Ex Girlfriend keeps finding excuses to catch up in person...Advice!!

[theREALdusman]

Hey guys,

My ex girlfriend broke up with me in September 2015, we've texted here and there since and even caught up a couple of times. But a few weeks ago we caught up again and i basically told her face to face: "hey look im happy we're communicating and stuff, but i dnt wanna be just friends, i want more than that, and unless you want to talk about us getting back together, we probably shouldn't see each other for now".....it was a much longer version in person but i said wat i needed to say.

 

My feelings haven't changed, i want her back but its a two way street and she cant have it both ways you kno..

 

Anyway, she keeps finding an excuse to meet up with me in person or she'll eventually send me a txt if im not contacting her and was wondering if anyone else is experiencing this and wat to do about it if you still want them back, which i do.

 

Thanks guys!

[ThatwasThen]

You told her your boundaries which is great. The problem now is that you're not enforcing them. Why are you continuing to do exactly what you told her you wouldn't be doing?

 

Next time she texts you don't actually respond to the text but do text her back and ask her "does this text mean you are wanting to get back together? I wonder because as I've said, I don't want to keep in contact unless its as your boyfriend."

 

BTW: That's a great boundary and like you say... She doesn't get to have it both ways... that's just stagnating your healing.

[Hollyj]

She is disrespecting your feelings. By responding, you are helping her move on faster, and keeping you in a place of stuck.

 

You're showing her, you do not mean what you say, by responding.

 

Time for NC

[DancingFool]

You told her how you feel and you got your answer - she is not looking to get back together. However, she will string you along if you let with the texts and phone calls.

 

Time to cut that off too so that you can move on for good instead of clinging to hope.

[Hollyj]

Didn't she tell you that she no longer loves you or sees a future? I read your original post.

[theREALdusman]

You're right, i need to stand by what i said. It's just that i read some stuff that said you should keep communication lines open which can help rebuild things. Is that true?

[Hollyj]

You're right, i need to stand by what i said. It's just that i read some stuff that said you should keep communication lines open which can help rebuild things. Is that true?

 

No. It is the opposite. You are actually helping her to transition to another.

 

OP, she told you she doesn't love you anymore, do not reward her with your kindness and support.

 

Plus, this is hurtful for you.

[ThatwasThen]

No. If you are still in the relationship then keeping communication lines open is crucial. If she's broken up with you and after you've told her your boundaries and she still is so freaking disrespectful to try and keep you engaged while not wanting to reconcile then you are best to go zero contact so that you can get yourself over her. What you're doing now is just keeping you mired in hope and making yourself her emotional tampon.

 

She chose to leave you, you told her what you wanted and she's not giving it to you so do what you should do to get over her. Stop hoping. Either she wants to be with you all the way or you need to be out all the way.

[Tom1990]

You could text her ten times a day telling her how much you miss her and how you believe you have a future and you'll never love again and you're willing to do anything to win back her heart. Three or four days of this, and she'll never speak to you again.

[HeartGoesOn]

As long as you participate and leave the lines of communication open, you're sending the message that you don't mean what you say, and she can toy with your feelings as she pleases.

 

Keep in mind that, we teach people how to treat us. Choose wisely...