question about phone calls and dates

[elvisa]

my question is, last week I was asked out by a man. he gave me his card and told me to call him. He didn't ask me for my phone number. I also have a friend I am interested in, he always tells me to call him, he never calls me out of the blue but if I call he will want to make plans...

 

I don't get this, why do they want me to call them? what happened to men wanting to chase women? are these men not so into me or what is going on?? perhaps it's because they know I'm busy. I don't get it.

 

have any other women out there experienced this? or what do you guys think?? Do you do this? I'm not used to this.

 

my other question is, what is a date these days? Is "hanging out" watching a movie at the spur of the moment a date if you're with a friend? it seems like many of the couples I know never really went on real dates. is the traditional date over? it seems like I only go on dates with guys who I am getting to know. do friends not go on dates because they already know each other and don't feel like they need to impress? can somebody help clarify this gray area.....?

[FuriousSam]

How well do you know this man that is giving you his card? I might do that sometimes too when I feel that they are not too interested plus if you do call, it'll make it like you are asking for a date.

 

As for asking about a "date". I never been on a traditional date before, or at least I don't consider them as dates, so I wouldn't know what to tell you.

[peanut15]

Well when I used to belong to the dating world, I don't recall going out on a traditional date except for my very first date in high school. In my opinion, you having to call them is a game. They are interested but they want to see if you are more interested in them. I guess they want to feel like they are the ones being chased. But as women we play these stupid games too and dont end up calling these men so often because we don't want to come off as needy or pathetic. But that's just my opinion.

[annie24]

Hmmm.... so, this is just me, but I think there are 2 reasons a man would say, "Call me." 1) He's shy and not sure if you're interested, and lots of women don't feel comfortable giving out their numbers, so he wants to make things more comfortable for you. or 2) He's a player. If you call, he gets to decide if HE wants to date you! He may just like having lots and lots of women calling him.

 

If a guy gives me his number, and I like him back, I say, "Here's mine too." If a guy gives me his number, and I get the feeling that he's kinda sleazy, I just say "Thanks" and throw it away 2 minutes later.

[tiger_lilies]

I understand your confusion. The more traditional date for me, is when your intentions are to get to know that person better and to have it lead into something potentially romantic in the future.

I find that the men I date are usually pursuing for some sort of romance...or er, I mean sex. (Not always leading to that of course)

 

Hanging out with a friend, I don't consider a date since you already know this person and romance/sex is not the intention.

 

Of course these intentions, whether for romance or not are not always clear, especially when you are at the "getting to know you stage". Until specifically stated by either party, then it's fair game!

[Scout]

My feeling is that if a guy gives you his number, he's a little unsure if you're interested in him so he's not sure if he should ask for your number. So he compromises by offering his.

 

I don't come accross this very often, though. Generally guys ask for the number. But my last boyfriend actually offered me his, and I ended up calling him.

[elvisa]

the guy who gave me his card is someone that I have just seen around work. He walked up to me and introduced himself.

 

A lot of people say they have never been on a traditional date, so if you're spending time with a friend of the opposite sex and it's not a date then what is it?? How are all these people hooking up? I want my next relationship to be with a friend, not some guy that picked me up at a bar, who tried to sleep with me the first time he saw me, that is why I'm asking.

 

I haven't been in a relationship in 3 years, he was my only relationship and now I feel clueless.

[FuriousSam]

If it's someone that you just seen around work, then I suggest going on a lunch date or something less "formal". Getting coffee over break is a good way to talk and get to know each other. I suggest lunch or coffee because if you don't like the person, it is not going to last too long (And if you do like him, then set up another one).

 

I don't call get together "dates" because it takes the pressure off me asking and her responding. I normally just call it a "thing" like a lunch thing or something. You can use whatever term you want, the events/results are the same anyway. "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

 

A bar is a meat market. If you want to meet someone that doesn't want to sleep with you the first time they see you (And let's be real here, that's pretty hard to find), you have to go somewhere else.