Forgiveness

[Heartsonfire12]

Hey everyone,

 

I'm two weeks into NC and do not plan to break it. Each day I'm doing things to better myself and get my confidence back. One of the things I really want is to forgive my ex. It's not because I want to be friends or part of his life, it's because he doesn't deserve to be on my mind anymore. We do have mutual friends so it's likely I may encounter him here and there. I want the nausea I feel when I see him to be replaced with indifference.

 

With that said, if anyone has any tips, books, reference materials they'd recommend to me to help me close this chapter for good, I would really appreciate it!

[Heavy]

What did your ex do for you two to break up???

 

Cheating IMO will never get my forgiveness, I just let Karma do it's work on them.

[jimmyh]

It goes like this: hurt -> anger -> nausea -> indifference. In my own experience, the last two are separated by about two years. Also, in my case, there was no serious reason for the ones in the middle, but they still happened, nonetheless. I only had trouble with the first two, though. Good luck with yours.

[Heartsonfire12]

Agreed that cheating is not forgivable for me. And who knows, I may have been cheated on with the way he acted. Basically he would go MIA for weeks and make me think I was crazy for being upset about it. Went to break up with him and he convinced me things were okay and he was on the same page as me. A little over a month later he breaks up with me, claiming the butterflies are gone and he still loves me and is very attracted to me and hopes we can be friends. Tried to be friends for a few months, but seeing him always gave me anxiety because I missed him.

 

I found out about three weeks ago that he is hooking up with a friend of a friend. It disgusted me. Wrote a post about running into them and him kissing her in front of me. That was the nail in the coffin for our friendship. I've since found out he is trying to get with a girl who i am friendly with, but she has no interest. Basically he just wants to get in the pants of any warm body.

 

But like I said, I want this disgust to go away. I am happy with myself and it aggravates me that he still has a hold on me, even though I think he is a crappy person.

[Heartsonfire12]

It goes like this: hurt -> anger -> nausea -> indifference. In my own experience, the last two are separated by about two years. Also, in my case, there was no serious reason for the ones in the middle, but they still happened, nonetheless. I only had trouble with the first two, though. Good luck with yours.

 

 

Thanks for your insight - hope you are feeling great nowadays!

[mhowe]

I don't see that you are going to forgive him any time soon. Aim for indifference.

[Hollyj]

Time, and living your life to the fullest will get you to that point.

 

Sorry, but it's the best answer I have.

[emptyeffort]

wish it was easy to go to the indifference step. thinking about it.. it took me 3 years and my recent ex to just feel indifferent about a girl i once had a crush on. that i couldnt be with her never actually bothered me, nor that she got a bf or anything. (suer it hit me but i was fine already after a few days) but when all of a sudden i lost her as my best friend it really hurt me. thought about it every now and then until i met my recent ex. and now shes the cause of all my pain. and this time its not only a crush. but i really loved her. 2 months in. still hoping for better times. i guess indifference part is just something that happens. you can have or read all the logic you want. feelings dont follow logic unfortunately. youll just start caring less and less. youre over it when you dont care anymore. when ppl say they are "angry" or "mad" at their ex or hate them. they still have strong feelings towards them.

 

hope for both of us the day eventually comes where we just feel indifference towards them. rather sooner than later.

[Heavy]

When ppl say they are "angry" or "mad" at their ex or hate them. they still have strong feelings towards them.

 

So very correct. Keep moving forward it does get better

[Dottieflanogon]

I don't think you can force forgiveness. I'd say letting go of all the resentment and negative thoughts. Perhaps that can lead to eventual forgiveness, but I don't think that's always strictly necessary. Time will heal

[kbbcoop77]

My ex cheated so forgiveness is off the table. And she cheated with a "family friend"...I don't worry about forgiveness aiming for indifference ..one day ..