mindless14 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 I have 2 kids, 4 and 9 months, and have been split from their father for about a year. I'm beginning to think I'll never be in a relationship again. And part of me isn't even sure that it want to be. I'm finding it impossible to find a man that wants a woman with 2 young children, actually I'm finding it impossible to meet anyone at all. And the one guy that I do know and could see a future with, is in a relationship, so of course I'm not even coming out with how I feel there. And when I have talked to a couple guys, I get a little awkward once it starts to turn into "dating." So maybe it's my fault. I find that I won't want to go out with anyone, I don't want to start something new. The idea of it is nice and I want it when I'm here alone, but as soon as it becomes a possibility, I make every excuse and want nothig to do with it, and I don't know why. Part of me is lonely and wants a relationship and part of me is enjoying not having anyone to answer to and doesn't want to date ever again. I'm sure I sound crazy. Help me? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Finding a relationship with two young children is not impossible. My mom remarried when my brother was 2 and I was six. She was the sole custodial and legal parent. Thing is you have to take time to recover from your last relationship and you have to be ready to date and ready to find a relationship if you're not ready don't rush. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 No, you don't sound crazy. I thought the exact same way. Didn't really consider too much whether a man would want the package deal of my son and myself, because I am certain there would be someone I choose, who would love us both. You sound like you're simply NOT ready to date right now. I encourage you to explore your loneliness from a different angle, from one that's end focus isn't on a partner alleviating that feeling for you. Maybe you've still got some hurts swirling around from your ex, some that need mending. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 I think it would be easier to date when your kids get older. With a 9month old I would see it being a challenge at this time. Link to comment
mindless14 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 I don't really have any feelings left over for my ex. Were actually pretty good friends at this point, and I'm much happier now than I ever was in the relationship. I've found that I really enjoy being alone most of the time. On the days my kids are with their dad, I've been able to grow closer to my friends and family and develop strong relationships. I enjoy going out with my friends or just having alone time to take a long shower or watch tv or read a book and not feel that that time is obligated to anyone else. And when I have my kids, which is 4 days a week, I've been able to grow closer to them and appreciate my time with them much more. But when I lay down at night, I can't help but wish there was someone with me. And these types of conversations, it'd be nice to have someone to talk to about in person, not online. Someone to share my happiness with. And I think a large part of what's clouding everything up for me is the guy I mentioned in my first post. Link to comment
mhowe Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 That guy is a fantasy. He isn't available, so lying in bed thinking about him is rather harmful to your reality. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 It's the `lonely' voice in you talking. And yes, raising small children, single no less has to feel profoundly lonely at times. . because it is. But this isn't forever and I agree with your accounting that dating at this time is challenging at best. But they aren't going to be little forever. You are conflicted because when you do think of dating you realize there isn't enough of you to go around right now. Dedicate this time to them. You'll never get it back and it flies by. .Take it from me. Consider your children's ages you must be young yourself. You won't always feel this way and NO you don't sound crazy. Perk yourself up . .this isn't all bad. .You are young and there is plenty of time for you and dating just around the corner Link to comment
mindless14 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 That guy is a fantasy. He isn't available, so lying in bed thinking about him is rather harmful to your reality. There's a much deeper story involved there, and although I'd never step in on his relationship or try to pursue anything at all with him while he's involved with someone else, there's much more history than me just "having a crush." Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 There's a much deeper story involved there, and although I'd never step in on his relationship or try to pursue anything at all with him while he's involved with someone else, there's much more history than me just "having a crush." It's really safe to have crushes on unavailable people. .especially when you are unavailable yourself. It makes total sense Link to comment
mindless14 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 It's really safe to have crushes on unavailable people. .especially when you are unavailable yourself. It makes total sense I'm saying that it's much more than that. Without going into detail, we have a history together, from before he was in a relationship, that's never really gone away. Link to comment
mhowe Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 I'm saying that it's much more than that. Without going into detail, we have a history together, from before he was in a relationship, that's never really gone away. It has gone away...for him. He's with someone else. Link to comment
LLCBOS Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Dedicate this time to them. You'll never get it back and it flies by. .You are young and there is plenty of time for you and dating just around the corner 100% yes. They need you more than any guy right now. They come first. You will have plenty of time to date as they get a bit older. Link to comment
mindless14 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 It has gone away...for him. He's with someone else. It's much more complicated than that. Basically it's always just been bad timing for one of us and so it never worked. Link to comment
LLCBOS Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 It's much more complicated than that. Basically it's always just been bad timing for one of us and so it never worked. It's not complicated. He's with someone else. Maybe its not the best to hang on to the past, move forward & find someone available. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 You aren't crazy. You are finding your way in the world as a single parent. Allow yourself time to get your kids raised, to see what and who else is out there. You are right to not just want to leap into the first guy's arms and take off. Just keep doing that. Link to comment
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