My mother no longer loves me. Please help!

[Beccy]

First off, this is not your typical teenage rant. I don't hate my mother. I love her to pieces, and what has been happening has me confused and hurt. I'm wondering if maybe this is my fault, because she says she hasn't changed and that it is I who has become rude, insubordinate, irresponsible, bitter, selfish and unpleasant to be around (her words, not mine). I truly do want things to go back to the way they were between us, and if there's anything that I realize that I am doing wrong or can do to fix this relationship, I will, in a heartbeat. But I'm also fed up.

 

My mother was always the ideal, overprotective Christian mother. I never got along well with my father, and we had some pretty big blow-ups from the time I was very young; on rare occasions he would get so angry that he'd drag me under the cold shower or beat me until my entire back was purple. My mother would hit me, too, when I threw fits; but that was different; even though at the time it made me angry and want to fight back, in the back of my mind I always knew that I was in the wrong, and I knew that Mom hit me to help me remember that what I did was wrong. She did it in a loving way, while my father was always like a bully ("You'll do what I tell you to do when I tell you to do it, little girl, or else!") I never feared that he'd actually do me some serious harm, but I would be sore and stiff for days afterward, and Mother would say he was wrong to react like that but it was my fault for provoking him and maybe I'd learn better the next time. And, even though outwardly I was still angry and rebellious, in the back of my mind I always knew she was right.

 

My father would tell me that when I turned 18 he'd kick me out of the house. My mother would always reassure me that she wouldn't let him. She told me he was wrong to be so harsh, but that I was lucky to have such a father who was not a drunkard, was not violent and was a good provider; and she always made me respect him even when I complained that he was always working or playing XBox and never wanted to spend any time with me, and that he thought everything I liked was stupid and pointless. I'd complain that he took away my things and never gave them back, even going so far as to say that he only gave me things so he could take them away later. Mother never let me complain, but she always understood, and she was always there for me with good advice and support. She used to take me everywhere. She couldn't drive, and she homeschooled me, so I didn't really have any friends my own age; but I learned to hang out with adults, and I got a great work ethic from my mom. She would spend hours each day, even relearning school material so she could teach me, and thanks to her, I've always been the top of my class, ever since entering school for the first time at 15.

 

My younger sisters were born later, and that's when the trouble started. One was born when I was 7, the other when I was 9. I would get jealous of all the attention they received and the special favors they got that I'd never been offered (for example, I begged my mom for a smartphone since I was 9 and was always told I didn't need to have any phone and be wasting time. My parents never let me use too much technology like computers, phones, TV, etc. because they said it would fry my brain and I should be doing intelligent things like read, draw, etc.; but my youngest sister is now 9 and she has had her phone for over a year, after asking only a couple of times; she supposedly homeschools but in reality does almost nothing all day long and my mother will let her be playing on her phone unless she's in a bad mood. However, I can't be just a while on the phone that I BOUGHT because she'll tell me to stop wasting time and threaten to take it away.)

 

I used to argue a lot with my sisters (rarely got physical, because if I had, guess who dies! X_x ) and my mother said it wasn't normal for me to argue with them because of the age difference, she even threatened to send me to an insane asylum. My father makes EVERYTHING be about them...some of you may have seen my thread on my best friend Beren...I can't even mention that I'm worried about Beren because he will say he doesn't want to hear anything about my friends until I speak of my sisters in the same way! Yet I hardly even see them, much less fight with them, any more...I get home exhausted after working from 7AM to 3:30PM and then walking dogs until 9:30 which is supposedly past their bedtime, although they're usually still up. My parents both say I bully and hurt them, and in front of them my sisters annoy me to no end and they don't usually do anything, but God forbid if I speak to them in a sharp tone of voice...yet when we are alone they are sympathetic and sweet enough. And no doubt they are kids, and yes they will take advantage of my parents' attitude...but I do wish they'd stop. I don't fight with them anymore because I hardly see them, but yes, I should be able to get annoyed at them safely...I think?

