Should I stay or should I go...

[Jessi28516]

I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years an had thought of marriage and family with him. We have lived together for a year an a half, and I even moved halfway accross the country with him. I'm thinking of at least taking a break.

 

He is not good at communication an would rather not talk then try to make conversation unless it's something he really wants to talk about. Affection is also lacking. In the beginning there was passion, and not none. I get a peck on the lips as he leaves for work an it's a very light peck. When he's asleep he still sometimes cuddle like throwing his arm over me. I use to try to get a hug or kiss an would often get pushed a way. So i have stopped trying to get affection. I feel like we are roommates, who share a bed, an not in a romantic relationship. He tells me that he doesn't need affection and I do and every couple months we have the same talk = I tell,him I need him to help,me around the house and not take me for granted, I need affection and communication. Things get better for a few days and then go back to before.

 

I feel lonely in my relationship and I have discussed this with him. He seems selfish. I can't recall at,any point in our relationship where he said I was pretty or beautiful, and only a few times when he has initiated saying I love you. Mostly he says it when I confront him. And nice things, haha, I planned my own birthday weekend get a way and told him he was paying and he had to choose the hotel. But when it's about him that's okay he can just do it.

I don't get the little things, not even flowers. This weekend, and I'm sure he is thinking it's good enough, for Affection was to try to cuddle aka throw an arm over me before falling asleep, an as sitting in the couch or laying in bed aggravating me by acting,like a kid would an laying on me or poking me.

 

I love him, but not sure we will work. I've mentioned the whole moving out an dating an he only says no. I say why an he is like I want to be with you, I say why, he says I love you.

 

About 7 weeks ago I just couldn't take his distance anymore an felt he was hiding something for a while. I know it sounds wrong, but I hacked his email. I'm expected to be open about everything an say yeah you can use my ohine, but him, his phone is on lockdown like gen I walk by it was hidden from my sight. So 7 weeks ago, I found out that throughout our entire relationship he has been messaging craisglist sex ads, including photos. My heart was broken. I remember a couple years ago I found him lookinging at plenty of fish and he claimed he was getting spam and cancelling his account. Me I have been in the relationship an never attempted to cheat or anything. I confronted him an he said he was doing it because I was being a b**** by wanting help around the help an intimacy.

 

I currently don't feel trust an question where he is going if he just goes shopping. I'm afraid of making the wrong move by moving on since I love him, but I feel like I need more and have been unhappy for a while - months.

 

We have had some good times, and when he actually communicates an shows affection things are good. But those moments seem to be more and more rare. I'm also afraid of being alone in this city by myself. I've not met any friends outside of work, and even have tried the meet up women's brunches things. My family is on the east coast an I'm in Texas. I want to move back, but my new job is not one I can transfer yet, and I don't want to move an be jobless living with mom, an hoping to find something so I can pay my bills.

 

I know if I had never moved here I may not have had the opportunity job wise as I do now.

 

Any advice is appreciated. I'm just tired of trying an feeling like I'm putting in all the work.

[Chutney86]

Hey. Ur relationship sounds just like mine that I left a month ago. I felt like he had no appreciation for me, no time or effort was put in the relationship, little to no affection and I felt so lonely. Rows wud be caused by me telling him I wasn't happy with how he was treating me. He would go defensive. I finally gave up cuz I felt I had no choice and after that night breaking up I haven't heard a word from him. I really do feel like crap but at least I no now my true value to him.

[Movingforward3]

Jessi, sorry for your pain. I would say why not change things up. Focus on you and making the best of your new place. Texas is great. What part are you living in? Perhaps, you go out and live and not be that available for him. Change it up and see if you get a reaction. This way you can feel better about you and see what else is out there! It healthier, exercise and have fun!

[jobelle]

I confronted him an he said he was doing it because I was being a b**** by wanting help around the help an intimacy.

Very big red flag. He's not taking any responsibility for his actions.

[Snny]

He is not good at communication an would rather not talk then try to make conversation unless it's something he really wants to talk about. Affection is also lacking.

This issues need to be resolved before marriage. Communication is essential in any relationship.

 

So 7 weeks ago, I found out that throughout our entire relationship he has been messaging craisglist sex ads, including photos. My heart was broken. I remember a couple years ago I found him lookinging at plenty of fish and he claimed he was getting spam and cancelling his account.

Time to check out of the relationship. You don't need an explain action from him for this behavior. He's an adult who knows right from wrong. He knows what he's doing.

[metrogirl]

I think your relationship is doomed and moving out and on with your life is best.

 

Initially as I was reading your post, it sort of mirrored my own relationship issues last year but as I continued to read the part about craigslist and sex ads and online dating, I said to myself this is no good. He doesn't respect you or the relationship and instead of trying to work on the relationship with you, he rather scope out women on craigslist?

 

Cut your losses and move on. I don't think he really loves you in a sense, more that he is probably just comfortable having you there with him.

[ParisPaulette]

Sounds like what i went through with my ex. He was cheating, yours is too. All I can tell you is to end it now, move out, get tested for STDS and realize you've caught him now several times which means his actions are chronic in nature and not a one time "mistake" although i don't believe in those either.

 

He wants you around, but it isn't for love or sex. OR he likes having a secret life and getting his sexual thrills elsewhere while keeping a steady person as backup. Either way you're already unhappy and have been for some time. And no loving him is simply not enough, not even close actually. You need to move out and move on, you know what this is all about and he casts blame at you when he is the one doing wrong.

 

There really isn't any reason to stay unless you just can't face upsetting the status quo at which point you need to accept this IS your life and his affection, what little there was of it, is long gone. I'm sorry, but I've been you. My only regret ever has been I didn't leave the first time I saw the writing on the wall and knew what he was up to or the second or the third or the...you get the picture.

 

I only regret not leaving sooner. You will too.