Boyfriend is being selfish and doesn't see what's wrong with it?

[michiale]

Hey, so my boyfriend and I have been going out for a year and 8 months and the other day he asked me to watch something with him today and I said okay and then he didn't message me until 5PM because he was watching the football so whatever, I didn't really care about that and we Skype and we end up talking for an hour or so about something and we were enjoying ourselves and then we started talking about something important which took maybe a bit more than half an hour and he then tells me that his brother just invited him to go to his house and have a few beers, etc. so he decides to go before we watch what he wanted us to watch which would take less than an hour (he said we talked too much, whatever that even means) and I found (and still find) that really rude. He said we could watch it when he got back around 12AM and I obviously said I didn't want to watch it that late plus he was going to drink so I didn't want to talk to him whilst he was tipsy or whatever and I was really annoyed about it so when he came back at 12AM (he went at 7:30PM) I told him that it was really rude of him to ditch me like that when we had made plans and all he said was "I didn't know he was going to invite me to go to his house tonight" and then "I'm sorry it was rude" and nothing else when I told him that it doesn't matter, it's still rude.

 

We ended up being silent for a long while and I told him that I don't want him to apologise just to go and do it again another time and he says that it doesn't matter if we have made plans beforehand or anything, if something comes up on the day that he wants to do, he'll do it and he knows that's selfish but he just doesn't care and I told him that's taking me for granted because he thinks he can get away with making plans with me and then ditching me at the last moment as if I'm going to be there waiting for him or something. It's not a lot for me to ask him to follow through with our plans when we make some, specially if it's something simple like watching something together but he just keeps being selfish by saying he's going to do what he wants and it's really upsetting because it makes me feel like if he actually cared about me, he wouldn't be this selfish and would at least compromise like today I told him he could have watched what he wanted to watch together before he went and then go do whatever else he wanted to but he keeps making excuses and it makes me so angry and upset because it's like talking to a wall because he just doesn't seem to get how hurtful him saying and doing that is and I just don't know what else to do to make him understand or care enough to at least just compromise for me instead of just selfishly doing whatever he wants and breaking his word when we've made plans.

[annie24]

Welcome to ENA.

 

It sounds like this is a long distance relationship. Do you think he's just getting over it? How long has it been like this and are there plans to move closer together?

[michiale]

Thank you

 

Yes, it's become a LDR recently, he's always said the same thing so it's not just the LD thing (I hope). We want to live together when can since we've just finished university.

[DancingFool]

This is who he is. He is not going to change and become considerate. Can you really live with that? If yes, carry on. If not, then perhaps this is where you and him part ways.

[j.man]

It sounds like that, instead of watching an hour long thing, you two talked for 1.5 hours? Yes, you didn't watch the thing, but it sounds like you spent the time in a much more involved way. Maybe I'm thinking like a guy, but this doesn't sound all that selfish to me. Still, he apologized for being rude and you've kept it going.

 

He spent time with you and then he spent time with his brother. Cut the guy some slack.

[michiale]

It's okay, we've talked it through and come to an understanding, he apologised for having such a hurtful attitude ("I'm gonna do what I want") because he didn't mean it and knows he shouldn't have said that, it was just the drink talking when he was annoyed. We're both happy now and will work on being more accommodating to each other in the future.

[mhowe]

He is supposed to stay home and watch something on tv at the same time you do...instead of being with someone, his brother, in real life? That is absurd. Especially since you just spent an hour talking on the phone.