nevermind

[Spitfire]

nevermind not important

[Fudgie]

I read your thread and I did not see any bullying. The posters stated, rightfully so, that moving in with a man you don't know that well is not good for your children and that as a mom, your priority is your children.

 

How is that bullying? What exactly were you expecting?

 

I find this place to be very supportive but you need a thick skin to get the right advice. Sometimes the truth hurts.

[Spitfire]

Thank you for your opinion

[abitbroken]

When you ask if you are doing the right thing - you have a 50-50 chance of people agreeing with you, or not agreeing with you. It is just a fact. Also, if you move quickly in a relationship, especially when you have kids - it often backfires. People are being honest. When you take things slow, the true nature of a person comes out.

 

In my view, when you are a single parent, you should always side with the welfare of your child when it comes to boyfirends, etc, and living situations. Obviously, if your kid is being a brat and wants fancy sneakers or believes you should always be single - then no, but when it comes down to creating a safe home environment where there is no screaming and yelling, your child is not being exposed to drugs or other harmful behaviors, etc - then you have no choice but to act for the sake of your child. And some feel that they would rather live out of their car or sleep on a friend's sofa than deal one more day with that. He might be an honor student now, but that could change.

 

You are not the parent of the daughter - you are not her stepmom - you are a dad's girlfriend that moved in with dad pretty quickly and have no say or sway about anything in regards to her. Unfortunately she is not going to take you as a mentor like an aunt or big sister because the very fact dad moved in and now there is a boy, too, with someone so quickly contributes to the roller coaster/lack of stability/lack of a routine to count on for her.

 

The way to avoid situations is to get to know someone over time - people don't show their true colors right away - and then decide if you want that person to be a part of your son's every day. Otherwise you are creating a string of unstable, temporary situations for him - and you.

 

I understand the want to help the daughter, but you need to side with your emotional health and your son's.

 

if that is mean or cruel - then you need to be kinder to yourself overall. I was in an abusive marriage. it won't get better. If you stay for the daughter - you can call social services if you really want to help her after you go.