For those who are Struggling

[Man with Dog]

I'll also say that one thing that has held me back in life is that I have autistic traits. I've never pursued the idea of an "official" diagnosis because my doctor told me if I'm diagnosed, it would be harder for me to get and keep a job. If it makes sense, I'm not even sure I'm autistic enough to be "autistic". In many ways, I'm quite well adjusted but it was a big problem when growing up and I tend to be a bit defensive around people I don't know well. Not everybody I have met in life has been helpful or understanding and many have been downright rude or insulting.

[Misskitty16]

I am sorry, I wasn't trying to be antagonistic or imply who is "worse off". Forgive me if it came accross that way.

[Man with Dog]

I am sorry, I wasn't trying to be antagonistic or imply who is "worse off". Forgive me if it came accross that way.

 

I get the point. I've told myself many times in my life "at least I'm not as bad as John Doe or as bad as I was in 2004, etc" but counting my blessings doesn't help when I'm really down. I didn't feel you were suggesting I should be happier. Whilst, undoubtedly, poverty or simply being worse off than we've been in the past, is a cause of depression, it is (by far) not the only cause. I also have to admit that I've often fallen into the trap of "if only I could get xyz, I'll be happy".

 

I think a predisposition towards depression and lack of balance in life are the main causes.

 

I'm quite happy to answer why I get depressed but it's a very long story and many of the reasons are factors that are due to me and may not necessarily apply to others.

[Michael777]

What I find truly amazing is the capacity of a human body to absorb and to survive suffering.

When you ache all over year after year you would expect that your physical health would collapse - but not necessarily - this human frame lives on and on.

[Patrick974]

I know what mental illness is and lost fellows who first attempted suicide the hardcore way like jumping off the window and managed to recover and unfortunately did again and "succeded".

Hang in there, glad you feel better. Keep taking meds and next time psychotic state emerges again, go straight to the ER. You will be taken seriously.

[Misskitty16]

I know what mental illness is and lost fellows who first attempted suicide the hardcore way like jumping off the window and managed to recover and unfortunately did again and "succeded".

Hang in there, glad you feel better. Keep taking meds and next time psychotic state emerges again, go straight to the ER. You will be taken seriously.

 

What will they do? I mean, specifically? I know that is the best thing to do, but will they keep you there for days and days, give you shocks, etc.? Or do they just stabilize you and get you some meds/therapy and release you when they feel you are "safe"?

[Patrick974]

Usually xanax and mental institution if the psychiatrist thinks its necessary.

 

If you did attempt suicide like OP its not even debatable, you go straight to the mental house.

[Man with Dog]

Usually xanax and mental institution if the psychiatrist thinks its necessary.

 

If you did attempt suicide like OP its not even debatable, you go straight to the mental house.

 

A lot of it depends on where you live.

[lancelot873]

great post. thanks to Daisy for saving your life!!

[Man with Dog]

Just to say I'm making plans for the new year to tackle some stuff. OK, I can't un-do 50+ years of bad life but hope to be in a better place than I am now.

[WithLove]

I know you can do it, MwD. I've been silently lending you my support for a long time. I know you have the strength to be happier. You can do this.

[JaneyR]

I am suicidal, but not once did I forget about my family members and people who love me, or was convinced no one would miss me if I were gone. And that's hard too, knowing you can't move on and have your peace, you have to stay. But you're stuck in your situation, in your depression, you don't want this kind of life anymore. You're trapped. You have no where to escape. So you stay for them and inside you want to explode, or disappear, seize to exist, you want to pass the lifetime sleeping to avoid the suffering.

I'm in a constant battle with depression. I'm not all the way In, but I'm also not out. I have good days and I can feel good. But it's always there in the background waiting for a weak noment and I surrender time after time. So even though I have the good times and not just the bad, I still don't want this. I'm thinking to myself what kind of life am I going to have, constantly fighting this monster? It controls my life. It makes me screw up. Prevents me from going after my dreams or giving the appropriate effort to achieve them. And I don't even want to achieve anymore. It all just seems meaningless... lost it's point. Just not worth the effort and the suffering.

[anonymous34]

"I also get frustrated when people tell me it was such a selfish thing to do. They say things like 'don't we matter enough to stop you' and 'why don't you tell us when something is wrong' and my all time favorite 'you're a coward for wanting to take the easy way out.' What people fail to understand about someone in this state of mind is that EVERYONE else is not on the mind at that point and calling it the EASY way out is the most offensive thing I've now ever heard. It was not an easy decision to make at that time, and it has been the most difficult 5 months of my life after that day. So, nothing about it was easy."

 

You're so right. I know the feeling... I was also a skeptic growing up never understanding the suicidal mind thought process... a couple of months ago I was in a hospital undergoing treatment for want to kill myself... I just felt so alone ... with no one really there for me. It's like all your biggest fears and demons taking a hold of you... today i had a breakdown again.. i was on the floor weeping thinking about it... over and over and over again.. i also cut myself yesterday.. I am trying so hard to pull through ...i know its a state of mind... i also never been through so much pain during the times where i thought about it... Im glad that i decided to start an account here today... I tried to talk to a friend or two.. but i got no replies... i just feel like no one understands me... or people are so quick to judge me... I was never like this... the doctor thinks Im either bipolar or have borderline personality... i also suffer from depression.. but as the days progressed i feel im more of a ocd type when triggered.. Im glad I can finally start expressing myself without having to feel the shame of being judged from people who "think they know" what its like..