Taking things slow or not that attracted to me?

[missy1114]

I've been seeing this guy since October last year and been on about 14-16 dates with him. Most of which have been in public. He kissed me for the first time on our third date, then for most of the dates he only gives me pecks on the cheek or lips when we say good-bye. I'm usually the one to initiate holding hands when we're in public. Around the 2 month mark, we started making out one time at his place and he was touching my waist and letting me rest on his chest. When we're in the movie, he doesn't try to make any move at all, and I had to initiate holding hand with him. He was receptive to all of it. At first I thought it's because he's shy of PDA but I find that usually we ride together in the car to go on dates and when he drops me off, he could have tried to kiss me longer, but he didn't. We haven't had sex yet because he hasn't tried to.

Based on his dating history, I can tell that he's not that experienced since he has never been in a LTR. However, he said he's slept with the girls he has dated so he's sexually experienced.

[DoF]

No, it's called being smart. Holding off on intimacy is important until you know the person really well and are in a relationship with them (exclusive). All of this takes time. Early intimacy makes you miss clear red flags, makes you blind and lose focus etc.

 

I guess the big question is, why are you in such hurry? Why haven't YOU tried if you want it so bad?

[tallydoo]

Have you talked to him about it? You've posted a lot of threads wondering if this guy is into you, but really he's the only one that can answer that.

 

And from my experience, generally guys make it very very clear when they're into you, regardless of shyness or experience.

[missmarple]

No, it's called being smart. Holding off on intimacy is important until you know the person really well and are in a relationship with them (exclusive).

 

Holding hands or kissing someone you've been dating for 3 months can hardly be called 'intimacy'.

 

OP, he's not that into you.

[Movingforward3]

I disagree. How old are you both? Sounds like he isn't that confident. When I was a younger man I wouldn't have made the first move, now if I get a shot I take and I will plant a big kiss on you! What's his religious and background growing up?

[IAmFCA]

My vote is he is definitely into you, or else he wouldn't bother hanging out with you. Its been only three months or so. Let it be, trust that he likes you, and so long as you continue to enjoy his company, keep going out.

 

I dated someone who was nearly 60 who waits 6 months before having sex, and in fact, waited that long after his prior gf before he began to date me seriously. He ended up considering me for marriage (though I ended it). Moving slowly is not necessarily an expression of age, interest, or low libido. It may be an expression of self-control, values, and/or the esteem someone holds for you.

 

Moving slow may also be a way for someone to protect themselves from becoming emotionally vulnerable too quickly, before they have a sense that the rs will last.

 

So long as you enjoy dating him, you don't need to know the answer.

[tallydoo]

Is this the same guy who wanted a casual relationship to begin with? If so, he might be into you but not have changed his mind about getting into a relationship, so he's put on the brakes to manage your expectations.

[Clinton]

Ask him. Because no one but him knows. We're just guessing. So have a talk with him and discuss the direction the relationships headed.

[j.man]

Don't talk to him. Don't ask him. If you want to go beyond a smooch then grab the reins. As IThinkICan said, he wouldn't keep going on dates with you for three months if he weren't into you. He could be shy or maybe you're not as good as giving receptive signals as you think you are. Nothing's stopping you from making a move.