end of early 20s blues

[scorpion91]

I'm reaching of my early 20s, pushing to my mid 20s(I turn 24 on the 29th) and I'm feeling blue. And I feel a bit blue as I type this. Why?

 

1. I haven't had sex. I lie to people and claim I've had sex with 5-6 as a way to claim "masculinity." I do that to say that I'm "straight." And whenever I hear some of my guy friends say they hooked up or about to hook up, I feel loose a bit of my "masculinity" that I'm trying to maintain when I people tell me that. The closest I've had sex, was I asked my friend if he be down to be in a 3way with he, his FWB girl, and I. His FWB turned it down, but he was down and didn't have issues.

 

2. Bi curious leaning. Since August 2010 I've had some brief sexual/platonic feelings for 4 close male friends I've known. But I've also had sexual feelings towards girls I knew or that were "hot" but with guys I knew; I wanted to have sex with those girls.

 

3. Don't have a "high paying job" I'm a part time GRA(Research Assistant) at my school.

 

4. I'm early 20s pushing my mid 20s but still act like I'm 18-20. Why? My first rodeo(undergrad) wasn't all that great and it sucked. I didn't know a lot people and I didn't have a legit college experience. However, I'm trying to make a "comeback." Since October '14 I've been in a "comeback" mode trying to get with a girl, go to a few parties, befriend a lot of people. Doing things like a freshman again. Yet, I go to grad school but I don't like the vibe of arrogance and the out of touch with people older than me. I do know people in grad school and exchanged numbers with people, I haven't hanged out with those guys. I've invited them to hang out sometimes, but they work or girlfriends they see. I have two "personalities": being a "college bro" and a "college grad student" and overlap overtimes.

[DoF]

I'm reaching of my early 20s, pushing to my mid 20s(I turn 24 on the 29th) and I'm feeling blue. And I feel a bit blue as I type this. Why?

 

Most people don't mature until 30s (mid/late). Completely normal.

 

1. I haven't had sex. I lie to people and claim I've had sex with 5-6 as a way to claim "masculinity." I do that to say that I'm "straight." And whenever I hear some of my guy friends say they hooked up or about to hook up, I feel loose a bit of my "masculinity" that I'm trying to maintain when I people tell me that. The closest I've had sex, was I asked my friend if he be down to be in a 3way with he, his FWB girl, and I. His FWB turned it down, but he was down and didn't have issues.

 

1) stop careing about what other people say or think. Most of these guys are full of shiiit and are just trying to impress you.

2) Do NOT share your personal details of your life with those people. It's NONE of their business.

3) You know what they say about those that brag. Chances are the opposite is the truth.

 

2. Bi curious leaning. Since August 2010 I've had some brief sexual/platonic feelings for 4 close male friends I've known. But I've also had sexual feelings towards girls I knew or that were "hot" but with guys I knew; I wanted to have sex with those girls.

 

Cut the friendship off (with action, not words). If you have attraction towards someone you either a) ask them out for a date/if they are interested or b) stop friendship. You are NOT a good friend if you have hidden attraction or agenda!

 

3. Don't have a "high paying job" I'm a part time GRA(Research Assistant) at my school.

 

Who cares? Are you doing what you like? Are you supporting yourself.

 

STAY AWAY FROM HERD MENTALITY AND THOSE THAT FOLLOW IT. Do opposite of what everyone is doing, chances are high that is WAY better. And do not listen to braggers. Decent/smart/mature person will NOT share their salary information or flaunt their wealth around.

 

Goes back to "stop caring what other people think about you", it comes with maturity. Their thoughts are completely worthless. Also, no matter what you do, even if you had 10 girls and million dollars a week, people will still find a way to crap on you and push your buttons.

 

Human nature

 

4. I'm early 20s pushing my mid 20s but still act like I'm 18-20. Why? My first rodeo(undergrad) wasn't all that great and it sucked. I didn't know a lot people and I didn't have a legit college experience. However, I'm trying to make a "comeback." Since October '14 I've been in a "comeback" mode trying to get with a girl, go to a few parties, befriend a lot of people. Doing things like a freshman again. Yet, I go to grad school but I don't like the vibe of arrogance and the out of touch with people older than me. I do know people in grad school and exchanged numbers with people, I haven't hanged out with those guys. I've invited them to hang out sometimes, but they work or girlfriends they see. I have two "personalities": being a "college bro" and a "college grad student" and overlap overtimes.

 

I understand that when you are young, it SEEMS important to "get as much as possible" and "as many girls'. DO NOT DO THAT.

 

YOU need to figure out what it is that you like in life and desire, DO NOT let our society or people around you define that FOR YOU. Cause you will be wasting your time and doing things you don't enjoy or like.

 

Most of my friends at that age were just like that, while I was just like you, wanting a deeper connection with a girl and long term relationship. Not a fling or sex.

 

Heck, sex without feelings was COMPLETELY worthless. Actually, quite opposite, it was completely unappealing and probably last thing I would want to do.

 

Remember you are around YOUNG LITTLE BOYS that don't have a clue about themselves, what they want or ANYTHING. They are blind and often driven with their private parts. They all follow the herd and do things that other idiots to do as well.

 

My best advice, disengage and stay away from followers and ESPECIALLY boys that think with their penis. By far the WORST kind of people to be around.

 

Party types as well.......cause that almost always involved alcohol and hard core drugs.

 

WATCH THOSE CLOSEST TO YOU!!!

 

The best people relationship advice I can give you is:

"If a person is not a positive influence in your life, doesn't make you happy, doesn't work hard on themselves to be the best person they can possibly be and doesn't work hard on YOU to make you the best person you can be, they are simply NOT worth being around".

 

Good luck

[92151794]

You are still young. You will achieve all you want in time.

[scorpion91]

And to the guys or ladies that posted replies:

 

1. I do not "follow the herd." I am not trying to follow what someone does and be "like that them." No, I've been feeling this way for several years and it's not something I picked up and copied. I've been dissatisfied with my life for the past few years when I do not reach a specific "milestone" as a masculine heterosexual American college guy. The notion of "masculinity" in American college gender roles, of expectations to lose one's virginity at-around 17-19.

2. I lie that I say that I've had sex with girls, so people would not tease or say that "....he's a(insert any homophobic slur here) and he never got laid..." And it's awkward to go around to bars or clubs or to other people, that I haven't gotten "laid." It frustrates me, that I know guys younger than me, that have sex and I haven't. I feel like I lose several points of my "masculinity" whenever people younger than me, have sex. I keep my masculinity strong and instill to people, yeah I have sex in the past but I'm just laying low and trying to find a girl now. I mean, I work out when I can and try to look fit for being 23 and try to have a body of a 18-19 year old.

3. Do I support myself? Yes an no. I'm a part time employee in a department on campus. I use financial aid to pay for my housing and meal plan on campus; but parents help at times. So they technically "support me." My dad gives me bs over the years: 1. Not having a girlfriend or bringing a girl over to the house. 2. Why I don't have a 40k+ job(full time) And other bs.

4. The bicurious thing. I never said that I wanted to get with the guys, who I had close friendships with. I had a sexual/platonic feeling towards 4 close male friends. When I mean sexual feeling, it was brief. I didn't go around telling them that I had a sexual feeling/fantasy. And a close male friend that I've known since August 2014 and whom we are close to a degree you can say, was bi curious in high school. We did hug a for a bit longer and it was platonic/bromance but not sexual. And the closeness of being together in the same building and friendship and other things, I felt a connection platonic/emotionally/brief sexual feelings. And I don't have an "Agenda."

[mhowe]

Is there a purpose to your graduate degree or are you just enjoying the academic experience for another round?