was pink with hearts, with a drawing of the Eiffel Tower and the word LOVE on it...he said the only blue case they had had Bugs Bunny on it and as he didn't know whether I liked it he got me this one instead. As I was just arriving he texted me saying, "Are you here yet? I don't want to hurry you, hahaha, just asking," to which I didn't reply as I was indeed there and wanted to sneak up on him, LOL. As soon as I saw him, all my anxiety/nervousness just melted away. I felt I could be myself with him around, and I knew he wouldn't judge me if I messed up or tripped over my own words. Mind, we hadn't seen each other for over a month. So when I found his booth he was sitting there poking at his phone. I moseyed up and said hi, and I saw how his eyes lit up... He jumped like a kitten and immediately ran out to hug me. I can generally tell when someone really doesn't want to see me...a common reaction I get, I might add, as I'm a bit of an introvert at times and at others way too chatty. With Beren, it's different. I can totally tell he enjoys my company. He said he was really nervous but happy and I asked him why. He said, "Because you're here," and I teased him about it, saying I don't bite. His hands were really sweaty and he just kept looking at me...saying I was the most beautiful girl in the world and asking if I get told that a lot. He introduced me to his boss and some "co-workers" (read: competitors) with whom he is friendly. I watched him with his boss's two-year-old son. He's just so sweet and affectionate. The boy obviously adored him, and he was able to calm him when he screamed after his mother left to buy something. By contrast, the kid wouldn't even say hi to me, LOL 8p He was waaaay more touchy-feely than was his wont...not that I minded, lol. Nothing inappropriate, of course. He wouldn't be capable of it, I'm sure. It's just that usually I initiated all touching except the mandatory greeting hug and peck on the cheek. But our hugs this time were closer and more lingering. He kissed me probably five or six times, all on the cheek, and even took a photo of him kissing me (his idea, not mine). Normally I feel shy enough around guys to not touch them except for said hug/peck and maybe a poke or punch on the arm if they're being annoying and we're friends, but with him, it just felt natural, no hesitation. He confided to me that he thought he might be depressed because sometimes he felt sad, but I told him it's normal with all that he's gone through and he needs to stay strong. I took his hand as I said this, hardly realizing I'd done so, and just as I was like "oh poop now he'll think I'm hitting on him or something" he took both my hands and started to examine them. I wanted to disappear because of my chewed-up fingernails (I have been struggling against this habit for over ten years, unsuccessfully ) but he didn't seem to care about it and said my hands were beautiful. Then he apologized for getting sweat on my hands, then took out a pen and drew a beautiful scene on the back of my hand...two strange but cute marshmallow creatures he invented, with several hearts, our names and "I love you"/"Friends Forever" Beren asked me when he could take me to the movies. I said "You tell me," and he complained, "But you're always busy, and you always say your boss doesn't let you off work!" (True. I do say that. But I say it because it's true 8-| ) So I told him what time I get off school and he asked to pick me up Monday. I said yes! 8D He also gave me a silver fish necklace that he said was very special to him. He wanted to give me everything he had, LOL!!! He got sad, but I wouldn't let him lol... he wanted to give me his sweatshirt "so I'd feel he was hugging me whenever I wore it". I absolutely refused to take it, though, because it's FREEZING where he works, and I already had a warm vest. He insisted, but I said "I don't want you to catch a cold and not be able to meet me on Monday!" and he gave up. 8D I just feel I am sooooo lucky to have found this guy. He mentioned to me how some of the girls and even guys in other booths hit on him, sometimes trying to get him to go to their place and get drunk, or hugging him and trying to kiss him on the lips/put their hands in his back pockets, etc. (I know he doesn't like it from them, so of course I didn't try it either 8p ) He even pointed out the girls who did it. I didn't think much of it because he's sometimes told me about those types of incidents since we met, but my grandma says it proves he's trying to manipulate me into being jealous...however, she thinks the same of all men. And if that is his aim, it doesn't work, LOL. I'm normally a somewhat jealous person, but in these cases, I don't feel even a twinge. I know he cares about me, and that's enough for me. (This isn't just a gut feeling. Sometimes when I'm out with him a really cute girl will walk past and he won't even take his eyes off me to look at her.) This is a guy who wouldn't hurt a fly, who I know for sure (because I've seen it) will hardly raise his head if attacked, either verbally or (God forbid!) physically. Yet there was another guy who was checking me out and Beren threw him a killing stare...then laughed sheepishly about it when the guy left, saying he (Beren) was "crazy", and joking that I was the "desired single person" LOL. Then he said that if anything ever happened to me he would turn bad and stop at nothing until he found me and made sure I was OK. Then he wanted to pay for my taxi home, which I absolutely refused. I took the bus as usual. Yet, because he still calls me "friend" (when he isn't calling me "princess" or "beautiful" LOL), I still have some silly doubts as to whether he really likes me (because I know he loves me, as a friend at least, if nothing more). But of course he does, right? I mean, the lingering hugs, the way-more-than-necessary pecks on the cheek, that photo of him kissing me, so many gifts, helping me find a room, showing me off to his boss and business competitors... Or am I reading too much into this? Because before I had any interest in him except as a friend I would have done all this for him. (Well, not the hugging and kissing. That goes without saying, I hope.) He was very badly off indeed...alone, sick, caring for his little brother and not a cent in the world even to eat. So I did help him out, and had I been allowed by my parents to do more I would have unhesitatingly helped him find a place to live and introduced him to my other friends. But I wouldn't spend all day calling him "handsome" or "beautiful", LOL. Thoughts??? Link to comment
FlashEng1 Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 I'm so confused by things going on, thankfully my thoughts remain the same. Not sure how you're confused either.. you didn't want him to think you were "hitting on him" by grabbing his hands? [ATTACH=CONFIG]10974[/ATTACH] Either you guys are attracted to one another, and are moving forward IN that direction, or you're not. But whatever insecurities or "what if's" or "I'm not sure if"s that are going through your head, need to QUICKLY be taken care of.. You're talking about buying places for one another. It's time you get passed these initial fears or concerns one way or another, otherwise things are just going backwards. On top of getting a place, I don't know too many "Friends" who buy phone cases with hearts and "I love you" on them, nor writes on their hands "I love you" and little pictures of them. On top of that, how are you feeling so comfortable hearing I Love You when you guys haven't passed the I Like You stages yet?!? I'm so confused by everything, with all due respect how old are you again? I agree with Grandma (differently) in that this guy is running game, manipulating you.. but then again for what? I also haven't seen anything happen between the two of you that shows where he would be anyway, it's just a feeling I'm getting. So again: Just Be Careful. Link to comment
Iggy5129 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 All talk, no action. Let me know when he stops pushing your date back and you actually go.... Link to comment
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