My thoughts on attempting to reconcile

[hazel125]

Okay so I thought I'd just give my two cents on people who are thinking of reconciling with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend. (Just my thoughts! Does not mean I'm correct in ANY way)

 

Well first things first, every situation and every breakup is different. So don't ever compare your situation to someone else's situation. I'll cover the my do's and dont's after a breakup.

 

Dont's - beg, say your going to change, blow up their phone with text messages or calls, Try to manipulate them or blackmail them.

 

Do's - apologize and accept the break up, walk away, cut off communication for awhile, give them space and time, give yourself space and time.

 

The number one thing to do if you ever want to reconcile with an ex is to MOVE ON and LET THEM GO. You have to reach the point where you can be happy without them in your life anymore. The reason for this is because once you reach this point and all your emotions are in check, you can then reflect back on the relationship and pin point exactly what went wrong, also at this point you might realize you don't even want to be back in a relationship with your ex.

Now comes the serious part, let's say you have done no contact correctly and a good amount of time has passed(atleast 4-6 months. Just my opinion) and you have actually took this time to work on YOURSELF and not sit around waiting for your ex to call or text you(Hopefully after this amount of time they have tried to reach out) but let's say they never reached out and you still want to reach out. You should ask yourself a few questions first

1. Are my emotions in check?

2. Am I over my ex?

3. Can I handle rejection?

4. Can I handle no response?

 

If your able to answer all these questions positively and can send a text or call without expecting anything from it, then go for it!

Let's say they contact you back and everything goes well and you guys plan to meet up. Do not drag this out, make sure to be confident, strong and happy with yourself. Do not ever bring up the past, remember this is a new start for both of you and you need to look at this like it's someone you just met for the first time. If they choose to bring up the past, don't talk about it for too long, because you should only really be talking about the past if you guys agree to give it another shot.

Okay so you've reached this point, you've had a few dates and both of you have decided to give it another shot. WOAH! It's the moment you've wanted. Before you guys jump into this, there are a few things you need to think about before you jump into it.

 

1. Resentment. Are you going to be able to forget about the past and forget that they dumped you once before? Of course you have the right to be cautious which is exactly why you need to take things slow.

 

2. What happened in between. You have to understand when you guys were split up, they were officially single and we're able to do whatever they want. Will you be able to look past that?

 

3. New relationship. You have to understand that this is in fact a new relationship and a new start. Your old relationship is dead and you should not rush into anything and act like nothing has happened

 

4. Communication is KEY in every single relationship and without it, you'll fail. So if you or them ever have anything to talk about, you need to be able to express your feelings to them and not hold anything in.

 

5. Change & improvement. Have you guys both talked about what needs to be different this time around? What caused your past relationship to end? Are you able to commit to these new changes and actually work together in the relationship?

 

6. Trust is another key in a relationship and without it, just like communication, you'll end up failing once again. Your going to have to learn to trust each other again. Are you prepared to do that?

 

I'm a strong believer in second chances. I've watched plenty of couples and my family members in my life go through a breakup and end up back together and now are happy and married, but it wasn't easy. They had to work through problems just like any relationship has. Alot of people are going to give you the same line "exes are exes for a reason" because most of them didn't have success when going back to an ex or they just simply don't think you should. Don't hate other people's opinion because remember it's just an opinion and it's your life, which means you can choose to do whatever you want in the end. You might end up having a successful reconciliation and you might end up hurt again, but what's life without any risks?

 

The most important part I think of the reconciliation process in my opinion is the first step, moving on. If you haven't moved on and your still constantly thinking about your ex and putting then on a pedestal your bound to fail because you haven't worked on your life and improved on anything. Life is too short to wait around for someone who might not want to give it a second chance. This is exactly why people on these forums are going to tell you to go NC and move on and work on yourself. You might not want to hear this advice but trust me, they're doing it to help you out in the end. The longer you hang on to your ex and not finally let them go, the more pain you are causing yourself in the end.

