1.5 years after the break-up...what on earth is happening to me?

[staypositive1]

Hello everyone,

 

it has been a while since I posted here. The Break-up that led me here happened 1.5 years ago. It was sudden and I never got any explanation as to why he left me.

The time thereafter was hard, especially the first few months. Thereafter I got myself together, started travelling a lot, found a new job, which is great and spent time doing yoga - all these things have kept me busy and my thoughts away from the person who broke my heart.

About 6 -7 months ago, I have started a new job, which is great and met a fantastic guy. He is kind, respectful, loving....we had a great time together and I was happy with my life. I have not thought about my ex. Just recently, however, it all came back to me. And I cannot stop thinking about my ex. The pain and confusion, even though to a lesser extent, but it is all back.

I felt like I was being so unfair towards my new BF that I was very honest and we have split up because of this.

Now I am left wondering...why is my ex back in my head? we have not been talking since the break-up...

Any thoughts/advise? I could really use some words of wisdom to keep me sane

 

Thank you!!

[Movingforward3]

Do you think something specific happened that caused you to think about your ex? A memory that was triggered by something or a specific event? Perhaps the new guy made you dredge up your feelings? Do you know where your ex is now?

 

As frustrating as it can be, waves of emotion can happen for quite sometime. Maybe you buried your feelings and you didn't get over him like you hoped.

[dias]

Sometimes reminiscences conjure up but you have to deflect/ignore them. Stay busy and try not to dwell on them. They will fade , it is just a matter of time .

[staypositive1]

I cannot recall anything that could have made it all come back...I just noticed that I have suddenly started comparing my bf to my ex (for no reason whatsoever, this guy is truly great) and all the hurt and sadness came back. and I started missing my ex again...

I think my ex is still where he was before, he lives in a different country where he has his own business. I don't think he has moved away. We don't speak to each other so it is hard for me to tell.

[kbbcoop77]

How long were you together? Did u live together?

[staypositive1]

WE were together for 1.5 years and have lived together for about 4-5 months. The last 8 months were long distance.

[Dottieflanogon]

As time goes on, generally bad memories start to fade and the good ones are left. More people tend to focus their memory on the reasons the relationship worked out, not the reasons it ended.My personal take on this is to treasure your relationship with your current bf and do your best not to think of the past anymore

[Ms Darcy]

I cannot recall anything that could have made it all come back...I just noticed that I have suddenly started comparing my bf to my ex (for no reason whatsoever, this guy is truly great) and all the hurt and sadness came back. and I started missing my ex again...

I think my ex is still where he was before, he lives in a different country where he has his own business. I don't think he has moved away. We don't speak to each other so it is hard for me to tell.

 

It may be something was missing with the new guy and you had that with your ex. So perhaps you are not necessarily missing the ex but missing certain aspects of your connection together - which you didn't feel with the new guy.