Frustrated with healing process.

[snoopygal]

I feel like I've done a great deal of healing in the last couple of weeks since moving out. I still have ups and downs, and living alone is going to take getting used to. It's been a little over 2 months since the breakup, and he had a girlfriend at one month. The last couple of days have been a complete roller coaster. One minute I'm down because I miss him. The next I'm so angry with him, one month, are you kidding me? And the next I'm happy, because we did fight a lot towards the end, and it feels good not to have that stress anymore. It is so frustrating, I just want my feelings to balance out.

 

I know it turned into an unhealthy relationship, and even though I'm still hurting and healing, I can see that us breaking up was the right thing to do. It just makes me so mad that he's moved on. We were together for 5 years. After one month, he has moved on to what looks like a serious relationship, and seems to be extremely happy. (I only know this because I still lived there until a couple weeks ago.) I do love him, and I want him to be happy and to feel loved. On the other hand, why did it have to be so soon? Before anyone gets worked up -I'm not going to contact him- but I can't help but wonder if he thinks about me. Surely a person can't have a relationship like we did, then suddenly forget about the other person. I know ultimately it doesn't matter if he thinks about me anymore or not, it wouldn't change anything.

 

I know in the big picture, 2 months is not long, and I still have a while to go. Today I just feel really frustrated about the whole situation.

[mhowe]

There is a huge distance between "thinks about me" and "forgetting me".

 

I am sure memories pop up every now and then, but is he thinking about you or the endless fighting...no. He is focused on his new lady.

[Dottieflanogon]

I wish there was a formula to know when it was time to heal.

The main thing that gets me going is knowing I can always have a stronger bond with the next one and the lessons I learn from each broken relationship.

[blanco]

I don't know why people think it's abnormal to not be healed from a YEARS-long relationship in a matter of weeks or months. Honestly, unless there was something such as abuse or infidelity, I think it's a bit weird for someone to "be over" a LTR in a short amount of time.

 

I'm about six months out from mine and only within the last five or six weeks have I really felt like I was seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. Trust me, it feels like an ETERNITY, but this person and her children meant a great deal to me. It was the most stressful time of my life, but I will never forget the impact they all had on me and my life. Why wouldn't that be something that was difficult to move on from?

[Chasing Peace]

I don't think it is fair to yourself to think you should think there is a time frame to be over something that meant so much at one time. It's a grieving process. Not to be a downer, but the average grieving time is about three years. Some people it doesn't take that long, others it takes longer. I have been a little over a year out of mine and I still have days of anger--exhibit A: Post here instead of texting ex. I had to vent and it felt good to do it here rather than send or tell her. By doing it here, I don't hurt her and keep the guilt for what I missed and didn't do that could re-fuel the anger at it all.

 

It's a process..unfortunately...but there is no time frame...just be good to yourself and give yourself a break and break down and cry, or yell, cuss, etc. Whatever you need to do. Just don't judge or be hard on yourself for having days that aren't so good. I like to write--one thing that came back after we broke up. I wrote explosive emails that were plenty hurtful...but somewhere creative writing come back into my writing and I have been writing some really good stuff. A lot different from what I used to write...i think my writing now has depth to it where it didn't before..because the emotions are raw. What is it that you like to do to express yourself? Let it flow and develop and you might surprise yourself at how healing and freeing it is.