El3216 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Like the title says.. My girlfriend of 1 year that I currently live with switched a contact in her phone to someone else. The person: this guy she dated before her and I were together. I read through the messages and that's how I found out. I read them because for the last few days I kept noticing her message this random person I've never heard of before. The opportunity presented itself so o snooped. I asked her who the person was and she said it was a female co worker... (unisex name). She doesn't know I know she lied yet. The dilemma I am feeling is the messages were not inappropriate and I wasn't bothered by the topics of their on going conversation. I'm bothered that she felt the need to hide it from me.. And then lie to cover it up. Has anyone been in my shoes? My instincts are clouded and I don't know that if ending the relationship is my only option here. For the record I have caught her lying to me before about small petty stuff before involving her ex who started to text her a lot when he was trying to get back into her life. She never let him on but she still lied and I caught her Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Without trust a relationship cannot move forward. And this is all bout her ex. Cut her loose. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 I regret saying you have to end it. The act of lying is the issue, not the guy. It means she would rather lie -take the easy way out - than live authentically. This can become a real problem in ways that seem silly, but eat away at a relationship. In my own life, an example of this: my exH told me he put the recycling in the recycling can, when in fact he threw it all together with the trash into the trash bin. Even though we went to the trouble of separating it inside the house he couldn't be bothered with the two bins when he took it out. He lied about this more than once; I knew he was lying, wouldn't change, and dropped it. But it decreased my respect for him. Over time, I can no longer tell what was / is true, but I have my ideas. I can't have meaningful conversationso anymore because I assume all of the facts are twisted to create whatever impression he desires. This is what lying does, even when about things that are not very meaningful. I recommend facing this unfortunate truth and redirecting your energy elsewhere. Link to comment
BMP2CPM Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 The emotional connection she had to you is lost forever. Break up and date multiple women. Date younger too. Only after lot's of dates do you even think about making one your girlfriend. Vet all of your dates too. Link to comment
HLnoelle Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Even though the context of the conversations may be innocent, the very fact that she changed the contact name means to me it is not innocent behavior otherwise why feel the need to hide it? You wouldn't. In my opinion I see breaking up as the only option here. Clearly they have a history together that has not had closure, so it is continuing which isn't fair to you. I would leave. Good luck. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 She deceived you. I would ask her why. Then I would be on my merry way...... chi Link to comment
sargon Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Doesn't matter what the texts were about. She can no longer be trusted, this one is history. If you're looking for people on here to tell you otherwise, you're going to be disappointed. Oh and forget about confronting her, nothing she tells you will make any difference. She'll say "it was harmless and I knew you'd be mad" or something along those lines. She deceived you. I would ask her why. Then I would be on my merry way...... chi I would be on my way without asking. Much better message. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 When people lie about stuff like this, they always say they lied to spare YOUR feelings. Which is another lie. They lie so they don't have to deal with you getting mad at them. It's about THEIR feelings, not yours. If you do ask her, be prepared for her to say something like "I knew you'd be mad, so I didn't tell you. I did it so YOU wouldn't get hurt", which...see my comments above. Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 I had a serial liar for a girlfriend years ago. It was ridiculous, she lied about the stupidest crap. When we finally broke up I didn't even really care it was more a relief. I would just end it now and save yourself the headache. Link to comment
El3216 Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 I confronted her and she straight up denied it. Like I was a crazy person LOL Link to comment
boltnrun Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Well, now you know for a fact she's a liar. Link to comment
sargon Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 I confronted her and she straight up denied it. Like I was a crazy person LOL Now that you did that don't you wish that you didn't confront her at all and just walked away? You ARE going to walk away, right? Link to comment
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