willis118 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 So I've been with my girlfriend a long while now, a few years, but there has always been this other girl at the back of my mind. This sounds terrible but bare with me, please. I used to be friends with her when we were younger and we have started talking again recently (not much, once a week maybe for an entire evening). I've always had a thing for her, like a huge thing, she's not the prettiest girl on the planet but I just really like HER. We're into similar things etc. I've gotten into a slump with my girlfriend where we're in the same routine and I can't shake it, sex doesn't necessarily appeal to me with her anymore either. We've always talked about getting married and having children and I've been really into it, until recently. It's like, I really want out, really, but I don't, and I can't. I love my girlfriend incredibly and I could never hurt her, but should I make myself miserable for the rest of my life just to make someone else happy? I keep thinking about this other girl, and I'm so happy when I talk to her. She knows I have a girlfriend. The crazy thing is, I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF SHE LIKES ME AT ALL. I've been so upset over the last couple of weeks and I just don't know what to do anymore! I can have a great time with my girlfriend when we're together, like we also like very similar things and all! Honestly I feel like a horrible human being because of this whole fiasco. I almost wish I wasn't around to even make this decision! (Don't worry, I'm not that stupid...) Can someone please interject? Thanks. Link to comment
Clinton Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Break up with your girlfriend as you don't love her. Then be on your own for awhile to figure yourself out. Don't rebound into a new relationship Link to comment
willis118 Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 I really wish it was that easy, I can't just break up with her. I wish that'd she'd fall out of love with me. It's her family as well! This is such a horrible situation to be in Link to comment
Smoothie58 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 It would be nice if life was so simple and other people could do the dirty work so you don't have to be the "bad" guy. But it isn't. The problem with your thinking is that you don't want to take any responsibility or blame for the end of this relationship but YOU are the one who wants it to end. You need to act as an adult and realize stringing along a person who you are no longer in love with is not fair to you or her. Yes, it's hard to end a relationship and yes, it's hard to have the family be disappointed and not be in their lives if you were close, but ultimately you are in for worse pain in the future. What happens in 10 years from now when you are potentially married to her and have kids? And you're still unhappy and you want to leave her. As hard as it is, you need to end it now and allow her to heal and find someone who wants to be with her. Not a guy who is with her just because he's too afraid to break up with her. That doesn't make you a good guy, it makes you a coward. The only other option is if you believe you can make this relationship work, you cut off all contact with the other girl and go to counseling with your current girlfriend. If you are uninterested in doing those two things, I think your relationship is over. This is coming from a person who has actually been in your shoes. I know it isn't easy, but it is the best thing to do. Link to comment
sleepingdonut Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Tell your girlfriend you have feelings for another girl. Then go from there. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 it sounds like you love her.. but are no longer 'in love' with her. Then why keep draggin it along? Whether you were to end up with this 'other' gal.. or not. Dont live a lie- in denial. And, as mentioned.. when it is dealt with.. do NOT run into another relationship right away. You're going to need some down time, on your own to work on 'accepting & healing' from the break up... So, maybe in a year or so, consider dating again. Link to comment
jobelle Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 1. We've always talked about getting married and having children and I've been really into it, until recently. It's like, I really want out, really, but I don't, and I can't. I love my girlfriend incredibly and I could never hurt her, but should I make myself miserable for the rest of my life just to make someone else happy? 2. Honestly I feel like a horrible human being because of this whole fiasco. 1. The answer is NO. You probably don't love her anymore as otherwise you would not be feeling like this. And NO you should not make yourself miserable to make her happy. It's unfair to her as she deserves to be with someone who does love her and does want to be with her. Also, sooner or later she will realize your feelings and she will be very unhappy in the relationship. It's unfair to you as you would sacrifice yourself. It's unfair to your future children as they would grow up in a severely unhappy home. Break up with her, you'll be doing both of you a favour even if it's HARD. I went through the same. Broke up with an amazing guy after 4 years together because I wasn't in love anymore. I felt horrible about it and I still feel guilty about it sometimes but I know now it was one of the best decisions I ever made. He has someone new now and hopefully she will give him the love he deserves. 2. The answer is NO. You are NOT a horrible human being. You fell out of love, unfortunately it happens. Chances are you were never completely in love with her as this girl was always in the back of your mind. Link to comment
Liraele Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 The grass is always greener...elsewhere. It's a cliche for a reason. Relationships go through peaks and valleys. If you have something exciting and interesting on the side during a valley, you're naturally going to have a lot of "what if" thoughts. Are you willing to throw away what you have for those thoughts? If you were 100% sure this girl was interested, would you bail on your girl without a second (or third) thought? I think these are the questions you need to sit yourself down and ask. To be willing to honestly answer. Your girl sounds like she deserves better, so either get your head out of your bum and give her 100%....or bounce. Don't be flakey about it. Link to comment
milkyway Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 only have one thing to say. YOU ARE AN AZZ! your gf deserves better! Link to comment
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