I don't want to be bitter

[Sabby]

I'm 33 weeks pregnant and the father of my unborn son dumped me at 16 weeks pregnant. It was hard to deal with emotionally, but I also have my pregnancy hormones making me even more emotional. Well, I let him be, as much as it hurt. Basically the only contact we have is only regarding the baby. I've accepted our break up, even though I didn't want to breakup and stayed focus on my unborn son and my 2 kids that I have from a previous relationship.

 

Since the breakup, I've been hearing from so many different mutual friends we know, about how my ex has been partying here or going out there. I've always asked them to spare me the details because I didn't want to think about him and it hurt to hear those things. But my cousin, who lives out of state, had no idea that we weren't even together. She calls me up this passed Sunday and says " hey cuz, I saw your man last night at the club and guess what? He was there with his ex! What's going on?" I thanked her for her concern, but explained that we aren't together anymore and what he does is his business.

 

Now, I was already aware that he was going out and doing his thing, but the ex being there caught me by surprise. I tried not to dwell on it, but I was upset about it to, the point where I started shaking and crying out of anger and disappointment. I went to bed a sobbing mess.

 

The next day, I thought about it and I came to the realization that I didn't react the way I did just because the ex was there, it's deeper than that. I guess it was a reality check telling me that he really has moved on with his life and doesn't care that he hurt me. I never got to really face this breakup head on and deal with my emotions. I kind of just pushed the hurt and disappointment in the back of my mind and tried to stay focused on my little ones.

 

I'm trying to overcome being hurt by my ex. I don't want to feel anger or resentment towards him, especially since he wants to be apart of our son's life. What are the things you all did to help you move on? I would really appreciate some insight and advice from anybody.

[melancholy123]

I have not faced your predicament myself but I will say be sure you have some sort of support agreement sorted out with the help of a lawyer. Any man who dumps a pregnant woman is a POS in my opinion.

[Knot2loud]

I hear about situations like this all to often. It's sad that the woman carried so much of the burden with the impending birth of their child and yet the father is 50% responsible for the situation. It hits home... A similar situation happened to my oldest daughter 20 years ago - Got pregnant, father left her high and dry. It's difficult, I know.

 

You have to think about yourself and the baby now. Open a Case File with Social Services. Dear old "ex" - the baby's father will either take responsibility for his child or he'll be on the run for the next 20+ years. As for you... You're just going to have to move on without this guy.

 

I'm assuming you already have a career. One thing you may want to consider... Don't have any more babies until you know for certain your man is committed to you and actually has that gold ring on yours and his finger.

 

I wish you the best.

[kathy679]

How insensitive and cruel of your so called friends to tell you what he's up to. They don't sound like friends to me.

 

My situation was similar, apart from I had an abortion because I had a feeling something wasn't right. Then as soon as I had it I found out he had been with his ex the whole time. He too went out partying and I had a friend who kept telling me about what he was doing.

 

To deal with it I had to face the pain head on. Every time I wanted to cry I cried. I changed the room around, got a new hair style. I rread this great book about how to look after yourself if someone abandons you. If you would like to read it let me no and I will find it when I get home and tell you the name of it. It helped me so much I read it over and over again

I too had hormones going crazy.....those you just have to ride out I'm afraid.

Also if you can find one join a support group for people who have been abandoned. I never did that I wish I had

[kathy679]

The journey from abandonment to healing.... I just googled it.

Someone on here told me about it when I was in a bad place. Read it. I fully recommend it. I've read it about 4 times over and it really helped me . Gave meccomfort in my hours of agony.....hope it helps you too

[Sabby]

Thank you all for the support and advice. It was comforting. Thank you for suggesting that book. I could really use it. I'm actually going to pick one up from Barnes & Noble, if they have it. Have a great one!

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm sorry you're in this situation, but difficult as it is, you have to face head on that he's a deadbeat, and is lacking the scruples to understand the term "responsibility."

 

I would try to keep my focus on this baby who needs you more than anything. Also, be careful not to allow him to squirm his way out of his responsibility in paying child support. In any event, if he seems to have a problem with that, the courts will be happy to draw him a picture, and show him how it works.

 

I wish you and your baby the best...Take care.

[kathy679]

Thank you all for the support and advice. It was comforting. Thank you for suggesting that book. I could really use it. I'm actually going to pick one up from Barnes & Noble, if they have it. Have a great one!

 

That's great. I got my copy from amazon website so if you can't find it look on there