Starting to wonder

[Jetta]

If men care anything about a person or if it's just about having sex, making babies, what have you. Honestly is sex all they really care about?

 

Maybe I'm just in a bad state of mind today. I got hit on by some freakish guy IN FRONT OF his WIFE! Initially it was all normal complimentary stuff that I just politely said thank you. I thought he was just being friendly. Oh that was a mistake. He later progressed into wanting to make babies with me and stating that he'd be a good provider. This man is slightly older than my parents! I was shocked, and I know I didn't handle it well but my God who says that?

 

I hate feeling like a piece of meat so much so I've actually gained a lot of weight and still get hit on. Not all guys are freakish like this one, but I really wonder what the hell I'm doing or not doing that brings on this kind of attention.

 

I am married to a said "nice guy" who has nothing in common with me, rarely converses with me, rarely takes me anywhere, hasn't been a good provider, but will show up to get some if he's so inclined. Is this all life is about? Get married, have a child, and end up being the sex toy?

 

It's not that I haven't enjoyed sex, I just want there to be more. It all feels so meaningless to me.

[RayKay]

if it's just about having sex, making babies, what have you. Honestly is sex all they really care about?

 

Well, I will let the guys answer this...but no, it's not. There are men out there who absolutely love the woman they are with (mine included!) who make her feel desirable not just for their bodies, or how good they are in the sack but for the whole of her. Yes, the sex is awesome, but it is about so much more than that - the emotional intimacy, the chemistry, the warmth, the little things he does that mean the world to me..but are so minute to the outside eye they may have no idea.

 

Get married, have a child, and end up being the sex toy?

 

So, not there is more to it....DEFINITELY more to it! Take responsiblity for your own happiness, and the rest will follow...there are many great men out there, but you need to feel you deserve them and in fact demand nothing less than a great man, and you will be rewarded. But be responsible for your own happiness first...even the greatest man in the world can't MAKE you happy if you are not already there within yourself.

[swift44]

trust me it isnt just about sex with all guys it differs among people,

[Mintyfresh]

there are different types of people out there

 

Some do things seemingly randomly, some are very deliberate in thier actions. Some regard sex as the most important thing in a relationship and some regard true love over all else (yeah im a male and of the latter of this statement, which isn't a very masculine quality and probably why not many guys are willing to admit to it.) Sex is nice and all and important in a relationship, but i find it ultimately meaningless if im not absolutely head over heels for the girl.

 

But you have to remember that just as there's men out there who think love is more important than sex and don't like admitting it, theres a lot of women out there who are just the opposite and view sex as the most important thing in the world and doesn't matter if they really love thier partners or not. They of course aren't fast to admit this because they will be branded with the term s*ut.

 

Well these types of people are fortunately (and unfortunately in many cases) attracted to a certain type of person. The women who want a man that loves them and will make them the center of thier universe aren't nessecerilly really mentally attracted to that type of man and this is where the problems occur.

 

Maybe you're just attracted to the wrong type of guy.

 

So i guess to answer your question are there men out there who regard other things as being more important about a woman than thier bodies and men out there who regard love as being infinately more important than sex .... well yes of course theres plenty and these are the men that woman don't usually go for because lets face it their ideals aren't masculine and straight women are naturally attracted to "manly men" and ultimately keep winding up with significant others they don't really want.

 

My advice if you weren't already in a commited relationship would be to go for a more sensitive man you aren't INITIONALLY as attracted to as you would be to one who will ultimately wind up ignoring you.

 

Hopefully that provides some insight to the male gender.

[mtastic]

Jetta,

 

First off, there are guys out there who feel there's more to a relationship than just sex. I'll admit I don't have much relationship experience (be it emotional or sexual) and would definitely be considered a "lonely guy," but personally I look forward to having an emotional connection with someone as much as a physical one. Now granted, there are alot of guys out there who are only interested in sex, but i'd like to think there are also alot of guys out there who want companionship and love as well.

 

Now, as for the guy that hit on you, it sounds like he was just a creep. I don't think there was anything on your part that would have stopped him, some people just can't control themselves, or have no respect for others. Sadly there isn't alot that can be done about these people, aprt from trying to not let them get to you.

