Over, but im forced to see her every day

[emptyeffort]

Hey,

 

im really lost and my recent breakup is killing me, and im in need of advice.

(male)

 

(im sorry if something very similar to this might have been posted numerous times)

 

last year i moved out of my parents house for university to another city far away from any family. after some time i got to know this girl that im basically in class with every day. we took a liking to each other incredibly fast. it sounds stupid but we fit together very well. ive never found a person that fits me so well like her. she was literally my other half. we were both really happy for a while. but there were 2 problems and to be honest ik this wouldnt last a lifetime even if i really wished for it but i hoped atleast for the duration of university to get my degree without having to go through this now.

 

1. her parents: they wouldnt alow it. shes from another country and the parents want a guy of the same ethnicity for her. that means for the whole duration (~6 months) we kept it secret. it was no problem for me but it wasnt easy for her to be lying to her parents like that. it meant: she goes with me and leaves her entire family and everything associated with it or she stays with them and cant be with me.

2. she was broken from the guy she had a crush on before me. she was really hung up on him until she met me. but she really seemed to have gotten over him and fell in love with me.

there is alot of backstory to her family that i wont go into detail because it takes way too long and i wouldnt remember everything now. but believe me when i say (atleast she thought) that this is real love. there was too much involved for it to not have been.

 

before i go on. shes a good person. she didnt ever play me and we were always 100% honest to each other. im not saying this cz im still in love. she really still cares about me although she cant have a romantical relationship with me anymore.

 

and this is where it gets so frikkingly hard for me. its not like im "only" losing my girlfriend and the woman i love. im also losing my best friend and only friend in this city. we were best friends with a romantic relationship.

i would love to keep contact because its so hard for me to lose her. im alone here in a small apartment and i didnt really make friends. im also not in contact anymore with the friends i had back in normal schooldays. (all studying in different cities anyway)

we chatted every day for multiple hours over the duration of the whole day. since we got together there wasnt a single day of pause. we talked about everything in our lives and we told everything to each other.

 

now she broke up. although she did really love me and didnt lie to me. she met that other guy she was hung up on on the street. and i guess old forgotten feelings arised again in her. she basically told me about it 30 mins after it happened and it was the worst night of my life.

we've talked about him before. she has seen pictures of him while we were together (sent to her by a friend). they even phoned for like 5 minutes like 3 times in the whole duration of our relationship but it never seemed to do anything to her until she saw him in real life. she just saw him from behind. they didnt talk and he didnt see her.

he also had cancer and had an accident where he supposedly lost part of his memory. thats why there were atleast those few minutes of contact.

 

she hates herself for feeling this way and it really kills her that shes doing that to me although she used to really love me and i gave her a 100%. shes not the one who got broken up with but she takes it really badly that she hurt me like this and she doesnt want to lose me either.

 

i would really love to keep her in my life (my best and only friend here) . but im afraid that that is probably a bad idea and that i will not manage to do that.

 

the problem is: we see each other every day in class. there is no: "stop contact get over it" to the level that might be needed. no matter if we text or not or if we do something privately or not. i see her 5 times a week for multiple hours. i'll hear her voice when she talks in class and depending on how we sit ill have to see her aswell.

 

i dont know what to do. shes literally the most important person to me ive ever met. and i think you only meet sb this fitting once.. if you are lucky. ik we wont get back together again no matter how much i wish for it. but i need to deal with this situation somehow. i feel like dying knowing that im probably going to lose her as a friend aswell. she was so important to my life and she gave me some hours of happiness when we met during the week. they were the highlights of my week and i always looked forward to the next time. i may have started to have some kind of light depression before i met her and being with her helped me alot. especially recently i felt like it got alot worse with me and not seeing her for days or a whole week (due to time table and other stuff) pulled me down alot. she made me forget the sadness that i had for a few hours and made me really happy.

 

the only good friends i have are online friends (partially from real life aswell) with which i have been talking, having fun and playing games for up to 5 years on a daily basis. i dont drink alcohol and maybe therefore im not a fan of partying in clubs or anything.

and unfortunately im certainly not in the mood to play any games. as soon as i start one i start thinking of her again (i do all day anyway) and i lose the will and switch it off again.

 

i know what i said abouther being a good girl and caring about me and blabla might seem stupid. but its really how it is. i was her first boy friend aswell and i know her 100%. and that she got together with me even with her general and family situation was a miracle.i was the first one she opened up to like this and she never intended on getting together with anyone but her own "folk". maybe this relationship was doomed from the start. and going into it i knew there was only a small chance of us staying together after university but i took the risk. and in the end it ended because of other unforeseen stuff.

she had a pretty ty life with highly verbal, psychological and physical abusive parents which are very strikt and never really allowed her to live life how she wanted even tho she is older than 18. its just now how it works there.

 

im not sure about my psychological condition in that regard but i do know from getting to know her and especially what we talked about in the last few months that she has a fairly strong case of depression. but as good as a person she is, she is way too proud to seek for help with that. ive talked to her about that recently and i know that she knows. but she wont seek help.

 

im hoping you guys can give me advice on how to deal with this situation right now. if you think i can keep her as a good friend in my life or if i should try to stop it even tho im forced to see her every day.

i know that with (alot of) time it will get better, that i will eventually get over her and that obviously alot of people go through this in a break up. but it is the first time for me and the general stuff i read on the internet mostly doesnt seem to fit my situation.

i will see a doctor soon for my possible depression ive had for a while that just mightve been caused by the thyroid dysfinction i have, to atleast get rid of that issue.

 

it goes without saying that im periodically crying every day since it happened. and the one day i didnt i got my first panic attack ever when i thought: "seemed to be ok today, i dont want to go back to the pain i felt." i had to leave my flat and go for a walk in the middle of the night because i got really nervous and started to breath rapidly uncontrollably.

 

im sorry for the wall of text and hope there will be some helpful advice.

 

thanks in advance

[kbbcoop77]

Well you were her rebound. Not much you can do unless you can change schools so I would put all my effort into school work and definitely forget friendship with her as you're hung up on her. Doctor may help with some anti depressants for a bit, Xanax helped me in the early days as did physical activity, gym, etc. Sorry I know it sucks ..just have to go through it and remember it was destined to end anyways with her parents saying no.

[SooSad33]

"she was broken from the guy she had a crush on before me. she was really hung up on him until she met me. but she really seemed to have gotten over him and fell in love with me"

- Sadly, she sounds rather lost & confused.

 

As mentioned, you were like her rebound. She wasn't ready to move on in a healthy manner. Still stuck on her last bf.

As well, her family etc.

 

It just wouldn't have worked out for you two as a 'couple'.

 

The best thing for you to do is steer away from her as much as possible to get her out of your head.

Goto your classes, focus on that and leave.

 

You should maybe try & look into other things to do there.. get out more, go for walks.

Can you join something there.. a sport? or look into a hobby... instead of sitting in those 4 walls all the time.

 

Also.. yes, some prof help can also help you along if it's affecting you that badly.

 

Sorry you're hurting.. i know Break ups aren't easy at all.