Heartbrok3n445 Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I haven't been on here for a while but thought I'd come by and tell my story to maybe give hope to someone going through what I went through. My ex and I have now been broken up for just over 4 months now. Go read my old posts - I was a mess, an absolute pathetic mess. I thought I had lost everyone. I had to move back home, see him flirting with everything and hearing him say bad things about me. I truly gave him everything I could and it was thrown back in my face. Now my relationship was crappy from the start. I always knew that - but I thought that was just how it is. Everyone has flaws, no relationship or person is perfect. He didn't treat me the best, but I let him get away with it. I ended up a very depressed, miserable person in the relationship which only worsened when we broke up as I felt he was my happiness - even though he was the very thing making me unhappy. I was a mess for a good 6 weeks. I started to get better slowly but was still absolutely missing him and wanting him back. I couldn't see any negatives about him and blamed myself entirely. I was always making excuses for him. I struggled at work. I was completely heartbroken and it was probably the most hardest experience I had gone through. But holy did I grow as a person. I still cannot tell you how or why it happened, but one day I woke up and didn't care anymore. I hadn't moved on 100% but I was over it. I didn't care for what he was doing or if we would get back together or not. After a week or two I checked his facebook just to see if I would get jealous or upset. I saw a post implying he had someone new and I felt nothing. Literally did not feel anything. It was so crazy to think I was moving on. I got better at work. People started commenting on how they'd never seen me so happy before and that they could see the light in my eyes. I completely changed as a person. I was more chilled out, stronger, didn't let the small stuff bother me and had more respect for myself than I ever had. I knew my value and I knew that my relationship ending was the best thing to ever happen to me. I felt almost greatful for my ex. I was so thankful for the experience because I was so happy with the person I was. I had never felt that during our relationship. I was happier than I had ever been in my life. After a while I met someone. I clicked with him instantly. He was everything I could have ever wanted in a person and I honestly did not believe that this type of love and relationship was possible. He is literally the boy version of me. The love that I feel for him makes me question anything I ever felt for my ex. I was completely over my ex when I met him and went into this relationship knowing what I would not ever put up with. I know what I'm worth now. It does scare me because I cannot even describe the amount of love I feel for my boyfriend. People say when you know, you know, and I feel like that but of corse who knows what the future holds. My ex and I had a joint loan together which I may have mentioned in one of my original posts. Well, great news - we were able to split it eventually! Now I have no ties to my ex. When we went to try to split the loan again (first time was when we very first broke up but were unsuccessful in getting approved) he asked me to chat to him. He was a at the start - trying to make me jealous and being very over the top about how great his life is. It didnt bother me at all and I was happy for him. He ended up begging me to stay and talk to him and completely apologised for everything he ever did to me. He said he understood what he did and what he lost, how he wishes he could change things and regrets how he treated me during and after our relationship. We had a great talk about what we were up to now and actually was nice to be able to say we are civil. We aren't friends and we never will be. But it's nice to know we have no hard feelings and I can talk postively of him and hope that his life is positive and good. I'm so happy with my life in every way and I never thought I'd get there. Everyone says it and you never believe it but IT DOES GET BETTER. It may take a few weeks or a few months or longer, but you will get there. And I will forever be thankful for my ex because not only am I the person I am now because of that experience, but I have met one of the best people I have ever known. Stay positive and try to look forward to the future. Xxx Link to comment
Reade4healing Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I really needed to read this. Congrats on your progress and the happiness that you are feeling. Link to comment
Heartbrok3n445 Posted September 9, 2015 Author Share Posted September 9, 2015 No worries, I enjoyed reading stories of people moving on when I was going through my break up so thought maybe mine would help some people too. It's super hard and everyone says the same thing which be annoying - but it's true! I saw a girl at work the other day who broke up with her boyfriend and it was so surreal. Literally looking at me 4 months ago. You think you'll never get there but you will. And trying to staying positive helps amazingly! Once I changed my mindset everything else really started to change as well. Good luck! Xx Link to comment
Butterflyxx Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Congratulations! I love reading people's stories like this, it gives you hope! Please could I have some advice? I'm going through a breakup currently and I don't feel it's the 'right time' to move on. Have you experienced that? And if so, how did that change over time? Link to comment
Heartbrok3n445 Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 What do you mean by the 'right time'? Like you just don't feel ready or you don't think you should? How long were you together/who broke up with who, etc? Link to comment
Butterflyxx Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 No I don't feel ready to move on. We technically had a mutual breakup as he started becoming cold and distant, and we both decided it was best to breakup. We were together for a year, but known one another for 3 years and were very close. Everyone of my friends and family see how badly he treated me, and I guess I can see it too but I just don't feel ready to move on. Link to comment
Heartbrok3n445 Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 How long have you been broken up for? You will get there. My friends and family all saw how bad my ex treated me as well but I was always making excuses and thought things like 'well if i hadn't done this, if I was more like this, etc'. It's not healthy. You really need to look outside of your relationship and try to understand what others see. Yes, every relationship is different and no one from the outside can really judge it as they are not in it. But one thing I've learned from my past relationship compared to now is that it is not normal for someone to treat you badly. A relationship should have mutual respect and trust, etc. When you've never experienced that, it's hard to believe that what you already have is 'normal' It also takes growing, which you will do. I really changed through my break up and became a much stronger person. Through that I realised how weak and unhappy I was during the relationship and I never wanted to be that way again. You need to give yourself time but you also need to help yourself move on which is really hard but just focusing on yourself, not associating with him, etc will help. Link to comment
Butterflyxx Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 Thank you so much for that advice! It really made things clearer for me. It has been 2 months since we broke up. I see him around a lot so it's quite difficult at times. Link to comment
Lucia Amman Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 Great story Heartbrok3n! Link to comment
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