1 year post break up :)

[hopefulandhurt]

hi everyone,

i just wanted to come back and write a positive post to this community because i would have never gotten through my breakup last year without this site. to summarize briefly, my boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me seemingly out of the blue for what a lot of people would consider "GIGS". we had started dating at 15 and at 23, he was wondering what else was out there, if i was "the one", and telling me he would always regret not taking the time to date other people while we were so young. i was absolutely devastated. i mean it when i say i thought no one had ever experienced heartbreak like i did. i couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, was completely obsessed with finding any success story about reconciliation. i read about nc and tried to stick to it but i could never go more than a week or two without cracking. my ex always answered me. sometimes he was cold and told me to move on, others he told me he loved me and this was "temporary" and "not the end". about 3 months post breakup, he started dating someone exclusively. i think that pain was even worse than the initial breakup. i felt like i couldn't function. i couldn't focus at work, it was all i could talk about. im embarrassed to admit but for the next 3 months i would still text him. i would ask him about his new relationship and if he thought it would last. his responses were mixed. everything from he's happy to he loves me and this is just new and exciting for right now.

 

around 2-3 months after i found out about his relationship, something snapped in me. i had run into my ex out with a group of friends and he looked so happy. it occurred to me that he wasnt not eating and not sleeping and obsessing over our past. he had moved on and was happy. against all advice on this forum, i wrote him a long goodbye letter and gave it to him in person. i spent 7 years with this person and thought i would marry him. i wrote everything i ever wanted to say - what i loved about him, what i hated, and told him i had waited 6 months for him to mess around and i was finally ready to walk away and let go. he read it and cried and told me he still didnt know what the future held, that he loves me, but right now he can't give me the commitment i wanted. so i decided to move on. i channeled all my energy into it. i hadn't fully accepted it was really over until then, but i never contacted him again. i changed my hairstyle, i treated myself with retail therapy, manicures, massages, etc. - whatever i could do to make myself feel better. I started spending way more time in the gym and i reconnected with so many girlfriends. i started binge watching shows to distract myself from obsessing over these forums. i consciously decided that i would move on whatever it took.

 

about 2 months after that (~months post breakup), i was feeling much better. i definitely wouldnt say i was "over it", but i felt ready to date. a friend of mine set me up on a blind date. she had told the guy my situation and that i was just starting to get back out there and wasnt necessarily looking for anything serious. but i went on that date, and it was truly love at first sight. the connection was instant. we started dating shortly after. he was very patient and took things slow with me and i was very up front in that i was still recovering and was definitely a bit guarded. almost 5 months later and i am so in love and so happy. my new boyfriend treats me much better than my ex ever did. he is considerate and thoughtful and so appreciative of me and i have a security and confidence in my relationship that i never even knew my old relationship was lacking. i truly couldn't be happier and it was the most unexpected turn of events.

 

as for my ex, i have run into him a few times. we are always friendly and happy to see each other. he reached out when he heard i had a boyfriend to tell me he was happy for me. but we do not have any contact other than that. i don't want to focus on the past and just keep moving forward. i have no bitter feelings; it was for the best that it didnt work out and he was a great guy and i have some very special memories from the relationship, but i would pick my new boyfriend over my ex every single time.

 

my advice for you going through a break up right now is just to be patient and kind to yourself. it will all be ok in the end. time will help. don't beat yourself up if you break nc once in a while or if you need to stay in all night and cry even 6 months post break up. i made a lot of "mistakes" along the way in terms of my recovery but i got through it with no regrets. i did absolutely everything i could to save my past relationship but it just wasnt meant to be and i didnt learn that until i truly let go. the key to surviving a breakup is to do what makes you happy. i started focusing on work, spending a lot of time with family and friends, reading, learning to cook, etc. when i met my new boyfriend, i was happy with myself and ready to let him in. everyone needs to take their own path.

 

for those of you just starting on this journey, it will be a long and tough road. but i did so much self growth and self recovery this year and i actually thank my ex for that. i am with someone truly appreciative of me and i also know that i am a strong, and capable person who can be happy single as well. i grew up a lot this year.

 

thanks to everyone on ENA for all the advice and for letting me vent! its strangely comforting to think about how many other people around us are experiencing the same feelings!

[Butterflyxx]

That was so beautiful!

It's so great to hear that you're happy now!

Reading this is such an inspiration for everyone going through such a tough time.

Thank you for sharing this post and I wish you all the best in the future x

[janut1]

This is a great story and Im sure so many people can relate to it. You moved on much quicker then I could of though after such a long relationship. But each person moves at there own pace through a breakup.

 

I hope all works out good with your new BF. Take it one day at a time and try to stay grounded as much as you can.

 

Good luck!

[rosie30]

Thankyou, You are so strong...I am just starting out and everything seems black. I hope I can be as strong as you. All the best xx