Having a hard time

[Jetta]

I'm really get tired of trying in life. No matter what I do I can't seem to accomplish anything. I mean I failed my son, my marriages sucked, the first one is the only one who asked for another chance, sent flowers, etc. But he backhanded me so hard I fell to ground. To this day my smile is crooked, 20 years ago that happened. I really have a small influence on my daughter who tolerates me she said today. I so wish it would end. I can't pull the trigger but I wish God would.

 

Only descent jobs I get are always temporary. It's just messing me up financially, stop go stop go, affecting my disability. I am repaying SSD right now because of it all. I had no income or disability income most of 2014 because they stopped it entirely. I just can't deal anymore. Starting over all the time to be doing nothing better or different than the last time, why am I here? Life is just too hard for me. Why do I have to be a loser? No matter what I do its wrong, not good enough, or whatever. I just don't fit, I don't have a place in this world.

[dias]

Believe me you are not the only one in this world that feels desperate. Pulling a trigger is not a solution whatsoever . Try to devote yourself completely to something you like until you get the results you want and achieve the feeling of "success". I think total commitment to something is the only sanctuary .

[Jetta]

Talked to a friend. She suggested I say no to the temp jobs, and seek out part-time. I saw two good opportunities and applied, 2 other ok ones that require more time to apply so I'll look at those a day or so. The one I'm most interested in offers benefits. I think that could really work, if the pay is descent.

[thejigsup]

Try and find one thing you want to do career-wise and stick to it. You tend to bounce from idea to idea, from man to man, from marriage to marriage. Just stick with one career and if you stick with it, even when it seems you are spinning your wheels, you will succeed. I knew what I wanted to do from a very young age, but was told I was under qualified, the wrong gender, too young, you name it, for years! I stuck with it and finally landed the job of my dreams, which I held for many years until I found a new passion and went back to school for that. Stick with something, even when it seems impossible, and it will come to you. This I guarantee. Rome wasn't built in a day. Pursue what you went to school for, if that is your passion, and don't let anything stop you. You are worth it. Didn't you at one time want to study law? Go for that. I have worked in the legal field and it is both lucrative and interesting.

[Jetta]

Yeah, flighty is my nature. Good advice. That means hoping for the temp job I want, but haven't heard much more about.

[Jetta]

She's being awful now, and I can't take it. I mentioned after she asked what I was doing with my daughter that I'm broke. I spent my money repairing the car, which she knows about, and getting my storage up to date, the little I had left went to gas and incidentals, like food.

 

I worked my tail off fixing her rental, I took care of her cats, though I'm super allergic, while they took a trip. Cleaned the house, fixed her computer, even made a pancake breakfast this morning. I sit for 10 minutes in a chair, she says shut the tv off, get dressed get your bed made, and starts chewing me out for not paying her for staying here this month.

 

Tells her fiancé I'm the one with the attitude. Because I didn't stay quiet. I want out NOW! Staying here for several more months will result in me ending my life. I'm just so fed up with everything.

 

Money is the only thing she cares about, I don't have any I am no value to her.