Lostinlove31 Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Friends were sitting down and posted a profile for me on a dating site: I modified it but wasn't sure. How's this? I don't like to brag... But, no, I really don't like to brag. First off, as my status says, I am separated. My divorce will be final this year. It's mine to deal with and I won't let that interfere. I have a daughter and she is my world and I am already her prince as she says. I have two wonderful still married parents and they have been great to me and I make sure to help and take care of them. I value family and friendship, honesty and loyalty above all things. I wear my heart on my sleeves. I believe in chivalry still, and that means me opening the car door for you, taking my hat off when I enter buildings, pulling out your chair, etc. If you don't like those qualities I am not sorry to say I am not going to change those. Interests: Martial Arts - this is my passion. I love martial arts. I assist teach and have done private lessons. Weight Lifting - I made a lifestyle change and I do this 3 times a week but I doing this for the rest of my life. Game of Thrones - I just got into the show and enjoy it a lot. Movies- love me a good horror movie, action or comedy... Romance eh, (maybe to can convince me to give it a try.) Outdoors - I like out doors so i enjoy walking, hiking and want to go camping. I love to be adventurous and travel and see new things. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I would stop right now. Start a dating profile once you are divorced. You are only asking to meet people who are commitmentphobes, are into drama, or are looking to "fix" someone if you are on a dating site as a married person. Finish a chapter before you start another - and if you do, then you will meet you CAN actually commit to. Your divorce isn't final tomorrow - its SOMETIME this year.... It could drag on longer. Who cares if your parents are still married - if you are divorced. They are not dating your parents. What happens when Game of Thrones is over? People will ask if you are the type of guy who opens doors, is chivalrous, wears the heart on his sleeve - then why is he on the market - he is either completely not self aware, otherwise he would be trying to win his wife back with that, or its a fairly generic profile his friends wrote. Also, if you have a daughter - why is she not your first priority right now - being there for her in the divorce vs looking for a new girlfriend? if she was first, you would figure out your life as a divorced dad for quite awhile. The actual divorce being final might be harder for her than you think. When women say "oh, he's such a great dad" that is usually about guys who put their kids first and only started dating when their kids are more emotionally healthy after the aftermath of the divorce. Weight Lifting - I made a lifestyle change and I do this 3 times a week but I doing this for the rest of my life. When? Last month? You can't say that you are doing it for the rest of your life. Saying you have been weight training for the past two years (or whatever) is a more convincing thing to say. Link to comment
Lostinlove31 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 That's some very good points. I will take it down and hide it until divorced. Will make the changes thing. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 That's some very good points. I will take it down and hide it until divorced. Will make the changes thing. I would not "hide it" and bring it out after a divorce. You will be a different person then. Forget about it. Take care of your daughter. Go to counseling. Very few women want to date a man who is seperated or freshly divorced because they fear he has tons of baggage, secretly wants his wife back, kids act out because of the whole thing, etc. Don't even think about women, but think about what mistakes you made in your marriage so you don't make them again unless you just want a string of exes. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I highly doubt friends would post a profile for you while you're still married. Link to comment
Lostinlove31 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 It was something we all been talking about. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 It was something we all been talking about. then they are not very good friends Link to comment
Lostinlove31 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 My friends have Been encouraging me to go out and meet women, basically saying I should hook up Link to comment
Lostinlove31 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 They a keep saying I should go have fun. Don't get in anything serious and just have dates, hook up and just call it until after divorce because we got married so young. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 They a keep saying I should go have fun. Don't get in anything serious and just have dates, hook up and just call it until after divorce because we got married so young. So...you want women to date and sleep with a married man?? Think of things from the other side. Also, the reason why you divorced was not because you were young. Lots of people marry young and have long marriages - there are other reasons. You were mature enough to have a child together. If immaturity is the reason for divorce, trying to "hook up" while married is immature as well. Link to comment
notalady Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I don't see anything wrong with having a profile up while separated as long as you disclose it openly, as you did in this case. Profile seems reasonable and honest. But I would add in what exactly are you looking for, especially given your current marriage status, so people can assess for themselves if they want to get involved. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 They a keep saying I should go have fun. Don't get in anything serious and just have dates, hook up and just call it until after divorce because we got married so young. Then you should have fun going to a concert with them, going to shoot some hoops, taking your daughter to an amusement park, etc, or going to take her somewhere to play. Link to comment