 

So LET GO! Right now, in this moment LET GO. Trust me, if you had a long and good relationship, they won't forget you! But if you keep bugging them, it will allow them to move on quicker. Always remember NC isn't a tool used to get your ex back, it's a tool to help get yourself back! Go out, have fun, read books, start writing, join a club, help your community, work out, eat healthier. There's a TON of things in this world You can do right now, so stop dwelling on the past and create a better future for yourself! In the end you might not even want your ex, you may even find another partner but you'll never find out until you LET GO & MOVE ON.

 

 

(Just my thoughts, once again this doesn't mean I'm correct at all and I'm sure other people have different opinions!)

[mhowe]

Well said and very accurate. Applause.

[hazel125]

Well said and very accurate. Applause.

 

thanks! I appreciate it!

[DJ12]

I think your advice is spot on kind of struggling at the moment if you see my thread was doing well with the NC however they phoned and messaged at the weekend I ignored the calls but stupidly sent a message back after the said sorry for calling.. feel as if ive went back to square one...

[dustyrain]

Sensible and sound advice

[kinshinchi]

I did some of don't and do, hope she will rethink about me for this break up

[KMNance22]

Just what I needed to hear thank you so much!!

[dave_1966]

Does anybody know the stats for reconciliation? How many couples get back together, and what percentage are successful in staying together? I read somewhere that only 1% of relationships reconciliate. I also believe that 75% of break-up/divorces are initiated by the female. It would be interesting to know the true figures.

[hazel125]

Does anybody know the stats for reconciliation? How many couples get back together, and what percentage are successful in staying together? I read somewhere that only 1% of relationships reconciliate. I also believe that 75% of break-up/divorces are initiated by the female. It would be interesting to know the true figures.

 

There's not stats on reconciliation and if you ever hear anybody giving stats you shouldn't listen. Remember everybody's situation is different so it's hard to pinpoint a stat or chances of it happening. The most important thing is that you try and move on and become happy on your own two feet. Life is too short to wait for anybody, you never know what's waiting around the corner for you. It may be your ex or it may be someone else. The important thing to do is to learn from your past relationship and move on, that way your next relationship is an improvement.

[hazel125]

I think your advice is spot on kind of struggling at the moment if you see my thread was doing well with the NC however they phoned and messaged at the weekend I ignored the calls but stupidly sent a message back after the said sorry for calling.. feel as if ive went back to square one...

 

Yeah its tough to do, I went through it for over a month with my ex whom I'm currently working things out with now. Although I didn't have the amount of time away from the breakup like I've suggested here, I have told her that I don't want to make things official until I finish my last semester this year.

[hazel125]

I did some of don't and do, hope she will rethink about me for this break up

 

If you guys loved eachother she won't forget you man. Just remember you can't sit around waiting for anybody, go out and improve yourself and become a more strong, independent and confident person and maybe your ex will take notice. Just remember your doing all this improvement for yourself and nobody else.

[dave_1966]

There's not stats on reconciliation and if you ever hear anybody giving stats you shouldn't listen. Remember everybody's situation is different so it's hard to pinpoint a stat or chances of it happening. The most important thing is that you try and move on and become happy on your own two feet. Life is too short to wait for anybody, you never know what's waiting around the corner for you. It may be your ex or it may be someone else. The important thing to do is to learn from your past relationship and move on, that way your next relationship is an improvement.

 

Of course there'll be stats on reconciliation, that's ridiculous. It'll be about 1%. Anybody have accurate figures to hand? I know they're minimal.

[hazel125]

Of course there'll be stats on reconciliation, that's ridiculous. It'll be about 1%. Anybody have accurate figures to hand? I know they're minimal.

 

There may be stats on marriage reconciliation but on relationships before marriage? Highly doubt it. Who keeps stats on relationships? It's not like you breakup and someone keeps track of it all. People break up and get back together all the time. In fact I bet if you go and ask a few married couples if they've been split up in the past, you'll find out that alot of them have been.

You may think there's a state for reconciliation but really there's not. Every single relationship is different, no one person is the same, so how could you possibly put a stat on it?

[DJ12]

mistake thread