Down a spiral for no reason

[BHeartedGirl]

I have a tendency to say more than what's needed so I'll try to keep the story short and get straight to the Point. I haven't posted in a while because, well, I've been in a great place. After my share of bad relationships I took necessary time to focus on me and what could really be the problem. Not dating for about a year and then starting the job I've wanted, and better than that, since college I've been a great place for over a year. In January I started dating a guy that is so amazing. I never had anyone make me feel the way he makes me feels. He made me feel amazing and wasn't afraid to tell me exactly how he feels. Always kept it honest regardless of topic and also told me about he wasn't the best guy in his past. But eventually dated someone who changed that, but that relationship was just wrong time. Anyways, things have been going great. And I hate to be cliche but having the past I have I cant help but look over my shoulder. But every time I question anything he addresses it before j need to. We have opposite schedules, he works overnight and I work60 hours during the week. So the weekends we don't leave each other's side. Lately, since the end of June we have spent a lot more time together because I finally moved into my own place after staying at home and he moved to a place so we stayed maybe 10 minutes from each other. After our first vacation together we started spending just about every night together except those he had to work. I have no reason to suspect anything, his ex that he dated before me lives on the other side of the country. There was one time I saw that he checked her Facebook page. Seriously not that big of a deal, if my exes were on Facebook consistently I might check too. But it made me raise an eyebrow because we just had a conversation how important it is to let your past go so you can develop with your future. I addressed it and he was honest, said she reached out to him and asked him to check her Facebook page for some type of website she posted (they are both in the same field) but I still didn't get why she had to contact him. Whatever? They aren't Facebook friends. But another thing was when I addressed it he was like " so you don't want me to have any contact with my past" uh... No? We just had this conversation.

 

Anyways, he was completely honest. But for some reason - and I don't even know if that was the reason why - I can't help but wonder if he's having certain thoughts about me. He hasn't changed the way he's acted towards me, we still spend the same amount of Time together. I want to stop thinking like this because I'm afraid I will lose literally the best thing I've ever had. I know I'm overthinking and creating scenarios that don't exist . It's my anxiety and depression giving me these thoughts. How do I make them stop? I don't want to ruin this

[Loriana]

It's lovely to hear you are in a great relationship.

 

I can understand if you've had bad luck in the past you would be looking over your shoulder I do it sometimes too myself. But what I've learnt to do is separate the past from the present. What happened in the past doesn't mean that it's going to happen again in the present.

 

If you got a good thing, but you're constantly looking over your shoulder waiting and expecting something bad to happen then you're only going to be unhappy. If you keep expecting something bad to happen then eventually it probably will.

 

i think this is a case of that you can't believe you have got this great guy in your life and you probably thought that would never happen for you. Well believe it because it's true, just have faith that it's all going to work out.

 

Don't let your mind create situations that aren't true, maybe try speaking to a therapist about this maybe he/she could give you some useful techniques that will help you to think differently.

[DoF]

If you go looking for problems, you will find them.

 

You said your relationship is great. Guy is putting in the effort and providing everything you need.

 

You were clear that "no contact with any Ex" is the rule/boundary in your relationship, he accepted it.

 

Let it be, he slipped a bit.....no one is perfect.

[TMifune]

Anyways, he was completely honest. But for some reason - and I don't even know if that was the reason why - I can't help but wonder if he's having certain thoughts about me. He hasn't changed the way he's acted towards me, we still spend the same amount of Time together. I want to stop thinking like this because I'm afraid I will lose literally the best thing I've ever had. I know I'm overthinking and creating scenarios that don't exist . It's my anxiety and depression giving me these thoughts. How do I make them stop? I don't want to ruin this

 

By recognizing them for what they are.

 

I'd consider talking to a therapist that specializes in anxiety. The thing is, this statement sets off alarm bells for me:

 

I never had anyone make me feel the way he makes me feels. He made me feel amazing

 

You feel amazing when you're with him. He doesn't make you feel anything. He's not responsible for the way you feel, you are! And I say that specifically because if, even at a subconscious level you attribute your feelings to him, then you're going to take all this anxiety and heap it on him, find a way to make it something that's wrong with him. It's not. It's your anxiety. You have to sit with it, you have to recognize it and come to grips with it, but it has everything to do with you and pretty much nothing to do with him.