 

Because of this, my dad and I began to fight more. I've mostly lost my fear of him, so now I do get stiff-necked with some of the things he says; and I've only recently been learning to keep my mouth shut while he rails at me. And my mom was always annoyed at me for not bowing unquestioningly to my father, but she was always still supportive and showed that she cared. And I could always speak to her about boy problems, even though she's never wanted me to have a bf, even to go out with male friends, because she knows I'm not boy crazy. She was always supportive, always loving.

 

Until now.

 

She and my dad have become impossible. First it started with my school...because we moved, I fell behind schedule, although I'm still a top student (thanks to Mom, of which she ceaselessly reminds me; though I assure her I know that she taught me to learn and that I'm grateful to her for it). Now...first my father, and now my mother, too, keep telling me how lazy and irresponsible I am, and that I should be in university already, despite the fact that I've been struggling to enroll in a school with cheap tuition (because Father refuses to pay for my education, claiming I'm of age and no longer his responsibility) while working all day. They both complain that I am irresponsible, annoying, unpleasant to have around, rebellious, immature, etc. when outside people all say the opposite. If I point this out, they'll laugh derisively and say, "But they don't have to bear you all day long like we do." I'm out all day trying to earn money; if I stay home, they complain they don't want me at home being lazy, but if I go out, then they complain that I'm out all day long and don't do work around the house (which I do! Not much, grant you, but I do clean the kitchen and on occasion make breakfast for everyone). They threaten me all the time and while I sometimes can't help snapping back, I comply, because I've been conditioned to obey my whole life. It's almost as if some other will grabs my own and forces me to do whatever they're ordering me to do, even while my mind is rebelling and I'm kicking myself for complying to a ridiculous order.

 

Mind, I don't consider "take out the trash" or "wash the dishes" or "mop the floor" or "make your dad a sandwich" a ridiculous order. But I do think "you can't stay in the house while we're out" or "you can't go upstairs, you've got no business there" are pushing it.

 

They go out together to eat and will not take me with them, because I'm an "embarrassment" and "unpleasant to be with", but they won't let me stay in my room curled up with a book. They'll kick me out of the house, rain or shine, and take the keys with them because they 'can't trust me in the house alone', because I 'eat everything I'm not supposed to'...yet in fact I eat less than I should, because I work all day and don't have time to eat breakfast so all I eat all day is a sandwich or yogurt and my dinner at night.

 

They don't let me go upstairs, where my clothes are, in my own house! Because it's their house and they paid for it. My sisters can go anywhere except their room, but I am pinned to the downstairs floor. I can't even go get a book without my mother yelling at me to hurry up and come down because I'm not allowed upstairs.

 

My mother has now joined my father in constantly saying they don't want me home and threatening to throw me out at the slightest sign of unhappiness on my part. They tell my sisters I'm "bitter" and to "stay away from her because she will be mean to you". They whine about my "ingratitude" and "rebelliousness" to their friends and family. I tell them it's hurtful and to please not do that and they will say "oh you're so dramatic, you're the one who hurts us with your behavior, shut up and stop being stupid."

 

I love to sing, it helps keep me sane and I've been told my voice isn't bad. However, my parents forbid me to sing in their presence, insisting that they don't want to listen to me, that singing is disrespectful and I shouldn't force it on them. I should add that I don't listen to heavy metal, rock or anything with cursing/strong language in it; I like European pop music and ballads; yet they never let me sing. My sisters, though, can hum and sing annoying songs like the Goo Song for quite a while before being told to shut up. I'm told that this is because they haven't driven my parents crazy with singing as I have.

 

My parents kicked me out of my room and to the hottest place in the house, the servants' room, so that I would "learn what it will be like when you are living in Romania" (my dream); they refuse to pay for most of what I need...education, doctor's bills, shampoo, etc. Mind, I'm not ungrateful for what they do for me, but it gets tiring hearing all they do/have done for me and how ungrateful I've been. My salary is rock bottom and they want me to give them 35% of all I earn, on top of what I have to buy for myself; which I wouldn't mind, I'd be glad to share if they didn't demand it in the way they do. My father is saying if I don't pay him three thousand pesos for a surgery I had months ago by tomorrow he'll kick me out of the house.

