danewillow Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 I've started the online petition for divorce (or "dissolution of marriage" as they call it). We'll have to get the house on the market. It will need a few things done to it. He's already talking about rehoming our pets. I will probably end up cashing in a 401k as a hardship and using it as a down payment to buy a place of my own so I can keep whatever animals he can't. I can't imagine life without them. We don't have kids so it's just splitting debts and assets. We should have enough household stuff to furnish two homes. It will only get better, right? Every year it seems like bad things happen and they keep getting worse. I'm going to be 46 and single. I guess that doesn't seem so bad now that I think about it. 2016 will be a great year... Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk Link to comment
Andrina Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 This exact thing happened to me at your age, but I have children. They were 17 and 21 at the time, and we had four dogs. He moved onto a boat, so I had all the dogs. I bought a house since I didn't think anyone would rent to me with that many animals. I wish I hadn't assumed and wished I would've attempted renting. I bought at the height of the market six months before the crash. When I met my new husband, he moved in and thought the house was too small and didn't have a garage. We rented that house and bought a new one. I'm finally at the point where I can sell the old house without a loss, when my renters decide to move out. I'm telling you this because I would recommend that you rent a house. You don't want to dip into 401K funds. That's the last thing you should do. You cannot borrow retirement funds in the future. Give yourself time to readjust to a new life without any major decisions like purchasing a home. This will give you time to build up your savings for a future down payment. You don't know what life will bring. Maybe you will eventually meet a new lifetime partner and you may be moving into his place or you may be choosing a home together. If that happens, you'll be happy you won't be saddled with a home you bought out of hurried desperation. The second half of my life has been far happier and I wish the same for you. Link to comment
danewillow Posted November 24, 2015 Author Share Posted November 24, 2015 We have 3 dogs and 2 of them are Danes. Most rentals have a weight limit. We also have 4 cats (I'm hoping to only need to take 2 of them), 2 parrots, and 2 large snakes (he can deal with those). The parrots get very loud. Unless I can find a house to rent allowing all of those, I will be buying. I may be able to get a bit from the sale of our house and not need to take the 401k. I'll have to see what a realtor says once we're ready to list it. Plus we'll be selling off some other things. The housing market is doing pretty well in our area so we might get something out of the house. I'll be downsizing quite a bit. I am not getting married again. I have no desire to live with anyone. I was single and independent for a long time and I really miss that. Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 ""I have no desire to live with anyone. I was single and independent for a long time and I really miss that."" I hear you there. 2 years after my wife left it's a lot more peaceful and a lot less stress. Good luck! Link to comment
danewillow Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 We're working with a realtor who is a friend and her finance person to try to find the smoothest road to separation. We'd like to move me out with the majority of the animals so we can get the house on the market. We looked at potential neighborhoods near my work with affordable houses. I'm done with the 2800 sf we have. I'm looking at less than 1000 sf. We've both agreed to remain friends and treat each other fairly throughout the whole thing. Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk Link to comment
MJJean Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I totally understand. I have 3 dogs, a cat, a tortoise, and an African Grey. It's dang near impossible to find a rental with just the dogs, much less the parrot. She likes to be noisy in the early morning and evening. Heck, she's hooting and hollaring right now! Would it be possible to take out of the 401k to buy a new house, move to it with the pets you're keeping with you, then clean and stage your current home, sell it, and pay back the 401k with your portion of the profit? If that's not possible, do you have a neighbor, friend, or family member that would allow you to stash your pets at their house while yours is being viewed? The people we bought from had two large dogs. They requested 24 hrs notice before showings so that they could send the dogs to the next door neighbor. That gave them time to clean up the dog hair and toys before potential buyers came. You could do the same. The dogs, cats, and birds can be moved to a friend or family members house in carriers or crates where they can rest while the house is being viewed. I'm not a reptile person and not very familiar with snake care, so I don't have any ideas about the snakes, but I would suggest moving them temporarily while the house is on the market because some people get really creeped out by snakes and them being there when the house is shown might hurt your chances of getting a good offer. Link to comment
danewillow Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 We have an African Grey too. He can really shriek. One of our Danes is not friendly with people he doesn't know. The other hates children and will bite them. It would be asking a lot to hand them off to anyone else. My husband will be finding new homes for the snakes. Once I hear back from the finance person we'll know more what we need to do to move me and the pets out. We do have some things to sell. A diamond ring for sure... Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk Link to comment
danewillow Posted December 12, 2015 Author Share Posted December 12, 2015 Last night we got the papers notarized and I brought them to the courthouse this afternoon. I've read that in MN the judge can take as little as 1-2 weeks to get the divorce finalized (we're no-fault here in MN, we don't have kids, and we're in agreement, one of the fastest states for divorce). I could be "single" by 2016. We're still roommates until the house sells and I'm pushing to get it on the market by the end of February. I think he believes I'm already seeing other people (I am not). I have a female coworker I've known for years. I used to go out and have a lot of fun back when I was single. I think when I tell him I'm going out with her or crashing at her place after drinking a bit too much (she lives about an hour away) he thinks I'm using that as a cover for something else. Nope, just having some fun. I've told him he's welcome to do whatever he wants with whomever he wants. He chooses to wallow in self pity at home. Have fun with that. I think this divorce is one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life. Link to comment
danewillow Posted January 11, 2016 Author Share Posted January 11, 2016 Our case was assigned pretty quickly to a judge but we've heard nothing since. I'm so impatient. I wish she'd just sign the papers already! I've taken a few days off to work on the house. Friday was the first day I took off and I have tomorrow off. Unfortunately, I've been sick so I haven't accomplished much. My soon-to-be-ex-husband hasn't done a thing to help! He sold his truck and whined the whole time (I did not make him sell the truck). I had a blast over New Years without him while he wallowed in self pity at home. Maybe my birthday in 2 weeks will be a double celebration with signed divorce papers? Link to comment
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