How do I say I'm sorry...

[Rust]

Well my first post... Where do I start.

Alright I had been friend's with a girl for a year and 6 months then progressed into relationship for 4 months, then family stuff happened and I had to leave town to support them. We said we would stay friends but I done NC just to give us both time to cool down a little (She made no effort to contact me during this time). Now she won't answer any of my messages or phone calls deleted her Facebook.. I think I've hurt her and all I want to do is contact her to say sorry for that... is it right for me to do so? I know what I'm going to say but..

[DoF]

You can't take breaks/pause from relationships. Sorry.

 

And no, you can't be friends with your Ex or a person you "pause" with.

 

You need to meet her in person and apologize. Expect nothing. Personally I wouldn't take you back. You told her with your actions "when there is crisis I will bail". BAD BAD sign and a huge red flag.

 

Best thing you can do after that is learn from it.

[Rust]

I will apologize in person because it's the right thing to do. I don't care if she never takes me back as long she's happy and healthy in her life. I left for many more reasons it was not just one family crises at once (my dad couldn't work illness , my brother had stomach ulser couldn't work, my grandmother died loss of income) So I moved to help them get back on their feet but it was wrong move and I lost her because of timing..

[dave_1966]

Uhh, you could have told this girl what was happening with your family and kept in touch? What are you not telling us here? If I was her you'd never get anywhere near enough to me to say sorry because you'd be totally blocked. You bailed on her, what answers are you expecting here exactly???

[Rust]

I told her all this I.. Dam I seem like an @## now I seeing it through others eyes.... I got my answer I'll apologize and say goodbye to her.... I'm not worth her time...

[Rust]

for hurting her and I won't blame her if she never wants to see me again. but I will apologize to her in person but I doubt she will want to see me for being a special kind of "profanity"....

[ParisPaulette]

But did you tell her what was happening and why you left? Or did you just ghost on her and disappear? I'm confused.

[Rust]

I told her why I was leaving. She said "I can't do this" and shut the door in my face....

[Tom1990]

Oh wow, she wouldn't let you go be with your family during a moment of crisis? Unless there's more to it, she sounds like a control freak to me. She did you a favor.

[dion333]

Well my first post... Where do I start.

Alright I had been friend's with a girl for a year and 6 months then progressed into relationship for 4 months, then family stuff happened and I had to leave town to support them. We said we would stay friends but I done NC just to give us both time to cool down a little (She made no effort to contact me during this time). Now she won't answer any of my messages or phone calls deleted her Facebook.. I think I've hurt her and all I want to do is contact her to say sorry for that... is it right for me to do so? I know what I'm going to say but..

 

If you did NC without talking to her about first, then of course she will be hurt. It's quite inconsiderate and cold. I'm sure you had your reasons, but that's how it can come across. I guess you will have to find a way to contact her and apologies.It will be hard for her to trust you now.. Weather it can be healed again, is another matter.

[Rust]

Ok.... I guess I can only try as the only regrets we have in life are from when we don't try.

[dion333]

Ok.... I guess I can only try as the only regrets we have in life are from when we don't try.

 

Yes, go for it if you truly mean it and have learnt from past mistake.

[Rust]

It was more then a mistake it was.... a terrible thing to do to another person and worse to do it to someone I care about.. I have learned from my mistake and do not wish to put anyone I care for through this again...

[dion333]

It was more then a mistake it was.... a terrible thing to do to another person and worse to do it to someone I care about.. I have learned from my mistake and do not wish to put anyone I care for through this again...

 

Yes. It was horrible, but you are only human and if you want to repent and try and heal what happened , then you have the right to do that. Things can be fixed. Of course that is up to her and if she can forgive you. It may take her a long time. Hope it works out.

[Rust]

Thanks, but she probably won't forgive me. I believe things can be fixed but it is up to her as you said and if it's a no then well.. there's little i can do. I've booked a ticket two weeks from now to try (only one I could get on short notice )

[dion333]

Thanks, but she probably won't forgive me. I believe things can be fixed but it is up to her as you said and if it's a no then well.. there's little i can do. I've booked a ticket two weeks from now to try (only one I could get on short notice )

 

Good luck. Let me knows how it goes via PM if you want.

[ParisPaulette]

I told her why I was leaving. She said "I can't do this" and shut the door in my face....

 

Wait, what? I'm sorry, but no. You do NOT need to apologize to her, it's the other way around. You didn't ghost on her, you didn't just disappear. You told her there was a family crisis you needed to handle and she shut the door in your face after telling you she couldn't "do this." I'm sorry, but that's pure madness on her part and more than a bit of a d**k move. She wasn't the one who had the crisis, you did. "Can't do this" indeed, huh. So you should've just stayed and told your family to suck it up, because your girlfriend would get mad if you went to them????