 

According to my mom, she moved me to the room so that I would have a space of my own to keep clean. Yeah, right.

 

My sisters can barge in whenever they want. I can't so much as hang up a picture on the wall without her express approval, which she never gives anyway. I have a ceramic decoration given to me by a friend whose brother brought it from Romania; I'm dying to hang it up but she won't let me. I want my 10-liter hospital fish tank in my room, she won't let me keep it there even though she rarely comes in and wouldn't see it.

 

I can't lock my room door or not let my sisters in if they want to come in.

 

Mind you, this problem is with my parents, not with them. Generally speaking, they are nice enough about that unless they're in one of their annoying teasing moods. But it's my parents' attitude that bothers me.

 

When my friend Beren needed help, my parents (and I) gave him money and food, helped him find a job, etc. I did it because he was a human being and needed help, and later because he was my friend. My father, though...I got the feeling he did it for leverage over me, since if I did anything he didn't like, he'd threaten to stop helping Beren.

 

I bought a fish tank...with my own money, mind...to try to raise a little and keep myself sane by breeding fish. My mom didn't want me to have the cell phone, but she couldn't take it because I bought it; however, she used the fish tank to take it away. ("I won't allow that thing in my house unless you give me the phone until you're in school") Anytime I do something they don't like, they threaten to throw away my tank, not caring that I take care of it and they haven't paid a penny for it. My mother says that now she'll kick me out of the house if I don't get rid of my smaller hospital tank, in which I am trying to heal two of my male fish who have fin rot.

 

We had a dog, up until yesterday. A Chihuahua. We got her last year after my other doggy died in my arms and we picked her because she was so similar to the one that died. When we got her, I paid part of the adoption fee and my mother paid the rest with household ítems she no longer needed. I told her I didn't want the money, but she forced me to take it back "so that it will be my dog and I can decide when to sell it".

 

At first she had Jasmine, the puppy, with her all the time, and would barely even let me and my sisters near. But she gradually got tired of her, as she does of every pet; and so I took over. I'd buy her leashes, her food, her medicines/shots...I trained her to give paw, to walk without pulling, to jump, to lie down, to roll over, to heel. I loved her to bits. And even though I work...my sisters took her out to pee during the day, although they'd gripe about it, and I'd take her out at night to run. My little girl was well known in the residential area where I live as the best-behaved Chihuahua most of the neighbors had ever seen. My mother kept griping about how she'd sometimes pee in the living room and how I never took care of her; but I knew it wasn't true and, as for the peeing, my sisters should have been made to take her out more often. The oldest one is 11... at her age, I cared for my own cat, two birds and a fish tank. I realize they haven't had the sort of intensive "you-better-do-your-chores" training I had, but come on, it's just a five-minute walk! Surely they can put down the Rick Riordan book or get off YouTube long enough to take her...Still, I suppose I can't blame them. My mother just never drove them hard enough for them to learn.

 

Having worked at a pet store, I know how to care for a dog; so I would clip her nails, bathe her, clean her ears, and squeeze her anal glands myself. And I paid for her needs, so my mother's claim that I didn't take care of her is bogus.

 

Yesterday, my mother did something I would NEVER have believed she could do to me. I woke up and went to feed Jasmine, but couldn't find her anywhere. I asked my mother where she was, and she dodged the question three times. Not until my sister also asked did she reply "I told you I was getting rid of her," then repeated her accusation that I did not treat her well and it was her dog and she had every right to sell her, blah, blah, blah.

 

I was furious. I didn't even get to say good-bye! And my sisters hardly cared, they viewed Jasmine as a sort of toy. They only cried a little, but I was devastated. I yelled at my mother "how could you do this to me!?" and ran off to walk other dogs. I still can't process the fact that she GOT RID OF MY DOG without telling me before.