Lostinlove31 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 So...you want women to date and sleep with a married man?? Think of things from the other side. Also, the reason why you divorced was not because you were young. Lots of people marry young and have long marriages - there are other reasons. You were mature enough to have a child together. If immaturity is the reason for divorce, trying to "hook up" while married is immature as well. I get that. But like I said I rather actually have a real relationship. I am not the type of guy who wants to get with a woman and just thank you for the night and move on. Link to comment
Lostinlove31 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 I don't see anything wrong with having a profile up while separated as long as you disclose it openly, as you did in this case. Profile seems reasonable and honest. But I would add in what exactly are you looking for, especially given your current marriage status, so people can assess for themselves if they want to get involved. I believe more on the lines like this. I been separated for a year. Divorce be final in a few months. I have gone to counseling and continue to go to improve myself. Link to comment
Lostinlove31 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 Then you should have fun going to a concert with them, going to shoot some hoops, taking your daughter to an amusement park, etc, or going to take her somewhere to play. I don't have my daughter full time, being a divorce case but when I do I do those things with her. I am not big into concerts and stuff. I do workout and other things to have fun. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I get that. But like I said I rather actually have a real relationship. I am not the type of guy who wants to get with a woman and just thank you for the night and move on. But you can't have one yet. Have patience. A quality woman who is emotionally healthy and ready to date and doesn't have tons of baggage and has respect for herself looks for men who are not married. Sort out your divorce and you will meet women. You will have more options after that. Link to comment
notalady Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I believe more on the lines like this. I been separated for a year. Divorce be final in a few months. I have gone to counseling and continue to go to improve myself. When did it become ok for us to tell people how to live their lives.. OP came here to ask for opinion on the profile specifically, not to get a life lesson on whether he should be dating or whether he's ready to date. I don't think it's up to us to judge (as long as there's full disclosure in the profile), or to make decisions for women who will look at the profile and decide for themselves whether they want to date a man who is still married. Link to comment
Lostinlove31 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 But you can't have one yet. Have patience. A quality woman who is emotionally healthy and ready to date and doesn't have tons of baggage and has respect for herself looks for men who are not married. Sort out your divorce and you will meet women. You will have more options after that. And I think that too at times. Link to comment
Lostinlove31 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 I believe in full disclosure of information. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I get that. But like I said I rather actually have a real relationship. I am not the type of guy who wants to get with a woman and just thank you for the night and move on. That's understandable, but at least finish with one relationship before beginning another. Why not give yourself a break in between? Life is short, but it's not that short. Link to comment
Lostinlove31 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 That's understandable, but at least finish with one relationship before beginning another. Why not give yourself a break in between? Life is short, but it's not that short. That's interesting you say that because in reality, tomorrow is not promised... I been single for over a year with a few months in some form of a broken long distance relationship that came to an abrupt end. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Since when is "separated" considered single? Link to comment
Lostinlove31 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 Well, separated is an option. Yes your not single but your on your way to being single. Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Ok, I do online dating, and the highlighted part would make me run for the hills. Its great that you have a Daughter & she is your priority, but the whole "I am her Prince" part is really cheesy. It makes me think of a future where I would be seen as the wicked step mother. Yes, I know I am assuming a lot here, but come on, most of us are online dating for a forever partner. I would also lose the part about taking care of your parents. No future partner wants to be saddled with that before the first date. That is something married people negotiate. The weight lifting 3 days a week & doing it for the rest of your life makes me feel as though you are very set in your ways with no room for flexibility. So you have a Daughter, parents you help a lot, weight training, Martial arts....these are things you do alone & for you. When do you have time to "date" a lovely lady? You have made out you are very busy and not willing to negotiate times so I would honestly just move on to the next profile. Link to comment
FreedomRing Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 ^^^^^^ I second the part about the daughter and parents...seems overkill and I would wonder if it's healthy relationships. As long as you are stating your separation, and also something like "casual with the potential for long-term once the particulars are finalized" you've done you're due diligence. It's up to the woman to decide if it's a situation she wants to enter. Link to comment
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