Feeling really ridiculous.

[emolimum]

I met a guy through a fan talk website about 6 months ago. At first we talked about pretty general stuff; movies, books... That kind of thing. Then we started getting more personal and talking nearly constantly, through text and phone.

 

I have two kids and their father and I have been having a lot of issues lately. He's been practically begging me to help fix the relationship and wants to know why I have refused to have sex with him or even kiss him for months. We are practically done but continue to live together because neither of us have any other option right now.

 

I can't make myself try to fix our relationship or get intimate for a lot of reasons but mainly because of the guy I talk to. I think about him all the time and I have the weirdest feelings from it. I get excited when he texts and disappointed when he doesn't. I go through the whole day with a sense of longing for him. And I absolutely hate it and feel completely stupid. He says he feels the same way, but he lives on the other side of the country. What can be done?

 

Even worse is that I sort of have these daydreams of... Seeing each other. Being with each other. And sometimes I think I feel like it will actually happen some time. And when I talk to him I kind of pick up on the sense that he feels the same way... But it is just for fun. And it hurts. I'm not sure if that's really it because I am to embarrassed to tell him any of that.

 

I feel so childish and weird about this whole thing. I have tried to distance myself from it but I can't do it. I miss him when we aren't talking.

 

Is this normal? I have never met the man and feel like this is a little deep for the situation, but I don't know what to do. I feel like this is totally unhealthy but I don't know how to stop. What is going on with me?

[greta96]

You are infatuated with the idea of that man, who seems perfect to you because let's face it, it's easy to look perfect online. You don't know anything about him, except for the persona he is projecting virtually, so none of his bad traits are perceived by you at this point. You have created a mental image of this amazing guy with whom you'd have amazing chemistry, especially since your own relationship has lost its excitement and novelty has been replaced with routine and boredom, but the reality is you may not click at all in person, and he may be a rotten partner. A relationship with him will become just as routine and boring as your current one, once you get to live with him and wash his socks and underwear.

 

I think it's time to step away from the screen and re-focus on reality and the important things you have going in your life - such as your kids and trying to make things work with their father. He wants you two to fix things, so why not go to counselling together and see if you can reignite the spark? You won't be able to do it while that cyber guy is in the picture, of course, so how about you tell dude that you have decided to work on being with your family, and thus your cyber fantasy needs to end? Once your mind is clear, then you can direct your energy towards working on your relationship.

[Liefde]

Is this normal? I have never met the man and feel like this is a little deep for the situation, but I don't know what to do. I feel like this is totally unhealthy but I don't know how to stop. What is going on with me?

 

I think you know the answer!

You need to stop it, start thinking clear it will only complicate your life even more.

You yourself say it is unhealthy, only you can stop it no one else.

Do no contact on him, it will hurt.

Hugs!