past regrets

[scorpion91]

Has anyone ever felt sad at specific times of the day, and had some random sad feeling at past events?

 

Sometimes I feel sad at night lately and thinking about how undergraduate university life sucked for me. I had few friends, somewhat used alcohol as a social lubricant. And this was played in part by living in a dysfuncational family all my life, I didn't party at all in high school, I didn't have the social skills at the ready in high school; I really didn't have a friend in high school. So with college, that played some role. I had to do a try-and error approach at socializing pretty much. And added to that I've had increasing anxiety and depression the past few years which I somewhat self-diagnose myself as having BPD(Borderline Personality Disorder). I based that on the black and white thinking of people: One instance I might consider someone my "Bro", another I might consider that someone a "dbag." And any hint or feeling of "abandonment" somewhat bothers me at certain times. At the moment, things appear like they are going up for me: I got an internship and a GS-2(US govt job). Though, I feel sad that looking at my self the past 5 years socially sucked. I'm still a virgin, I don't have a lot friends, and I constally compare myself to other people's Facebook Feeds I see or ovehearing any success I perceive as better than me. I just know that my undergraduate life sucked, and I realize that everybody I knew in undergraduate school is better than me and such. And the past year, I somewhat taped into some 'fountain of youth' with hanging out with my younger friend(he's 19) and his friend when he and I and his friends partied a bit. In part, I felt sad that no one in grad school I consider my friend, I saw my friend and his friends as a social life safety valve. I'm not sure if BPD had anything to do with that. I just feel like every year that sucks for me, I want to do that year again and again somewhat. I think my growing depression has been stemming from being at a private affluent White majority university that i didn't like that I attended from 8/2010-12/2011. I stood out and I just thought I didn't fit the mold and such, and maybe that time is a by product of that; or added to my own failures in life tie to that. I do not know. I just feel at times, when my life is going good, random thoughts of when my life sucked or when I see things of others being better than me, this "past regret depression" cycle starts.

[Cheetarah]

People can be douches and awesome all at once. Do you recognize that someone can "act" like a douche one day, but still generally be the good person you knew? Acknowledge it as an off-day or week?

 

I wouldn't self-diagnose. What's the point in doing that? The only positive I can see from that is maybe it leads you to pinpoint more specific issues you struggle with. That doesn't mean you have a disorder. And even if you have those issues, it doesn't mean it's clinically significant. And even if you DID have a personality disorder - Well, what does that mean to you? Does it really change anything in your eyes, having a label?

 

I can tell you that many people do the Facebook comparison thing. I want to remind you that people can choose to put ANYTHING they want on their feed. Someone's picture of their vacation is only a teeny, tiny glimpse into their life and in no way reflects what problems they could have "off screen". There's numerous studies out there that suggest this sort of thing is responsible for mental health woes. Solution? Get off there for awhile, or for good. It clearly is feeding into your depression right now.

[El0t]

Social media is a cancer in most aspects. Like the above post says, it's not at all a reflection of reality. It's like saying you have a horse and you're trying to compare it to a unicorn. That being said, I would just remove yourself from those situations and focus on the positive; your new job.

[Hermes]

I agree totally TKY. FB et al are the plague of our times. And the owners of those sites are the only ones laughing all the way to the bank!