 

Yeah, I don't think so. That's actually not okay that she did that. Please reassess this whole thing. A good, sane person does not shut you down then make you think it's your fault, simply because your family needs you and you have to go to them.

 

Speechless that someone, not you, her, would be that cold.

 

I'm sorry, but you dodged a bullet if this is what happened. You did the right thing, you helped your family. You did give her a heads up about it. You are not the problem here and if she's hurt by that then she has serious problems. Please stop beating yourself up and consider this was a clear red flag that something is wrong...with her.

[Seymore]

I told her why I was leaving. She said "I can't do this" and shut the door in my face....

 

Quick note (and welcome to ENA, by the way)...when you post here you need to include details like this in the first place. We have a few members here who like to make negative knee jerk comments and attack people off of their own flimsy assumptions. This place isn't exactly what it used to be anymore.

[Rust]

Wait, what? I'm sorry, but no. You do NOT need to apologize to her, it's the other way around. You didn't ghost on her, you didn't just disappear. You told her there was a family crisis you needed to handle and she shut the door in your face after telling you she couldn't "do this." I'm sorry, but that's pure madness on her part and more than a bit of a d**k move. She wasn't the one who had the crisis, you did. "Can't do this" indeed, huh. So you should've just stayed and told your family to suck it up, because your girlfriend would get mad if you went to them????

 

Yeah, I don't think so. That's actually not okay that she did that. Please reassess this whole thing. A good, sane person does not shut you down then make you think it's your fault, simply because your family needs you and you have to go to them.

 

Speechless that someone, not you, her, would be that cold.

 

I'm sorry, but you dodged a bullet if this is what happened. You did the right thing, you helped your family. You did give her a heads up about it. You are not the problem here and if she's hurt by that then she has serious problems. Please stop beating yourself up and consider this was a clear red flag that something is wrong...with her.

 

I guess I was to close to the situation to see it that way, but I do see it now I guess it was just me trying to hold on to something. She extended the let's be friends today by text as if I am not worth even ringing or seeing, This was her way of trying to feel better or something. I Haven't deiced if to be friends but I'm leaning towards "Go suck a lemon".

[Rust]

Quick note (and welcome to ENA, by the way)...when you post here you need to include details like this in the first place. We have a few members here who like to make negative knee jerk comments and attack people off of their own flimsy assumptions. This place isn't exactly what it used to be anymore.

 

Will Next time, Thanks for the heads up about some people here, I guess more facts of the situation will always help. But you are only getting my side which is flawed because it is from my perspective but I always try to keep to the facts of the situation and nothing more.

[ParisPaulette]

I Haven't deiced if to be friends but I'm leaning towards "Go suck a lemon".

 

Hahaha, it's tempting isn't it? To send something like that, but my advice is don't. The sting of eternal silence says it all far better and you get to walk away with no more drama.

 

And no, you do not need friends like that, enemies are probably better for you. At least you KNOW where you stand with an enemy. I'm sorry, but I agree, a lousy text "let's be friends" after she throws a snit over your family crisis? Puh-leeaazzze!

 

No, you do not need that in your life. I'm sorry, but again that is one of the most cold-blooded things I've ever heard anyone do. When my husband got word that a distant relative had gotten hurt and he had to leave town know what I did? I threw my mother in the car with him, got my oldest son to watch our ranch, and drove hubs straight on for 12 hours to reach the hospital his relative was at. He was in shock, I knew he couldn't do it by himself, and I wasn't about to let him do so. When a good friend of mine was nearly killed in a carjacking my husband handled everything and drove me to the hospital in the middle of the night.

 

There were no "I can't do this," only "I am here for you whatever and however you need me to be."

 

That's the type of partner you want by your side. Truly I don't get it. You weren't even permanently moving back, right? Just going out of town to help a family member. Do you know how high that puts your value in the eyes of most women? I'm pretty sure more than one lady on here would be more than happy to call you hers. Remember that.

 

Never stop caring about your family and never stop until you find a woman who loves that about you. Keep going forward, you're totally fine just the way you are.

[ParisPaulette]

And I think initially people thought you had just disappeared on the girl, because that's your initial impression. I think probably because that's how she made you feel. But it turns out that wasn't the case and I had a feeling, so I asked. Clarifying matters always helps and often times in the middle of heartbreak it's all too easy to assume you're the bad guy when you aren't.

 

Anyways welcome to ENA. True some of the advice on here is harsh, I've even been harsh before. But we all do care or we wouldn't bother answering a total stranger on the Internet when they need help or want advice or sometimes just want to vent.

 

P.S. Venting helps a ton sometimes. Just my two cents for the day to everyone out there.