 

As far as the issue with your husband, I'll leave that to others to advise you on. As I said i have little relationship experience, so i wouldn't know where to begin.

 

I'm going through a bit of a bad patch with life myself (completely different circumstances then yours) which is leading me to question some things, so if you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM or IM me.

 

Hope i helped a little,

mtastic

[chai714]

I hate feeling like a piece of meat so much so I've actually gained a lot of weight and still get hit on

 

I agree that he disrespected his wife by hitting on you and going to the extreme by saying he wants to make babies with you.

 

The quote above concerns me though. Are you saying you intentionally gained weight because you don't want to be seen as attractive by men?

[DN]

I am married to a said "nice guy" who has nothing in common with me, rarely converses with me, rarely takes me anywhere, hasn't been a good provider, but will show up to get some if he's so inclined. Is this all life is about? Get married, have a child, and end up being the sex toy?

 

Suppose he wrote in to us and said:

 

I am married to a said "nice girl" who says she has nothing in common with me but married me anyway, rarely converses with me, always complains because she expects me to be the one to take her out but never takes me out; complains because I don't earn enough money, which humiliates me; and expects me to initiate sex all the time. Is this all life is about? Get married, have a child, and end up being complained at all the time for being useless as a man?

[Jetta]

Well I'd say you have a point if I wasn't the one who initiated all the outings. I can't tell you the last time he did, and when he does agree to go out he's usually pissed at me for one reason or another and spends the evening conversing with our 2 year old.

 

As for my weight gain. Well there's numerous reasons behind that but one is I was tired of being treated like a piece of meat rather than a person.

[cleverme123]

Well here is goes, I will try not to be too harsh. First off your husband/boyfriend sounds like a jerk. He leaves and goes out to hang out where ever because he is mad. Okay, total lack of respect for you there. As for having sex making babies, and being a sex toy. He doesn't want responsibility to you let alone a kid. He is still a child himself.

 

As far as the guy hitting on you, let me be the first to tell you I sale cars for a living and if you want to find out how many jerks there are get in that profession.... I have had numerous guys hit on me in front of their wife/girlfriend, like it was nothing. So instead of taking as being an object or a piece of meat I just play it up and off. Quite frankly I like getting the attention but that doesn't mean I am a four letter word beginning with an s. I often joke with the wifes or whatever also and everyone gets more comfortable. If you want to shut him up real quick, next time he hits on you say something to his wife like, Is your husband always obnoxious with you present?

 

My husband respects me, and yes he flirts with other women in front of me also. I always know what he is doing, and he tells me what he is doing. The difference is I am secure in myself to know who he comes home to every night and the fact of the matter is he loves and cares about me not these giddy women trying to fall at his feet.

 

Let me ask you this: How do you feel about yourself? Do you think your self esteem is low? IT sounds to me as though you are a bit insecure with yourself. I use to be too, I will be the first to tell you I am not a skinny little tooth pick, but I get plenty of attention. Gaining weight to try to deter men from hitting on you just doesn't happen. Different men have different preferences so unless they are dead, you can pretty much figure you will meet a few jerks. Don't take it so personally, be proud they stopped what they were doing to hit on you. Turn it around, start making yourself feel like the best thing that lived, walked, and breathed. Do things to make you happen and don't blame other people for the way you feel.

 

You can always get a new husband or at least take a break until he realizes he is being a jerk and neglecting you. Hope it helps.

[Jetta]

Thanks Clever, yes you helped.

 

I am now working on getting back in shape, starting a new career, strongly considering a divorce. So I'm in the mending process. I was just shocked by how forward this older guy was. He did a pelvis shake thing even! When he was being complimentary I did ask his wife if he's always like this, she nodded. But even that took it over the edge for her, she left him there.

 

My self-esteem did take beating with my 1st husband. Long story. But I portray myself as confident and bubbly (especially drunk). My inner feelings only come through in posts and if people start asking questions while I've been drinking. I'm generally a happy person. Just a deep thinker.

[cleverme123]

Glad I was able to help, I know I am young but I have had huge issues to deal with in my 27 years around. I hope that you can get yourself back to feeling good about yourself and taking care of you and your child. Those are the two most important things at this point. Be lucky you have that chance