How do you know it's time to end things after 3 months?

[swimmergirl20]

Hello,

 

I'm 25 and he's 27 for reference. I started seeing this guy about 3 months ago. We met on a dating app (hinge - it's supposedly classier than tinder and geared more towards actual dating) the first date was amazing as well as the next few ones. He's handsome, went to the same college as me, and strikes me an upstanding guy, not like some of the douchebags I've dated in the past. I made it official with him about a month in, mostly because I didn't want to continue hooking-up without commitment. He deleted his dating app and has been pretty much responsive to whatever I want. He's not really want to take a lot of initiative though, but maybe I'm expecting too much for such a new relationship.

 

 

The issue is that, now 3 months in, I'm really not sure where this is going and I worry my feelings for him are starting to wane, as his might be for me. I had imagined feeling closer to him at this point in the relationship. I'm in medical school and pretty much consumed by exam studying at the moment, and hadn't seen him since before Thanksgiving break. To be honest, I feel like my life is a little boring. I just have so much studying to do (which I actually love, I'm going into my dream career), but I can't exactly relate everything to him since he's not in med school. I don't have much time to devote to hobbies right now. I didn't hear from him too much over Thanksgiving break (I texted him at the end of the break to arrange a date.) I had an exam yesterday and honestly didn't feel like doing anything, I just wanted to netflix and chill - as they say. He came over and I just didn't feel that spark. We had a pleasant conversation but sometimes it feels like things are off. He did say he missed me, but I wonder if he missed me or the sex. I feel like I'm not always very witty and sometimes say stupid things. Granted, I'm pretty insecure, and was also exhausted after my exam and not feeling like going back to studying for the next one. But I just didn't really like we clicked in our conversation, Here are a few details:

 

 

1.) He still lives at home and hasn't told his parents about us. He works for a start-up, so maybe not making much money, but it doesn't sound like he has plans to move out anytime soon. I remarked that his parents must wonder where he goes when he comes to see me and he said he tells them "I'm going to see a friend." This kind of hurt?

 

2.) He pretty much does what his mom tells him, he said she told him they were going to Shabbat dinner tonight and he doesn't really want to go but his mom said he had to. He might've been joking but I thought that was kind of odd at the age of 27.

 

 

3.) He smokes cigarrettes... I'm not really a fan of that.

 

 

4.) He didn't remember that I told him my parents are divorced. When I told him I had separate thanksgivings, he looked confused and asked if my parents are separated.

 

5.) I'm his first girlfriend, but he's definitely sexually experienced. Our sex life is great.

 

Most of all, I'm kind of hurt that he hasn't told his parents about me. Am I being too needy? I'd like to at least talk to him about that. Also, I just don't know how I feel about him, and it's nearly 3 months in. How do I go about this? Part of me wants to hang on and hope we can work through some of these things. Am I expecting too much from him? I feel like he's a a bit of a man-child.

[mhowe]

Living at home at 27 when working for a start up seems normal.

Going to traditional Jewish prayer on Fri night when living at home with parents...not abnormal either.

 

His choice when to tell his parents about you. I wouldn't bring it up.

 

You are the one who went off for Thanksgiving and who cancelled earlier this week due to studying. You are the one who was too tired for anything but a Netflix night.

 

If you are bored with your life...it's a bit much for him to have to supply the spark. And talking about med school with non med students...I never discussed my graduate classes with my bf at the time.

 

Perhaps your life is too full for dati g right now. I don't see anything odd about your relationship at 3 months.

[DoF]

3 months in and you hardly know this guy and are already sexual? Not smart IMO.

 

Also, you are not in position in life for a relationship, sorry. Relationships NEED on regular basis/daily involvement and they are a lot of hard work. You simply don't have time for that right now due to your study/careers.

 

27, lives with his parents, smokes, poor memory and NO experience at relationships? Yeah, your red flag alarm should be going off like crazy.

 

Before you get involved into next relationship, I would highly suggest you learn about them. 5 Love languages is a great start/good general relationship guide. STAY AWAY FROM EARLY INTIMACY!!! If you care enough to learn about relationships....you will quickly learn how big of a mistake that was.......I won't go into why and let you find out on your own. But there is WAY more cons to early intimacy than pros. I always recommend against it until you know the person WELL and there has been LOTS of time investment IN PERSON.

 

Prepare yourself and once you are done with school and can actually dedicate TIME into relationship, you will be ready.

[swimmergirl20]

Unfortunately I will probably never have that kind of time to invest. After med school is residency, which can be exhausting 80+ hour weeks in the hospital. Then there's fellowship for a few years and THEN i'll be an attending. My career is always going to be crazy, I don't see why now is a bad time. I think it should be desirable that I'm such a hard worker and have gotten myself to this place.

[reinventmyself]

You already have a thread going on this same subject.

[mhowe]

Who wants to date someone who is a hard worker, tired all the time and has no life outside of school? Why do you think many doctors marry nurses? Because they know the drill.

 

I wouldn't date a med student on a bet. I watched my college roommate do so...and she was the one doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship. Then had to move to Minn. for his residency. Then move again. Her career was putnon hold because she would have had to pass the bar in other states. She virtually raised her kids alone...and her social life rarely included him because he was on call.

[Dottieflanogon]

Well that's the whole point of dating..to see if there's a potential. If you're already having doubts then you're probably not as compatible as you thought you were

[ManyDates]

Well that's the whole point of dating..to see if there's a potential. If you're already having doubts then you're probably not as compatible as you thought you were

 

Bingo.

 

At 3 months you should be head over heels in love, not second guessing things. I've been there, it sucks I know, but once its over you'll feel better and not confused, you'll also have an idea of what you want and don't want moving forward.