 

Luckily I know who bought her. She lives in another state. But as soon as I can take care of her properly without living in my mother's house, I will go to try to get her back. The lady seems nice enough and she will probably understand. She's a dog breeder and has many dogs...I'm just afraid she'll breed my Jasmine before I can get her back and her smooth pretty baby tummy will be all loose and worst of all, she's a small dog and what if something happens to her?

 

What should I do? Who is right? Am I truly ungrateful and lazy? What can I do to make this better if talking to my parents only elicits a "Stop saying such stupid things, I've heard it all before!"

 

Please help!

[melancholy123]

How old are you? Did you write recently about wanting to move to Romania? I want to know when you are moving out. You are not going to win with your parents and if you ever want to have a life of your own, you need to get out of there. Both of your parents are lousy parents and terribly abusive to you. I'm sorry you are in such a mess but you are going to have to resolve this one yourself by getting out of there. Even if you have to move in the night and not tell anyone where you are going.

[agent1607307371]

This is a dysfunctional set up, and it won't get better. But you're 18, you have a job. Find a roommate and get out of there. Once you are in a situation that isn't like this you will feel immediate relief.

 

I'm sorry your family are like this, but you will waste years of your life waiting for them to be the parents you want, and it will never happen.

[musicman777]

you will waste years of your life waiting for them to be the parents you want, and it will never happen.

 

I agree with this.

[Beccy]

So...it happened. They said we were going to "talk"...took me to the plaza, told me how rude and impossible I am, and dumped me there with a bag of random clothing and some money. They told me not to follow them and even told the residential's security guards not to let me in, said they didn't care about my dog-walking business and if they saw me there they'd call the cops on me.

 

I'm afraid I made a bit of a scene. I ran after their car and begged them not to leave me, and they acted as if I weren't there at all. They warned me not to tell anyone because, they said, if I did I'd only look bad. Some cops saw me though and helped me, because I was, quite frankly, falling apart. They didn't even let me say goodbye to my sisters, who I heard were "altered" because of my absence.

 

And the only person who I feel truly loves me is missing.

 

I'm about to enroll in school in a few days. I am now staying an hour away from my workplace in a place with sketchy public transportation with less than a thousand dollars to my name, and while I'm with a good friend... It's hard, so hard. I truly don't know how to survive on my meagre earnings, much less continue saving for university.

[agent1607307371]

It is hard, but you can't let it crush you. You have somehwere to stay so start looking for a job that pays more/ is closer to where you are living.

 

Also, see if there are any resources for homeless youth in your area.

[Lightattheend1]

Yes.

 

You need to move. Save up money...find a roommate...get out.

[Beccy]

I have two roommates now...The three of us will rent a house together and work hard, closer to all our jobs. I'm so grateful for my friends who took me in as their roomie I'm going to track down my dog and pick up the pieces of my life. I guess I'll do well enough if I can take advantage of my knowledge of English here in Mexico...

[HeartGoesOn]

It appears that quite a bit transpired during that (unless my math is off) period of 9 hours. Hopefully you'll keep us updated...

[Beccy]

Yes, my life has been completely turned upside down, all in the space of a few days... Not meaning to complain, I have a place to stay with nice people and all. But I've never been fully on my own, and truth to tell...I've never really had a lot of luxuries, but it's hard for me not having even my hard cot to sleep on (I sleep on a hammock, which takes some getting used to) and having to shower in freezing cold water at 11PM. There's no Wi-Fi, which means that in order to communicate I have to use my phone credit, and even if I had a computer I couldn't do freelance translation jobs online as I used to.

 

I barely make about $200 a month at my job, and I now have to help pay rent, water, electricity, food, etc. Plus I'm enrolling in school the day after tomorrow...

