how can i move on?

[sprocc]

ok so this mite b a bit of a story but here goes - i was with my b/f for approx a year n a half, he was my whole life and i loved him with everything this was my first serious relationship and i did a lot of things wrong - i tried 2 spend 2 much time 2gether and didn't really have my own life and i think this may have been wat caused the breakup - he got sick of me. but anyways its been almost 4 mnths since the break up and i haven't handeled it very well and tried 2 contact him quite a bit and eventually the opportunity came up 2 stay at his place and this has happened quite a few times and i need 2 stop bcoz i don't think its allowing me 2 move on - everytime i stay he becomes the guy i loved n hes sweet n caring and acts like he did wen he loved me but i know its jst 4 sex and every time i go home and feel confused and hopefull that maybe we could get 2gether again but i don't think this is true, i think our reasons 4 staying the nite 2gether are different i think he just wants me 4 my body but i go bcoz i love spending time with him and i guess im scared that if i stop then i won't see him at all, but i know this is stupid reasoning bcoz if he truly still wants me as a friend then i wldnt need 2 stay. i guess im just insecure - i want someone 2 love me and care 4 me like he use 2 but he doesn't feel that way nemore - he does care but in the same way he use 2 and even tho with all my heart i want 2 i know i can't change this..... also his best friend is a girl and i've seen letters he's written 2 her and it makes me sad bcoz i just want him 2 feel that way about me and i torment myself over this but once again i feel stupid coz theres nothing i can do about it...... i want him in my life bcoz he's such an awsome person and i don' want 2 lose him but i think that by trying 2 keep him in my life and knowing how close he is with this other girl - something that i want but can't have - it's making me miserable...... i think i know wat i should do but im 2 scared 2 do it....... i would love some opinions if u can help or anything.....

[sonjam]

 

 

It's so sad. I know exactly how you feel. And yes, you are right, he's only using you for sex. I don't know from where you are going to get it, but you have to try to find the strength to stay away.

 

Find a new hobby, join the gym, join a club, or go for dance lessons. There's lots of ways to meet new people, you have to get your mind of him. AND the most important thing, next time he calls, be BUSY - and don't go. TRUST ME this is the best way to do it. On the one hand, this will make you stronger to resist the temptation, and will be able to move forward. You will look back in a few months and say to yourself "what was I thinking???" and not believe you could do someting so stupid. You will laugh about it. I Promise.

 

Being busy will also make him realise you are not at his beck and call anymore, he's losing his hold on you, and two things could happen. He could loose interest, or you could become interesting.

 

Take the chance and take your life back from him!

[twelve]

Yeh and if he looses interest, it was never meant to be and he would keep using you/taking advantage of you.

That would only eat away at you.

Short periods of happiness giving way to you feeling terrible.

But more likely, you will become interesting, and he'll realise what he has done.

That will be fun for you.

The hardest part will be not going when he next contacts you, but trust me, you will be proud of yourself later.

 

*hands sprocc a handful of strength*

you don't need anymore, it's in you,you just have to want to be strong

you know how you are being treated is wrong and you deserve better

[Bibora]

Breaking up because of being needy, i guess. I really do hate that term. My ex broke up with me, cause she accused me among other things of being needy. Well, i don't think im that. And you aren't too. What you need to do is NC. You are just hurting yourself too much by constantly going to him, when obviously he only wants you for his pleasure and entertainment (sorry for the harsh words). I know it hurts. It hurts me too. But it's part of breaking & healing process. And a prove that you aren't needy person...

 

Just like this song:

Strong

>> Reamonn

 

I See The Fear In The Things We Don't Understand

I See The Fear In Another Blind Man

I Can't Hold Back This Fight That Stills Inside

I Can't Hold Back Who I Am

 

I Know You're Strong

I Know You Belong

I Know You Are Strong

My Beautiful One

 

I Know You're Strong

I Know You Belong

I Know You Are Strong

My Beautiful One

 

I Can't Turn Away From What I Believe

I Can't Destroy Or Deceive Oh No Oh No

I Know A Beauty In All That I Can See

I Can't Hold On But You Can't Release

 

I Know You're Strong

I Know You Belong

I Know You Are Strong

My Beautiful One

 

I Know You're Strong

I Know You Belong

I Know You Are Strong

My Beautiful One

 

Cause They Can't Hold You

And They Can't Hold Me

And They Can't Hold On

To What They Can't Believe

 

Cause They Can't Hold You

And They Can't Hold Me

And They Can't Hold On

To What They Can't Believe

 

I Know You're Strong

My Beautiful One

I Know You're Strong

I Know You Belong

 

I Know You're Strong

My Beautiful One

I Know You're Strong

I Know You Belong

 

I Know You're Strong

My Beautiful One

[TrueHeart]

Mmm, well, this is a tough scenerio... Fortunately, I just went through this not but 7 months ago, so the way to move on is still fresh in my head. Plainly, you are in love with who he WAS not who he IS.

 

Think about that..

 

Everyone wants to cling to those happier times; those happier memories when things were beautiful and not sad-- especially after being broken up.. You want to pick up the pieces, but the fact is, there are too many to pick up. You're at a stage where you are trying to convert those feelings into memories because he just ISN'T the same guy you fell in love with.. You're right, he has other intentions, selfish intentions. You feel that when you go home from a night with him.... feeling confused on your feelings... thats your instincts telling you that something just isn't right; just isn't natural.

 

He is unhealthy for you, especially to move on. And all it takes is to finalize how you feel inside... Convert those open feelings to just memories-- remember the good times, but not to forget the bad... Don't let him break your heart again... Just walk away with your chin up.. He's a different person when he's alone with you than when he's in public--? THAT should be your first sign...

 

Remember: You're in love with who he was NOT who he is.

 

Think about it.. it makes perfect sense..

[Hope75]

Sprocc,

 

I am sorry you are going through such a hard time. It is difficult to let go, but it sounds like you have a handle on why he is sticking around, and it does sound he is using you for sex, while he has feelings for his other friend.

 

I've been where you are in that you are afraid if you don't spend the time with him that you will never see him. What you need to think about is, if you stop making the effort to see him, and he shows no interest in making an effort to see or be with you, than he isn't worth your time.

 

Peope here have given me the same advice and it's true. You don't want a guy you constantly have to chase and put all the effort into spending time with.

 

I think the advice others have given you is sound, do not call him, do not make any efforts to contact him at all. Keep yourself busy with family and friends, work out, focus on school, anything you can do to keep from contacting him.

 

If he makes the effort to find you, than you can go from there, if not, than you know you've made the right choice.

 

Good luck and stay strong.