Bit confused...

[Heartbrok3n445]

I'm on day 14 of NC but it's been 20 days since we last actually spoke (he ignored my last attempt of contact) and I mentioned in my previous post that I was having urges to message him.

 

I am so confused by how I am feeling about this. I REALLY want to message him, but at the same time I don't. I have realised a lot lately and am changing a lot of the negative things that I may have done in the relationship. I want to tell him this. I want to explain to him that I have changed those things.

 

Here are some of the reasons that I DON'T want to contact him:

- He may not even bother to read it

- I don't know what he's thinking/feeling anyway and if he is super happy than I would rather stay away, especially if he is talking or seeing other girls

- I don't want to break NC as it has been two weeks and I would hate to start again

- I don't want him to think 'oh she's still there waiting, she hasn't moved on'

- I would prefer him to make contact first considering how bad he has treated me during this break up

 

The reasons I DO want to tell him this are:

- I don't want him to look back and see the negative, I want him to see that I have realised my wrong doings and am changing them

- I feel like the girls he hangs around with are so fun and stuff and I wasn't like that at the end of our relationship (I had to save a lot of money as we had a lot of big bills to pay and he would go out all the time so I would have to miss out on things so we would have enough money to pay the bills on time which caused a lot of fights), so I want him to see that I am much more chilled out and fun like I used to be

- Part of me thinks it may make him have a think about everything

 

But also, even if it DID make him think, I really don't think we've had enough time apart yet anyway, but I don't want to leave it and be NC for longer than break it so say this stuff because part of me really wants to tell him this.

 

I also don't want him to get an ego boost by thinking I still care or am around.

 

I really do want him to know I have changed MY negatives, is there any other way I can do this without breaking NC? Because of my history and habit of contacting him in the past, will keeping NC show this change at all?

 

I know I need to focus on myself and everything and I am trying to do that, but this is something that I feel I want him to know but am just confused.

[No1]

Showing you have changed takes time and it also means he has to see it on his own. You cant shine a big spotlight on you and say "Hey! see, Ive changed!" The more you try to convince him you changed the more you enforce his decision that you haven't. I know you want to show him but he has to see it on he own time not yours.

IMO contacting him does absolutely no good (unless he owes you money) You said yourself that he treated you badly and you want to still go out of your way to say "look, Im still fun"

This guy doesn't deserve you Im sorry. You said that you had to work to get money yet he still went out, to me that means that the relationship was one way. You showed him love and he would show you love when the bills were paid. Let the other fun girls pay his bills.. Your job playing mommy is over.

[Helpexpressme]

I don't think he would deserve your contact right now. Keep thinking of the negative things he's done to keep you in NC mode. Remember, you had to sacrifice fun and going out just to pay the bills, while he did not give a toss. Keep that thought in your mind to keep you NC.

 

If he wants you back he will let you know.

[patterned]

It's not time to worry about him right now. Worry about yourself. You don't have any control, there's nothing you can do for him. Do for you.

[rich46]

so I want him to see that I am much more chilled out and fun like I used to be

- Part of me thinks it may make him have a think about everything

The only way to show a) and for b) to potentially happen is if you don't contact him.

 

You won't appear chilled out to him if you bother him while he is trying to move on. The complete opposite, in fact.

[turnbaktime]

I'm confused at why do you feel that you owe him something you didn't do anything but be responsible adult while he was out having fun. You were working to pay bills that he should have been helping with. If anybody needs to show that they have changed it should and would be him not you. Please don't beat yourself up more than he already has. You are the only one that can pull yourself out of your pain so if you are hurting yourself then what will happen to you. Learn to love yourself because if you don't nobody else will. For some reason when we are hurting we want to remedy the problem no matter what and I totally understand it. Contacting your ex is not the cure but.being strong and not compromising yourself ....is the answer, because (you did nothing wrong). Stay no contact and be strong.

[Heartbrok3n445]

Thanks everyone. I didnt pay all the bills, we split them mostly but he would spend most of our spending money we had aside so therefore I'd have to miss out or take out of our savings (which was for things like car rego, insurance, etc as it is quite expensive). We are pretty young so we didn't have a lot of money to spend.

 

I didn't contact him and I won't. I've had a think and it's too soon... he will just see it as I'm just texting again and then expect me to do it again in another two weeks or something.

 

I'm assuming he is already expecting to hear from me again so I would prefer not too and hopefully he will no longer expect it and actually think 'oh wow she hasnt actually contacted me' and maybe that will show him that I've changed?

 

I just didn't want to leave it without him ever knowing but I guess NC is best me.