 

Yesterday I returned to the residential area, to continue my dog walking job (which they knew I desperately need, as I earn more than at my 'real' job, but they ordered the security guards to keep me out...thankfully the neighbors, my customers, let me in, so I can work as long as I don't go near my...no, my parents' house) and to ask them for some things back. I needed my middle-school certificate, my handbag, some clothes, the personal hygiene products I just bought, my blanket as the place where I'm staying is freezing cold at night, my work shoes, school supplies, books, etc. but the security guards were adamant that they couldn't let me near my house. I don't blame them. I know these guys, and they know and like me, but if they had let me in they would have gotten into trouble.

 

So I called my parents' next-door neighbor, who is my mother's friend but who had said she'd help me, and explained the situation. She made me wonder all over again if I wasn't wrong to be angry at my parents, she said she'd seen they were broken up over leaving me and that, as their child, I owe them respect. But I was never outright disrespectful...I broke several rules, okay. But they were rules like "you're not allowed upstairs" or "you can't drink water at 3AM" or "you can't be in the house while we're not here".

 

Anyhow, the neighbor called my mom, who told her I should call her. I tried like five times and she didn't pick up the phone. Half an hour later, she messaged me, "[my name] I can't serve (YES, she said SERVE...as if I were asking a great favor of her! All I wanted was to come by, pick up all I could of my things and tell her that later I will be sending someone over for the rest that I can't take.) you now, wait until I can and I will send you a text. And you need to give me the 3000 that you owe me."

 

When the police saw what happened the day before yesterday they took me back to talk to my parents. They wouldn't let me get my things myself and did not give me all I asked for. My mother wanted to keep my cell phone as payment for the 3000, but my phone is worth more, and I had the receipt for it still, luckily...so she had to give it to me. When I asked for my money box, right there in front of the officers she called me out for not having given her the 3000, and I told her I had taken that money out of the bank to give to her and she should take it. She claimed she no longer cared to take it and gave me the box. Now she's holding my things...my papers...AND MY FISH in ransom...that is, if she hasn't already flushed my poor fish down the toilet. She never has cared for them...and I have some breeders from VERY good lines, so I need to breed them and sell the offspring. She will give them away or kill them even though I bought them, if I don't go soon...And she didn't pay a penny for the tank. It is my pride and joy, and luckily my two housemates are veterinarians and they both have pets so they told me that I can keep my fish and if I can track down my puppy her too.

 

Right now, though, what can I do? I don't want to sue my parents, but I must have my papers today, and I want to secure at least my betta fish before they give them away or worse, if they haven't already. I would've been fired had I come into my job wearing the only pair of shoes I had, black sneakers; but an angel neighbor, one of my newer dog-walking customers, was soooo sweet, she gave me a pair of shoes (for which I fully intend to pay her later) and some food (which I told her not to give me, but she wouldn't listen), then she gave me the pay for 20 walks for her dogs and told me not to worry, that I could work it off whenever I could go. What a sweet, sweet woman! I am afraid I was sobbing like a baby when I left her house yesterday.

 

And luckily I have a lot of work there. I have quite a few customers whose dogs I walk, and there are several people who have asked me to care for their dogs and cats while they go on holiday... Of course, this means that I have to go every day, rain or shine, and rains are monsoon-heavy here, although usually they are somewhat brief and intermittent...but it pays well, and the animals give me so much love it hardly feels like a chore. My customers know me and they trust me, so they will leave their keys to me and I care for their pets while they go out. I can't believe my parents would be so spiteful as to tell me I have to leave my business which has taken me more than a year to build up...and I am so grateful to my customers and neighbors who are willing to tell the guards to let me in despite my parents' order.

 

I'm friends with the administrator...well, not friends friends, but she knows what kind of person I am, and I am wondering if I should ask her to overrule this objection and let me go get my things? I cannot lose another year of school! And I need my papers today, as I will not likely go to the residential area either tomorrow or the day after since I will be working late (have to go pick up my partial certificate tomorrow, so will be late for work, and day after tomorrow I have to enroll).

 

My poor fish, too!

