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Letting go of the good times FOR GOOD :(

Wafils

By Wafils
in Relationship Advice

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Wafils

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My ex and I have been separated for 1.5 yrs. We get in sporadic touch here and there where he proposes meeting up and getting back together. He's been living 2.5 hours away (which was a big issue) and will soon be moving closer to me, more like 40 min. I get caught up in this cycle of wanting so bad for things to work out but they don't because I feel like the things that hurt us don't ever change. I mean, even geographically, all I ever wanted was to stay close to my family and career here in our hometown. His career is more portable but he has this idea that to "make it" he doesn't want to stay in his hometown.

 

So knowing that he's moving closer, I'm tempted to see him, since I miss him so d.am.n much. Everywhere I go in my city, there are constant reminders of happier times together. I just can't avoid these places. It sucks because it hurts and all I want to do is talk to him about it. But at the same time, I don't really trust him. We've lived so far apart for so long now and he's been known to be deceptive about some minor things (not cheating, etc) in the past. Also I just have trust issues in general. Basically, it comes down to, love just ain't enough, and I have to move on.

 

I've tried dating (some nice, some very weird), and it just doesn't help. All I think about is him, and I get bummed. We were best friends for nearly 7 years and also had a great physical relationship, since we were on the same page as far as frequency, etc. I think of those times. A lot. But more important, he was my rock in so many hard times..but there were a few times too many he wasnt, or couldn't be. He's just not the most stable person for me, always jumping from one idea or dream or city to the next.

 

Anyways, this isn't going anywhere, right? My trust issues frustrate him, his inability to communicate as I need frustrates me, and that's that. How do I truly let go of someone I still deeply love with all these reminders hanging out all around me?

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Wafils Apprentice

Wafils

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Are u sure u don't want to try again? U seem more interested in hoping for another chance. Maybe u have both changed in the last few years. Something u might want to think about it.

 

In my dreams, in my heart, I'd love to try again, even just to "relive" the happiest times. But my mind knows otherwise. He...insists he'd love to be with me, should of married me, wants to go house shopping together in his new town. But, yet, he can be completely unresponsive for days at a time. I don't hear from him, get hurt, and I've talked to him about it but he just doesn't see the problem..he's "busy" or "doesn't want to bug me." Well he knows clearly what I want. I'm sick of waiting for his responses, sick of feeling second to his career. I want better...but the memories ache deeply.

 

I also like mhowe's advice, lord knows I've tried! I guess it requires even more time and just...somehow I have to figure out how to let go.

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Wafils Apprentice

Wafils

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I can't believe how much pain I still feel over this person, I haven't seen in so long. He emailed about getting together next week (during mid day, lunch) and I responded ok, we can be casual and just have fun and not talk about serious stuff. That was Monday. He didn't respond. I texted him last night to see what he thought and he said he was studying, couldn't talk. He said it was nice to hear from me. Nothing today. I am driving myself crazy. Is he doing this intentionally or does he just not care? I think I'd he responds I will just blow him off...time to block and ignore why do people who Claim to love us hurt us so bad..

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