PLEASE HELP! B/F AT STRIP CLUB

[hazlcha]

Sounds like a good result, or at least the best one under the circumstances. I think he really did feel that those girls are phonies, and you are a real relationship, which is worth so much more.

[brokenangel]

Why does part of me feel like a sucker or something? I still have this weird feeling when I look at him sometimes, thinking like, "The other night he was in a room of naked girls..." And from what I posted previously, does it seem like he's regretful? And I know no one can say for sure, but does it seem like something he would do again?

 

And sexygrl19, I have a feeling we are a lot more similar than you think. I played it off way more calm on here than how I really was.

[Cecelius]

This thread made me wonder whether going to a strip club is appropriate in principle at all for a man if you are in a relationship. I'm not arguing either way, I was just curious.

 

And when I say principle, I am assuming out that anything actually inappropriate will happen or that the man is at risk of letting something inappropriate happen. I am also carving out that one ought not to because of one's partners feelings alone.

 

Is there something intrinsically innapropriate with going to a strip club if you are in a relationship?

[sexygrl19]

Yeah,I would be freaking out big time.I'd probably would've been crying or something.I'm glad that we're kind of alike so that way I have someone to talk to.If you ever want to email me,feel email removed.I don't know how to react when he got home.I'd probably ask him all kinds of questions.Well,keep in touch.Okay?

[kate111]

Your boyfriend sounds like a really nice guy to me.

 

You should trust him more. After all there are naked chick or chicks he could imagine naked (yes, really!) everywhere.

 

The whole world is a strip club.

 

But he chooses you.

 

He has reassured you. Trust him and be good to him

[hazlcha]

This thread made me wonder whether going to a strip club is appropriate in principle at all for a man if you are in a relationship.

I'm of the opinion that strip clubs are no place for a guy in a relationship. Even though he behaved himself there, and didn't initiate the trip there, it still has caused you aggravation. I think he's a good guy, and didn't mean anything by it, but as a general thing, it's not right to do. Besides, I think those places are quite degrading to women, and that is also probably what's getting under your skin.

[brokenangel]

"Besides, I think those places are quite degrading to women, and that is also probably what's getting under your skin."

 

Yea, this is exactly why I feel weird. I look at him and can't picture him being at a place like that. Doesn't seem right. Hopefully that's the end of it.

[OceanEyes]

Is there something intrinsically innapropriate with going to a strip club if you are in a relationship?

 

Not if she is okay with it, and the couple has an understanding. I won't state whether or not I think it's *right* or *wrong*, because I don't feel that is relevant here. What matters is how the girl posting here feels.

 

Look at it this way: imagine your girlfriend, someone you've grown to really care about and love, is going to do something that you strongly oppose. You have told her how much it's going to hurt you, and for her to PLEASE reconsider your feelings. Imagine how it would feel when she does it anyway, despite seeing the hurt in your eyes. And for what?

 

If there was something that I was doing, or going to do, that I knew would really upset my boyfriend, damage the trust and respect he had for me, I would NEVER risk it to see some naked men. To me, one night out is simply NOT worth it. I could never just leave him at home while I went out and did something I knew he hated. I think it's selfish to try and justify hurting your partner by saying, "hey, this person should TRUST ME, I should be able to do what I want". The only people who get to move around in life without having to worry about another person are single people, sorry to say. When you choose to be in a relationship, you choose to let this person into your life. What YOU DO affects THEM, whether you want to believe it or not.

 

Some women are totally cool with their boyfriends going to strip clubs, and that's okay. I respect that, it's something that is agreed on between two people. But I also think that it's good to respect the fact that some women are NOT okay with it. I can't just say, "well, you must not trust your boyfriend then", because I've been to strip clubs, and wouldn't want my man there either. I think that it's more than just about trust.

[sexygrl19]

Yeah,I agree with OceanEyes.If both partners are okay with it,then it doesn't really matter.But if the other partner doesn't want them to go,they should completely respect their wishes.I think it's just all about respecting each other.But it's really good to hear that he isn't acting all weird or anything.That would definitely make me wonder if he came home not his usual self.Because then,I would know something was wrong.

[dreamweaverdude]

Ocean Eyes,

 

I would tend to agree with you on this. This is not really an issue of trust it is an issue of respect. If both parties in the relationship consent that is a different issue, but when has a problem with it, the action should be reconsidered whatever it is.

 

Since the girl in this thread has a problem with it, the guy should have seriously considered his options before going. I will say this though, the issue of controlling can come into play so she cant 'have a problem' with everything or the poor guy with feel like his partner is his momma. Won't work. SO she needs to pick those things that matters the most and let him know she is not trying to control, but simply has issues with these specifics actions.

 

I will say this though, i doubt that the guy going to the strip club had any effect on his opinions, love, care for the girl. Strip clubs, right or wrong, are simply 'eye candy'. I know of very very few cases where they have impacted a relationship.

 

But it is a RELATIONSHIP between two people. There has to be give and take on both sides.

[sexygrl19]

So Brokenangel,he hasn't said anything about ever wanting to go again,has he?I'm glad that everything turned out okay for you two.I would be freaking out if my boyfriend ever went to a strip club.Especially if I didn't want him to go.

[SilverManic]

This is not really an issue of trust it is an issue of respect.

 

Some girls would have ended the relationship for this kind of behavior. I'm not saying you should, but I know people that would. I'd of insisted on going with him personaly.

 

~S.

[Cecelius]

I don't know if this is a boy/girl kind of issue, but to me, the first stop on whether I can object to something is whether it's not appropriate in the first instance. I guess I also tend to use that as to whether I can go ahead and do something -- decide whether I think its objectively okay.

 

However, I recognize that one needs to be mindful of the others' feelings and that if their requests are not overbearingly controlling, you ought to consider them.

 

But that's why I asked whether people thought this was okay or not on its face.