 

What can I do? I have literally nothing except my cell phone, some little clothing, a backpack I just bought, four hair scrunchies/pins/bands, three yogurt-type thingies to drink at work and some vegetables. I don't even have the shampoo, deodorant and soap I just bought, and the perfume my little sister gave me for Christmas...I'm kind of touchy on the subject of cleanliness since my mom has always teased me about the way I smell, even if I took a shower a short while ago she'll be either poking fun or angrily telling me not to get near her/sit on her bed or tell me to go to my room and clean up because I stink. I'm not a dirty person, I shower daily and scrub myself thoroughly, and I cannot smell myself so I do not know if she and my father are telling the truth. Still, I'm quite nervous about this...stupid, I know, but I don't want something else to happen... My mother always told me no one else would bear me the way she did and anyone else would kick me out because I'm 'lazy', 'selfish', 'negative' and 'unpleasant'. I'm extremely scatterbrained, more so with all that's happened; since my mother never let me go out or do anything on my own...I feel like a baby really. I get lost very easily and often don't know what to do or say in any given situation, and I expect my friends find that annoying. Sometimes I'll ask a question and they'll stare at me blankly, like "How do you not know that!?" I'm afraid they'll find me annoying in the same way my parents did, and then I'll really be homeless. I'm just a baby to them, they're in their early to mid 20's and I'm 18...and, to make matters worse, I hardly know how to move around on my own because my mother only recently began allowing me to go out alone, so I'm still learning.

 

And it hurts that my mother no longer cares for me! She used to bug me every five minutes if I was out, wanting to know where I was and if I was safe, and she'd never let me go out alone in the dark. Yesterday, at 7PM so after dark, I was at their house asking for my things back, she never let me near or bothered to answer my calls and didn't message me until half an hour later, only to say I couldn't have my things back until she could 'serve' me and unless I paid her for the surgery. I subsequently got lost, wandering about for two hours in a very dark, dangerous area of town...she never cared to message me. Not a single "I miss you", "where are you?", "are you safe?", "are you okay?"...nothing! She doesn't even know where I am staying, nor, I'm sure, does she care.

 

Another friend tells me I should not worry about my things and fish, get a copy of my certificate elsewhere and just try to talk to them so they'll let me back into my house. I KNOW I'm not yet ready to live on my own, I KNOW I'm still too dumb and inexperienced...but I don't want to go back. I have this idea that that's exactly what my father wants me to do--beg. I have a nagging suspicion that my father is controlling my mother, because I know she's afraid of not being able to support herself and her children if he leaves her, and perhaps that's why she complied so easily to his throwing me out. Maybe he's trying to make me feel the same way, that he's indispensable to me? Just thinking about it makes my blood boil. I know they separated once before and Mom suffered greatly because our aunt, uncle and cousins mistreated us, but she left because he physically pushed her up against the wall and threw her to the floor after an argument.

 

I've never seen him hurt her otherwise, nor me aside from those spankings that I mentioned...but the possibility is there. I miss the comforts, safety and security of home, but I am absolutely dead set against this man. I struggle against my dark feelings, but I hate him and want nothing more to do with him. I just want my things and then as far as I'm concerned I'll be happy if I never see him again. My mom and sisters, though...even if they are now his accomplices, willing or no, they were not always so, and I will always love and honor them for what they were.

 

Ugh.

[agent1607307371]

Your friend is right about getting the certificate from another place - see if your school can get you one. Do not contact these people again. You want to see them, it's natural but look how they've put you out like an animal.

 

Have you looked for resources for homeless youth or children of abusive families where you are?

[Beccy]

Your friend is right about getting the certificate from another place - see if your school can get you one. Do not contact these people again.

My school cannot get me one. I just had a whole problem asking my grandpa to take it with him back to Mexico City and get the date stamped on it...getting a new one would be imposible for me as I would have to fly there in person. And I need my other things, most of which I bought...the house where I live now is really cold despite being in the rainforest, and I need my blankets and warm clothes...many of which, by the way, I just bought and spent a good deal on too even though I got the cheapest ones.

