zdfg Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 My GF and I have been together about 17 months. It's been an up and down relationship, but lately has been going very well. I am in a foreign country on business and suggested we meet up towards the end of my time and head out to a Pacific Beach resort, and then return back to the city for 5 days. She said basically that she'll come down, but that she'd stay at the resort for 5 days instead of coming back with me. Previously I had been doing business overseas a different time and had asked her to come over and go to Greece. She ended up taking a week in Mexico by herself. In both of these cases I've felt slighted and wonder what her real feelings are. After not seeing each other for 5 weeks I'd personally think that no matter where we are it's better to be together. I feel like she's a self absorbed person when she says things like this. Or she's an attention - and needs the attention she'll receive without me around. She got irritated when I called her out on not flying back together. Thoughts? Link to comment
mhowe Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 I am not sure calling her an attention hoe was the right tactic. If she is spending the money to join you, and would prefer to stay on after you leave instead of following you...I don't see the problem. Likewise...if she doesn't want to go to Greece and went to Mexico with her vacation time and money...I again don't see the problem. Is she supposed to follow you around the globe? Link to comment
rhw Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 I am not sure calling her an attention hoe was the right tactic. If she is spending the money to join you, and would prefer to stay on after you leave instead of following you...I don't see the problem. Likewise...if she doesn't want to go to Greece and went to Mexico with her vacation time and money...I again don't see the problem. Is she supposed to follow you around the globe? Agreed. Also not sure why any of this would make her self-absorbed. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 If she's making a long flight to a resort, it makes sense that she may want to stay there for a while. How quickly would you have had her fly back out of there? Consider that part of what you admire about this woman is the independence that got her to where she is today. That's not something I'd want to tamper with, because that's not likely to turn out well. She's not a follower, she's a partner. Head high, and enjOy. Link to comment
Roseyyy Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 I think you're lacking compromise in your relationship. Just because you are due back after the stay, doesn't mean she needs to be. Instead of arranging things on her behalf, next time try and ask her what she would like. If that doesn't work and she's still not working with you as a team, then maybe you're not right for one another. Link to comment
zdfg Posted April 14, 2018 Author Share Posted April 14, 2018 Just wanted to follow up on this since it's been years since I was on here. All this well intentioned advice was ALL wrong. She was a classic narcissist, was cheating, lying, manipulating, and gas lighting the entire time. It was 4 years of the most misery I hope I ever know. The moral of this story. If you are offering to take your LTR on a trip, and she refuses, it's because she's probably cheating. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted April 15, 2018 Share Posted April 15, 2018 It was 4 years of the most misery I hope I ever know. The moral of this story. If you are offering to take your LTR on a trip, and she refuses, it's because she's probably cheating. I would think that the moral of the story is--all relationships being voluntary, why spend 4 years in misery when you can opt out of that at any time? Link to comment
zdfg Posted April 16, 2018 Author Share Posted April 16, 2018 If you've been exposed to narcissism, you'll know it was a tricky mine field to navigate, and that it only made total sense in the end once I educated myself to that particular species of vermin. I had never encountered that viral strain previously. Now I know. What you said has some validity, however it is a huge game of smoke and mirrors. Link to comment
Minikimini Posted April 16, 2018 Share Posted April 16, 2018 Now you know what to look out for and nip that mess in the bud before it blossoms into something really foul. Link to comment
zdfg Posted April 17, 2018 Author Share Posted April 17, 2018 Now you know what to look out for and nip that mess in the bud before it blossoms into something really foul. NPD should be considered a virus similar to herpes. Diagnosed carriers should be required to declare up front, therefore allowing the potential transmittable victim time to make their escape. Link to comment
Minikimini Posted April 17, 2018 Share Posted April 17, 2018 NPD should be considered a virus similar to herpes. Diagnosed carriers should be required to declare up front, therefore allowing the potential transmittable victim time to make their escape. Don't know what you're talking about. I was talking about being able to recognize this character the next time it presents itself in your life and not invest your heart and soul and expectations into it. Link to comment
zdfg Posted April 17, 2018 Author Share Posted April 17, 2018 Don't know what you're talking about. I was talking about being able to recognize this character the next time it presents itself in your life and not invest your heart and soul and expectations into it. I was making a tongue in cheek comparison to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) to an incurable virus. After you've lived with and been exposed to a textbook abusive narcissist then yes you definitely know what to look out for. Those types literally leave their ex-victims with forms of PTSD. In the case where I was asking her to come to Greece she was in Mexico instead, and cheated on me, and lied about it for 3 years. I only got the straight truth in the end when she knew I was gone. In the case of me being in Mexico and her trying to set conditions, it was her stalling because she was lying and cheating again. Instead as the OP, people tried to paint it out like I was being controlling instead of being intuitive, and feeling something was amiss. Indeed it was. Link to comment
Minikimini Posted April 18, 2018 Share Posted April 18, 2018 I was making a tongue in cheek comparison to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) to an incurable virus. After you've lived with and been exposed to a textbook abusive narcissist then yes you definitely know what to look out for. Those types literally leave their ex-victims with forms of PTSD. In the case where I was asking her to come to Greece she was in Mexico instead, and cheated on me, and lied about it for 3 years. I only got the straight truth in the end when she knew I was gone. In the case of me being in Mexico and her trying to set conditions, it was her stalling because she was lying and cheating again. Instead as the OP, people tried to paint it out like I was being controlling instead of being intuitive, and feeling something was amiss. Indeed it was. I wasn't one of those. My responses have centered around you now knowing what to look out for in the future so you're not going through this lesson again and again. Link to comment
zdfg Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 I wasn't one of those. My responses have centered around you now knowing what to look out for in the future so you're not going through this lesson again and again. The lesson was learned the first time, and the signs of it are burned into my mind like a brand. Link to comment
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