 

And I also need and want my fish...not only do I have some very good breeding lines I plan to breed for cash, but they are my friends and my father will not trouble to give them away. He'll just flush them and trash my tank.

 

You want to see them, it's natural but look how they've put you out like an animal.

No, I don't...not my father. And my mother didn't use to be like this, at all. I think he's somehow threatening or controlling her. I can't just forget all that she did for me before, when she truly loved me.

 

Have you looked for resources for homeless youth or children of abusive families where you are?

Oh, but I'm not homeless! I'm sharing a house with some friends, we will move next week and rent a place together. And my boss at work found out through a co-worker friend of mine and she even offered to put me up rent free, though of course I couldn't say yes to that. Several of my dog walking customers have offered to let me stay with them, at least temporarily.

 

I'll be fine. But saving for my dream of studying in Europe...if that was difficult before...I don't know how I'm going to do it now. Ugh. Even with a scholarship, I'd need about seventy thousand pesos to do it...probably more...for the flight and a saving cushion, etc.

[agent1607307371]

Well they might be able to help with getting a replacement school card, and have information on what this will mean for your college registration.

 

They also might be able to hook you up with someone to talk about what's happened with your family.

[Beccy]

So...new update.

 

My mother went to tell the administrator of the residential area where I used to live with her and told her not to let me in. She (the admin) offered to let me stay with her daughter, who is also studying and working. I think I will take her up on the offer, it's much closer and safer than my friends' house and much better than living with my boss.

 

My parents warned me, when they left me, not to tell anyone because I'd look bad...well, the security guards who saw what happened were not happy with my parents at all.

 

I'm truly shocked at the goodness there is in the world still! Several of my dog-walking customers/ex neighbors have given me things and helped me out tremendously...without my even asking, one of my first customers gave me some food and called her lawyer to help me! I was in tears!!!

 

And turns out my parents are legally still obligated to take care of me until I turn 21, even if I don't live with them, as long as I don't have kids or am not married. I don't want anything from them except my things and pets, though...it seems they will have to give me my stuff so that's okay. I just hope they haven't already killed my fish...though I don't have much hope. They always were cruel with my fish. My dad would make me flush my baby fish just so he wouldn't have to take me to the pet store to exchange them for store credit when they grew up.

 

And I was told they can't make me pay them for my surgery because they should still support me...I want to live on my own, and not depend on them for anything anymore...but I can't pay them that money as it would leave me with only 500 dollars (9000 pesos) to my name and I'm not even sure where I'll live or how much rent I'll have to pay.

 

However, if they truly only wanted to "teach me a lesson about how hard life is", as they claimed...they wouldn't have also tried to starve me to death! They gave me the money, yes, but now they want most of it back, and also...they know I hardly earn anything at my 'real' job, and they tried to make me lose BOTH my jobs...they told me they'd call the cops if they found me walking dogs in the residential area (I was already assured that nothing will happen if they do it, so it's OK for me to continue working...but they certainly tried, they even told the guards not to let me in!) And they knew I'd get fired at my 'real' job if I went to work wearing sneakers, but they wouldn't let me get my work shoes...if a sweet neighbor hadn't given me a pair I don't know what I'd have done. And of course she told me not to, but I will pay her back ASAP.

 

I think today I will speak to a posible future roommate, the administrator's daughter. Hopefully all will go well...and I'm told maybe if I stay with her I'll be able to keep my fish and dog, if I can find her again.

 

I need my certificate by tomorrow...and in order to get a new one, I'd have to pay about 700 to 800 pesos and not be able to get it until up to six months have passed. I need my original and can't wait that long, and I'd prefer to not pay that money as I don't yet know how I'm going to live even with my promotion.

 

I also still don't understand

[allibaidoo4]

wow I'm sorry your going through this but If you decided to move out you have to it carefully and slowly or it can backfire and your parents can decided that they'll disown you forever

[agent1607307371]

You will probably never understand. Your parents are abusive and that's not something that is logical. I hope you get your schooling sorted out. Education is more important than ever now.

[Beccy]

My mom has begun sometimes sending me messages saying she loves me. I bet it was all my father's idea and he forced her somehow to agree to kick me out...?

 

They still haven't given me my things. Personal care items, books (some of which are irreplaceable as they were sent me by a European friend), notebooks (also irreplaceable as I have some pretty personal things jotted down that I don't want anyone else ever to read), my fish tank, clothes, etc. I'm also moving to another town today, and searching for someone to live with who won't expect me to pay equal shares of rent and then choose a place without consulting me and saying I have to sleep on the living room floor where her dogs will pee on me (and she won't let me have one of my own). I was offered to stay with a friend for a time, but I want to get a better job. Yesterday I went to ask about a better position that opened up in the same company where I work, and I will have a formal interview next week; but am also looking for a hotel where I can work as concierge as the earnings are fantastic (compared to what I make now) and they give you free food and transportation.

 

I'm confused about staying with my friend, though. She lives alone and her house is large enough for two; she says she wouldn't charge me rent though of course I will help with whatever I can. However, it IS another town; while I find another job I cannot leave my current job or my school. It's not that far but transportation would amount to more than twice the rent charged by my non-potty-trained dog owner friend, so as long as I don't find a hotel job...sheesh, it's going to be fun. It would just be a temporary arrangement, though...I want to find three or four other girls who will not mind my pets and who would be willing to rent a house together, as was my original plan with my "friend".

 

I posted ads on Facebook and have gotten a LOT of messages, but only from older men trying to 'help' by 'sharing' their house, rent free. Yeah, like I'll believe that...especially as they immediately begin asking me to go on dates with them, without even knowing me. Yuck!

 

There was even one who made no pretense of offering a place to stay but just upfront started calling me princess and asking if I had a boyfriend and if I would go out with him. I just told him I wasn't looking for a bf and he apparently gave up thankfully. I know my type (light skin, light eyes) is not common here and I do tend to draw attention, which I normally don't mind...but at times like these I wish I were ugly and then I'd maybe be safer lol

 

One seemed a bit more legit...a guy my age who wants a flatmate and is willing to rent me a room for 1000 pesos a month. Still, sharing with a GUY, and one I don't know at that...nope. *shakes head*

 

Any suggestions as to how to search for possible housemates in Mexico?

[agent1607307371]

If your friend wanted you to sleep on the floor, why did you sign the contract? If you haven't signed a contract and haven't been sleeping in a room, don't give her equal rent - speak to the landlord.

 

As for the friend who doesn't want money, I would be very careful about that set up, resentments tend to kick in very quickly in those situations.

 

Good look with your interview.

 

Did you manage to sign up for school? You should be able to look for housing through them.

[Beccy]

If your friend wanted you to sleep on the floor, why did you sign the contract? If you haven't signed a contract and haven't been sleeping in a room, don't give her equal rent - speak to the landlord.

 

I haven't, but as I've been staying with her and she's moving to the place today, I have to make my choice now. She did rescue me--if it weren't for her I'd have slept in the street that first night, but still as I would be paying equal rent, I don't feel like being peed on or not allowed to have my dog when both she and the other friend who'd be sharing with us have their dogs.

 

As for the friend who doesn't want money, I would be very careful about that set up, resentments tend to kick in very quickly in those situations.

 

I plan to give her some regardless. But that's why I'm still looking... I don't want to impose. She's a year older than me and has her own place which is paid for by her mom, who I know better than I know her.

 

Good look with your interview.

 

Thank you! Here's hoping!

 

Did you manage to sign up for school? You should be able to look for housing through them.

I did, but it's public school and I won't start until the eighteenth. Mexican schooling sucks, lol... but I will ask when I start. I still have to pay $3K for enrollment fees...and uniforms, books, etc. But I canNOT leave school.